Beaten and Mauled God

 

God came to me in my dream (or was I awake early in the morning, I am not sure) and said, ‘Seem to have gathered lots of guts these days fella. You no longer cringe before me like earlier. Don’t pamper me through daily worship anymore. Why have you changed all of a sudden son?' 'No I haven't changed Old Man! My present is born of those penanceful meditations I did before your stony avatar for years on end,' I said softly. But God was visibly irritated. Even at this early time in the morning, when all His statues and stones were being bathed with milk, dahi, scented with perfumes, getting redecorated for another hard day in office. 'No you have certainly changed!' His tone harsh. 'No Sir! Earlier I was just doing my duty like a helpless beggar. Constantly haggling, bickering with you. Bombarding you with relentless questions from across the fragrant smell of incense. Darkness spread around me even though the lamp of my faith lit by me flickered and tried to light my path and show me the way out of my pathetic situation. But there I sat like a donkey on its dirty ass...floundering...falling...running helter-skelter,' I had almost tears in my eyes.

 

'So you think that was in vain!' God was still terser this time. 'No Sir...no please...for heaven’s sake...don't jump to such early conclusions...It’s humanly to make such a judgement. I mean that my present shape was begotten only on the anvil of those very moments. At least I considered right and wrong parameters while I sat before thy Scriptures. And spending a lot of time in Puja saves one from putting his head in earthly shit. It gives one the heavenly fragrance and a dream to get blessings by You.' 'Mark your words well fella...you seem to make comments on me...,' His eyes had started to burn now as if I was some demon on my path to shake the religiondom and His status. 'Please mighty father...please...am I worthy of disturbing You so much as to make Your eyes fiery like this,' I pleaded remembering well from those TV serials when supernatural powers of Gods burned the daityas and evil powers to ashes.

 

Humans are humans after all. One feels irritated if those very Gods whom someone has been trying to appease for so long show him eyes instead of giving their blessings straightaway to prove their powers. Well, my dear human beings don't think that I commit a sin here. I just prove my human status by getting irritated with God for showing such a human tendency. So I also got my own share of humanly fire in my eyes. 'Mr. God I was always right in my suspicions that even your powers have been diluted during the present dark age of Kaliyuga. You too are afraid of the bad ones who cock a snook at you and never ever put feet in a temple...nor spare even the least time for you out of their immensely fruitful time in worldly success and pursuits. You just act to scare weak ones who are ever pleading in front of your temple gates. And now you get offended with me because I too have been gaining some irreligious muscles.'

 

Dear-o-dear, I never intended to speak in such hot terms to my once-dear-God. But his humanly behaviour facilitated my becoming a bit overconfident of my newly gained worldly muscles. Here I threw a challenge to him. 'Do you have the guts to even disturb the sleep of Mr. --(sorry cannot name the fellow because I fear him even more than the God I am arguing with)--who has been to nasty things till a moment ago and is now spread out as a robust stud...can you…?' The God became even angrier. His expression just scorched me. I got a bit scared. The man is still more fearsome these days. At least God is supposed to have some limits to indecency. With man you just cannot take a chance. 'These days you just scare weaklings who throng your citadels in the blind hope of getting redemption,' my courage was dangerously hurtling towards a pernicious peak. His hand tightly squeezed the thunderbolt he was holding. OMG! Oh My God! Sorry have been used to blurt out this latest crazy phrase about him, the God! So in order to avoid sounding to plead I stopped it somehow from escaping out of my scared guts. But then if God is really God then he is not supposed to be aware of all these slangs doing rounds on earth. ‘Oh My God,’ I won’t say at any cost.

 

So I took my chance with OMG in a low, half-afraid voice, staring at the supernatural weapon in his hand. 'OMG!!!' I blurted in a strange voice. Lo man! Even God gets his moments of self-doubt. His grip loosened around the weapon. I took my chance. ‘That is not justified God…it just isn't done…you wander around to clobber human beings with this mighty weapon of yours. Be a man when you are dealing with man,’ I baulked. Like a real man he dropped his demon-slayer. I salute you man! Everything is fair in love and war, they say. All love lost between us, we had war staring us. Believe me I would have preferred to fight him as God instead of a plain human. But anger takes us in strange directions.

