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Hi, this is somebody who has taken the quieter by-lane to be happy. The hustle and bustle of the big, booming main street was too intimidating. Passing through the quieter by-lane I intend to reach a solitary path, laid out just for me, to reach my destiny, to be happy primarily, and enjoy the fruits of being happy. (www.sandeepdahiya.com)
Showing posts with label The Notebook of a Recluse. Show all posts
Showing posts with label The Notebook of a Recluse. Show all posts

Saturday, April 4, 2026

The revolutionaries of free soul

 


I think gypsies have been the real revolutionaries. They are the gutsy, untethered, itinerant, wind-led horses. A layered palette of defiance, dignity and romantic wildness, they have it in them to repel any comforting, collective cauterizing stamp of religion, race, ethnicity, nationality, locality or specific residence.

At great cost—which collective comfort zones provide—they have resisted the normal safe escape route of accepting a casting mould to become a civilized social product. The barefooted, borderless, inassimilable, irrepressible life enjoyed beyond fences. 

Tasting freedom almost like daily bread; their paths defying the urge to harden into roads; belonging nowhere; feeling at home everywhere; carrying joy in their exiled self; ever revolting against fixed addresses. The exilically roaming free-borns have been paying big price for their uncontained culture. Yet the settlers’ derision just sharpens their dignity.   

It’s a high-degree freedom—though coming at the price of social stigmas, denigration, ostracization and exploitation. But their vibrant off-beat colors are the epitome of an exotically un-established wandering tradition. As children of the wind, they embrace the horizon, not a particular shelter and roam on a broad platform surrounding the lean and scraggy linearity of the settlers’ way of life.

They have stoutly resisted the barbaric incursion of civilization into their tribe. They are like an unknown nihilist saying ‘yes’ to an exclusive yet elusive pattern of life.

Civilization—the staunch basher with its boring chameleon colors—has been feigning false victory by condemning their freedom as uncivilized foraying.

Against the exquisitely fine-proportioned façade of the world of the settlers, the gypsies roam with their wild lore. The settlers have a fenceless fury; the gypsies have untamed peace.

They are splendidly visualized elusive fragrance of mother nature. With their own lousy immediacy, they pass the settlements wrapped in their civilizational woes. They just pass with an exemplary emphasis of free will.

The desolate, all bleak settled world full of tense climax and taut excitement. Gypsyism, the unconditionally blooming rosebud tenderly curling around the settled world clogged with overflowing distortions.

The homeless tribes move with sweetly savoring perseverance by the side alleys avoiding the world gloomily radiating turbulence in all directions. Their undulating resonance has not allowed them to be caught in time’s creaky cobwebs as they break its scheduling net with weighty as well as soft silence.

These are spontaneous shuffling strokes, comically cute, hilariously exuberant, amorously amusing and bedazzingly idiosyncratic. A formless pulse smartly negotiating the stormy, mercurial forces. Pictorial and panoramic. A dynamic dimension having delicate brilliance. An exotic adventure. Radiantly rejoicing, dismissing the rewards of formal dignity. A kinetic metaphor for the eternal muse of the first cause, the primal fabricator of this worldliness.

The civilized world meanwhile watches in dissonance and desperation, all jumpy and cranky, shouting moralistic monologues. The gypsies just move with burgeoning exuberance and delicious drowsiness.


The dispossessed and disinherited

 


The ironsmith nomads, gade lohars, are finally seeking to settle down in a world that is fleeting faster than ever. In this jet-setting space age, their lurching, creaking carts are left too far behind in the race of excellence, progress, growth and development.

They sometimes stay for months at a time at a little square in our village. That adds cross-cultural colors to the society for a brief period of time.

Their women and girls are beautiful in raw, exotic ways. These days they allow the vagrants from the settled streets to flirt with them. Earlier they used to have a tart, befitting reply for the eve-teasers. But times have changed and the once-famed gypsy pride of their womenfolk has diluted to allow the so-called civilized settled men to take mischievous pot-shots at them.

The green glens of gypsyism are gone. The large swathes of free-roaming regime now cluttered in narrow unsurpassable paths. It’s a slight but subtle compromise to allow life to take a tolerable shape in a world where the distance between them and the rest of the world has increased with a dangerous speed. A little allowance to strum the chauvinistic heartstrings of the settled males. A harmless prick on their once rock solid pride and chastity.

Once, when they were staying in village, there was this lavish marriage of two gypsy girls in the camp. The bridegroom arrived in a bus with the marriage party from a Delhi suburb where they had fixed their old gypsy cart in a mud and brick structure by the pavement to finally dock the ship.

The marriage was an exciting affair. The nomadic girls danced well much to the delight of the boys and men in the village. The marriage feast was also great in taste and variety and the villagers enjoyed it heartily.

The villagers burped and smirked: ‘Ancient gold and silver which they keep hidden in the wooden frames of their sturdy carts!’

A lovely panoply of images of harmonious existence and blending of cultures.

The dera then moved ahead on it journey.

They arrived again after a couple of years. This time an old woman from the camp died during their stay at the village. But the villagers won’t allow the homeless dead to be cremated at the site of the settled people.

The gypsies sullenly moved on to cremate their dead at a place where nobody would raise any objection.   

 


Sunday, March 29, 2026

Puzzled gods and confident humans

 


Sohan Lal appeared for the post of constable in Delhi police. His father, a retired subedar major in the army, got a fresh dose of faith in gods and goddesses as his son moved from the physical fitness tests to written examination to finally reach the interview stage.

The ex-soldier always ends his day with a few pegs of whiskey. With the prospects of his son becoming a policeman, under the pious gaze of the pictures of gods and goddesses which his recently awakened faith had adorned on the walls, his tongue turned all reverential for kind gods. The soldier seemed full of humility and truthfulness.

Then this stream of faith and love stopped suddenly. His son failed to qualify the interview. The offended soldier got into the war mode against the heartless gods and goddesses. Altercation and verbal skirmishes to begin with.

Then the cask got lighter than normal. More alcohol in his system, the girth and certitude of faith went down the gutters.

A trigger of untruth and antagonism. The evil hoodwinked. The snake of suspicion sneaked in. A volley of unmentionables. The gods dethroned—the grand-paternal patronizing look gone.

The soldier bore a long-suffering look. He over-drank his rebellious self and yelled at the pictures of the deities smirking at him from the walls.

The war started. He tore down the recently purchased pictures when the sun of faith was bright. Now it was dark and gloomy. The gods dethroned and relegated to thorny ground.

Tarty tonalities gobbled up legends. Faith dismantled. He put the pictures in the street and beat them with chappals.

The next year his son got selected. Someone joked, ‘Even gods need threats and beatings these days to bring them to their senses.’

But it’s good that his faith was restored. The fallen deities reclaimed their lost positions on the walls in their house.

Well, these are testing times for both gods and humans—hard days of mechanical give and take.


Romancing with food

 


Well, this episode is from the last Mathura journey. We are travelling in the early morning bus to the holy place. It’s quite dark at six in the morning. There is a little halt at Ballabhgarh to allow new passengers to board.

It’s also the time for some to relieve themselves almost inside the sheds of a makeshift vegetable market where there will be a buzzing market after an hour or so. Many passengers go and look around for a little space to squirt jets of extra water in the bladder onto the heaps of garbage lying in open just behind the empty vegetable market.

But the best use of time is effected by a passenger, a thickset man in late thirties. He also goes down and comes back with a disposable bowl full of piping hot gulab jamuns. He carries the air of an eager boy looking forward to an early extra-sweet breakfast. The cold, staid interior of the bus is sweetened to the core as the vapors from the heap of sweetmeats and his slightly embarrassed smile infuse the chilly air with love, harmony, peace, food, smile. 