 

Out of his majestic, divine aura he jumped out like a worldly being...ready to crush me like a worm. Having flexed my muscles I had no chance of a retreat. Self-respect man...it has to work even if it gives you a few broken bones. 'Well, I hope his ruffled soul will be satisfied once he gives bone-rattling blows. After all, at the core he is still God...cannot be demon and murderer,' I counted my hopes on this presumption. Man...he was still powerful...even in manly avatar! He gave such a nasty blow in my groin. I cried foul, ‘This is not allowed man.’ Really he was the man…in pain I called him such. In terrible pain, I gave a swipe at his legs. God is God after all man...it takes few really serious blows to even think of hitting any of his other parts. He was agile like a cat. 'The God of cats!' I cursed meaning to hurt him through words now that I had failed to do with my blow. By non-God! That was self-injurious! He roared like a lion and gave such a feisty blow in my ribs that I fell like a log. Element of surprise! That’s what I was thinking while his proud figure approached me. I pretended to be faint. His vaunting figure approached me, prodded my body like a cat pawing a dead mouse. God as a man you are not omniscient, I mused. He was standing oblivious to my plans. 'Yes God when you decide to come down for man to man duels…be ready for humanly surprises as well,' I pounced up like a still better cat and hit him as hard as I could. God grimaced with pain. In that momentary phase of a temporary victory I mused, 'God...the painless, attributeless entity...now feel what it means...the pain...feel the feeling of be a human being!’

 

However, even in his humanly avatar you cannot keep God in that position for too long. He fired on all cylinders. Do not worry humans…I too gave a valiant fight. For his 10 mighty blows I gave 1 mild one. For his big blood-drawing gnawings at my skin, I gave at least visible bruises on his holy skin. But God cannot be a murderer man...he just cannot. So my presumption was OK. 'I will force you to commit a sin of murderer!’ I was adamant. He was thinking that after some time my pains will force me to plead for mercy. 'He will be the same tamed devotee,' he must have been thinking when he degraded himself to the status of a common human being just to satisfy his ego. But I was a tough nut to crack. Knowing that he cannot kill me, I took my guts to extreme and clung to him like a mad dog. I clung with so much force that the only escape route for him would have been slaying me right there.

 

'You fool why do you want to die at my hands?' he sounded pleading. 'God why in the first place you should have so much of time to disturb early in the morning a former daily puja paaath vaalah of yours? At least I had stopped haggling you with my beseechings. I had decided to take care of my own interests by developing a few muscles. And this you find irreligious1,' I blurted. 'But this is wrong path son,' human-God became a bit emotional. Damn it, wrong path, if this is wrong then who is right there in the world presently. All successful people are doing this Mr. God! He let me go and sat brooding in a corner. His hair dishevelled and the Godly aura totally missing. Scratch marks faintly visible on his face as a testimony of his worldly war. I also brought up my bashed up bloody body and came to him.

 

I appeared smashed and meshed up at the physical level only; he but sounded meshed more seriously at many higher levels. My heart melted for him. The invincible God sitting so dejected in the corner of my filthy room. 'Do not be so sad God!' I consoled. 'If a weak and helplessly pleading-before-you-worshipper is better than a muscled social lion ready to take on this world on his own terms, then I need to seriously rethink my new-found logic.' 'No son...you are within your rights to take on this world on your own terms...I should not dictate terms in this regard. Anyways now I do realize that humans no longer need me to lead their lives in the modern times,' he was teary-eyed. 'Yaa Old Man it’s better that you leave we humans to decide our fate on our terms now. And do not feel dejected. You started all this and for thousands of years you have been taking so much of pains for your creations’ cause. You need rest now old man,' forgetting my pain and becoming aware of his dejection I was about to put a comforting hand on his shoulder but suddenly realised that he is more than a friend, so touched his knee rather. 'Ya you are right man, I am no longer required. A weakling like you gives me such a tough fight. I fear if I continue meddling in you peoples' affairs then some real bad one even might slay me some day,' he accepted. So without caring for this world anymore he bid adieu to take rest somewhere in a cosmic cave and I stood there as the first person having the knowledge that it indeed was a Godless world now.