The man appears a cute gentle giant. ‘Let this silly world get anxious about big things and get diabetes even with salty samosas. Here I’m enjoying my life in this little world with my gulab jamuns,’ he seems to exult.

He has a horse-like mane at the back of neck but his crop is thinning at the top.

Here he arrives with his little mound of hot shiny gulab jamuns and scans the seats for a suitable place to enjoy his early morning food. It turns a sweeter world with his sugary appearance.

A nice start of the day beginning with the worship of stomach to be followed by worshiping Radha-Krishna in spirituality-smitten Vrindavan. What a sweet man! An embarrassed smile conveying a simplicity lying in a big mound in this man who looks all of heart and hospitality.

From all angles, he looks a person who is not affected by everyday annoyances. A sweet man carrying robustly sculpted taste for sweetmeats. I would always welcome such sweetened souls rather than acrid thugs high on the steroids of power, wealth, influence and dominance.  


Thursday, March 12, 2026

A little gift

 


Safed aak (white madar or crown flower) is a shrub having lovely clusters of white flowers with lavender core. Officially named calotropis gigantean it’s a large shrub majorly found in climes on the drier side. According to Shiva Purana, Lord Shiva likes aak flowers, so the garland of aak flowers is offered to Shiva for peace, prosperity and social harmony. Further, its latex is used as arrow poison as well. The shrub has many medicinal uses also.

There is an aak shrub in front of our house. An old man sometimes arrives in front of our gate asking for flour. He is from a group of cattle herders from Rajasthan who roam around with their big herds of large-horned skinny cows. The cows belong to some rich landholder back in the home state. These are poor cattle keepers who work for the sahukar on a fixed salary, a paltry sum barely enough for two times bread and butter. They guide the herds through the increasingly thin spaces of wild growth and public pastures in the north Indian states.

This particular old man asks about the aak whenever he arrives on our doorstep. ‘I would take a sapling whenever I go back to my desh,’ he would say.

India is a land of myth, legends, faith and belief. Maybe the shrub holds some auspicious importance for their tribe back home. The old man has grace and gentility born of a positive acceptance of one’s old age.

This time when he came to ask for a little bowl of wheat flour, he told me that he will be going back to his desh on the occasion of Diwali and wants to take a sapling with him. I helped him in taking out a sapling by digging earth. It was a nice sight to see him walking slowly with his sapling and flour bag.

Let the world fight over big issues. He is happy with his aak sapling. It’s a kind of Diwali gift for his family in the desert state.

I pray that the sapling grows and blooms in front of his house. I imagine and feel ineffably soft whisper of ‘peace with life’ in his yard when the sapling blooms its first flower while the frivolous claimants of bigger greatness go hopping, skipping, grinding groaning, prancing and haranguing.

The somberly gleaming flame of the old man’s dream Diwali gift; the lewd blaze of hypocritical beings trying to assuage the sores on their soles born of endlessly bigger and bigger pursuits. It’s a world of extreme polarities after all.  


Meeting a red sand boa

 


A lovely mid-October evening. The sun setting relaxedly over the paddy fields ready for harvesting. A narrow asphalt road circuiting through farmlands connecting villages away from the state highway.

Traffic is sparse. It allows me a peaceful evening stroll. Glorious rays of the setting sun bathing my face. An empty dumper truck comes hurtling from behind. It thunders past raising dust. Then after going for 40-50 meters it takes a sharp turn, comes very near to jump into the agricultural fields by the side, but then regains its trajectory.

My first impulse is that the driver is drunk, which resulted in this risky jerk to the vehicle on the empty road. And I laugh sarcastically, imagining a drunk truck driver so early in the evening when even the sun hasn’t set yet. A drunk driver—we are so quick to form negative opinions and impressions. It would prove to be a wrong impression as I move on.

A snake is coiled a couple of feet into the road from the right side. I look with restrained animation. With his quick and kind awareness the truck driver saved the snake by taking a sharp turn, thus taking a risk on the narrow road—hardly wider than the truck’s width. Instead of a drunk driver, he proves to be a kind, aware, alert human being. I pray for him and his family for this act of kindness. As I come still nearer I see that the snake isn’t moving. But it’s completely unharmed. However, it doesn’t react with the usual panicked agility and scampering nervousness associated with snakes when a human is around.

It’s a red sand boa. The setting sun’s glorious rays shining on its coiled and composed majesty. As I stand just a couple of feet away, it slowly crawls back to the field from where it had come to cross the road to reach the other side. It enters the harvested field and lies still by the narrow field divider. I take a view of the nearby fields on this side. Empty fields, laborers busy in setting thatched huts for winter mushrooms. The other side has a couple of acres of dense growth, wilderness secured with reeds, grasses and bunch grass. It’s uncultivated public land not immediately under the risk of being cleared for some human-centric purpose.

The harmless slow-paced snake, which barely crawls like an earthworm in comparison to other snakes, is trying to reach that bushy lot. The winters are coming and that part being on the southern side will have plenty of sunshine and sufficient hiding space. So I know the snake will definitely try to cross the road again. But it will take a lot of time for it to crawl to safety to that side. And roads are full of careless drivers. Not everybody is as alert as this kind driver. Some even kill snakes knowingly if they see one crossing the road in front of them.

I really like this snake and my first instinct is to put it in a polythene bag and take it home. There is a myth that it’s very auspicious and billionaires pay up to 25 crore rupees to keep it at their homes. Even at my worst I won’t be greedy enough to sell an animal or reptile into captivity. But to be frank I had this instinctive reaction of keeping it at my home. Greed, to be sure. But then I laugh. Happy to be cured of temptation. Everything has been monetized by the mankind. With our new-fangled ideas, the mankind is delusively pursuing an unquenchable thirst, weightily and contemptuously. Aah amorous, elemental evilry!

I take a sad look at the endangered snake. Then I seek out a shisham tree’s branch and touch it softly with its end. It coils itself into a defensive posture. ‘Relax! Don’t worry! It’s Ok!’ I say. Lifting it by putting the branch’s end into its coil, I carry it safely to the dense wilderness on the other side and put it among a thick clump of grasses. Here it can safely pass the coming winter. I feel very happy about helping it to enter a safe zone. But the real hero in the little episode is the truck driver who saved this rare sand boa. Let him be blessed with peace and joy in life!


Dirty talk in countryside

 


Two young Jat boys wrestling in the idle-fields of brash youthfulness with crude humor and rough words. A reprehensible upbraiding of the opponent, grotesquely shattering all civilized norms and disfiguring all etiquettes and civilities.

A plain disrobing of any sense of civility. Plain rascality, bottom up or down. Well curated ragtag metaphors of the god of idiocy.

The impossibly strictest sense of lewd humor. The youthful spirit brutishly bungling, hell bent upon exterminating each other’s honor.

A linguistic representation of some weirdly carnal wrath through stabbing humor.

But the word humor falls short in conveying the entire meaning of this vulgar jocularity.

Boy 1: ‘You and your clan can’t even tear a single pubic hair from my balls. And if you do, you can’t straighten it.’

Boy 2: ‘We will give such hard slaps to your father that he will become a mad monkey.’

(Now how does poor father enter the mud-slinging duel straight after the lancing attack flaunting the steely strength of pubic hair?)

Boy 1: ‘Only your mother will tell what powers he possesses after he rides her.’

Boy 2: ‘Did he ever ride your own mother?’

Boy 1: ‘Yes he did! That’s why I was born.’

Boy 2: ‘Who says he fathered you? Old Bhola rode your mother and then you were born.’

Boy 1: ‘My grandfather is the real father of your father. Ask your granny, who rode her better, my grandpa or yours.’  

I heard this vitriolic verbal duel as I passed by them. The words slaying and shattering the reputations of both clans to smithereens. The thuggish revelry slinging around and spinning webs of their words’ unforgetability. The red and raw mass of its effect turning me conscience-stricken for the sake of our farming community. There I moved away from the scene dominated by these groundbreakers like a recluse and a valueless part of the community of Jats.   

Well, the fate of the farming community of Haryana seems in dire straits. The linguistic vulgarity giving a clue to some mysterious discomfort with cultural ethos, an inherent streak and slitter of vulgarity and a peculiar disconcertment with civilizing forces.  


The twisting dance of life and death

 


A moment in a town’s crematorium. Rows of cremation spaces under an open shed. A couple of pyres still burning; one breathing its last. Time ashen, smoldering, carrying funereal stillness. Grief-soaked, tremulous air hanging low like impenetrable fog.

Some pyres gone cold. The powdered remains of bones still slightly visible among the ashes. The ash ready to collect unshed tears. The air heavy with a deadly finality.

The smoldering wood lets out a crackling sound from one of the burning pyres. It sounds like time’s fabric is cracked with farewells and separations.

A discarded hospital body bag lying nearby. Blood spattered on it. Maybe it was an accident victim. Fleas on the blood; buzzing on the painful shadows of endings and farewells. A very discomfiting sight. Smoke going up, leaving hope and tears behind.

In a nearby unplastered wall, a sadabahar flower high up in the wall, sprouting from a crack among the bricks. Life invincible. A flower on its crown. Beautifully bejeweled. A purple bloom. Resilient. Unwithered. A wildflower in the cracked stone. A silent fleeting witness to the endings and beginnings, renewals rather. A breath-born luminal mortal. A butterfly-light lone flower’s endurance in the pyre-lit domain of death. The insistence of life through the stony cracks in death’s fortress.

And a butterfly on the flower in the garden of death with its ashen rows of mortality. The butterfly stitching color and beauty from the grotesque black and white of grief. A flowery pause in the long sentence of death. A flowery comma.

Fleas on the dead man’s blood; a butterfly on the brave flower’s proud head. Life and death; death and life.

Death: sandily crumbling life. Life: meritorious, meteoric defiance by the will to live.

But life still prevails with its baby-step maneuvers as death goes elephantly lumbering.


Tuesday, February 17, 2026

The galactic tango

 


It happened when the current universe was rather young. A huge star loitered too close to a super-massive black hole. Aah, the perils of proximity! It was torn apart with cosmic brutality, its proud mass shredded to pieces. Catastrophic and carnage wreaking. Its burning pyre, the blasting flare, shone with a brightness that would equal ten trillion suns.

The black hole had cosmic tools of cataclysm—tangled magnetic fields in heated gas disks—around it. It happened ten billion light years away from earth (one light year is about six trillion miles). It occurred so long ago and so far away that its flash reached an observatory on earth in 2025 only. The explosion happened when the universe was young and there was no earth. Just imagine the scale of cosmic events. Doesn’t that signify our insignificance in the galactic scheme of things?

A galaxy has a super-massive black hole at its center that gives it a spin like it’s revolving around an axis. O thou habitual chest-thumper, just imagine the power of such a black hole that keeps billions of stars around it in a colossal orbit. So the next time when you feel the weight of your own or someone else’s ego or pride or get blinded by someone’s grotesquely coquettish, towering light poles, just recall these mammoth facts. Then everything will get leveled up.

Just remember that everything and everyone are smaller than the sky above. Similarly, whatever happens on this tiny speck of dust—our little home, earth—is utterly, absolutely inconsequential in comparison to these cosmic behemoths.

All that we do is merely innocuous, impotent rant and cacophony. The funny and vainglorious humanity with its vaporous fumblings. So cast-n-crew, go on with your rabbits-out-of-hat-tricks, but always remember the above given colossal facts.


Monday, December 8, 2025

The cute corridor of creativity

 

I go and pick-up my niece from the university hostel over the weekends. The last spring was a special one on the campus. The head gardener was a man who loved his job—the result was a beautiful flowery world; rows and rows of healthy, well-cared flowers. The flowers danced, smiled, grew old and died under the merciless April sun that followed the short north Indian spring.

I picked up many varieties of dry flowers to store and use them as seeds during the next season. My little garden is overloaded with plants and trees. The only space available was in the pots of rose plants, about a dozen of them. This January I mixed the seeds with soil and dung manure and layered them in the pots having single rose plants. There they came out heralding a lovely spring.

Hundreds of chamomiles, a daisy like small flower with little white petals around a yellow core, waved at me in February and March. Chamomile is a lovely flower, which is used as flavoring agent in food and beverages. There were so many of them in the crowded little space in the pots. The space was limited but they gave their best. They couldn’t grow to full length but even the tiniest ones among them smiled and offered a flower to some lone bee or butterfly. The chamomiles had beaten all other varieties to bloom as a colony.

The present university gardener doesn’t seem too sincere about his job as can be guessed from the absence of flowers save for some marigolds. I think the chamomile angels attracted the fancy of a poet and carried the survival of their colony in his little yard. I saw some honeybees among the chamomiles. At least some tiny honeycomb somewhere not too far!

The chamomiles dazzled for almost two months and died under hot April sun, their withering looks asking me to preserve their seeds for the next season. I did as asked.

I pull out the dry stalks carefully avoiding injuring the stunted growth of gaillardia grandiflora (blanket flower) which had been trying to seek a way out of the dense crop of chamomiles. There we have the runner up. A few green leafy sprouts of blanket flowers now growing hurriedly to make the most of whatever the season has to offer. Their soft leafy sprouts had been struggling to come out and kiss the air above and dazzle their smiles.

Within a week of the clearing around them one of them smiled its ornamental orange red smile. So they occupy the second position. It’s a hybrid plant in the sunflower family. I have put the pots under the shade to allow dozens of them to smile even in this heat. These are brave flowers.

I hope some lone flower of some other variety will also blossom up to claim the third position. Sometimes just being there earns you a standing among the top three. So come on you some lone ranger, plow your way up!

Thursday, December 4, 2025

The pregnant cat

 

A bookish stilt in my attitudional accent. It’s a precarious poetic perch. Spirits dampened with driftless destiny. Exasperating decadence strewn around. The world lost in the lore of gladiatorial guts and bloody gore. Thankfully my yard and small garden possess a stageful dignity; a small world having its deference-deserving dust.

The brown and yellow striped cat is commodiously pregnant. The would-be mother is relaxing with a rotund belly. A cat has exemplary excellence in the art of relaxation, almost perfect ease. And from this arises an esteemed sense of alertness. A sepulchral silence out of which are born swift darts at the prey. Extremely relaxed, extremely alert. Latching onto the productive strains of providence whenever the slightest chance opens.

The flycatcher voicing frilly thoughts; convulsive nerves of the tailorbird; churlishly blinkering babblers. They see the cat relaxing. It has lost its agility but it needs to eat till the day of delivery. For its kittens. Lackadaisical attitude won’t do. Aha the eminent rhythms of motherhood! And there it jumps up suddenly and runs across the courtyard towards the garden, galloping with a stately mix of firmness and gentleness. It has undertaken eight or ten such runs to catch some lazy bird or squirrel. It wants some meaty delicacy which we can’t offer. Chapattis and milk it doesn’t prefer, a feral cat it’s after all. So it wants to hunt for its kittens in its belly.

When you see a pregnant female, across all species, it breeds natural respect for her. You might not be actually aware of it, but when you give a look of respect, or hold out a helping hand, or get up from your seat to offer it to her, you are performing a deeply religious act. It’s almost like a holy ritual. Usually when I see a bird or cat after a prey, I impulsively intervene from the prey’s side. But not this time. Scaring her away from her hunting pursuit in such a heavily pregnant state feels like something unholy. I just leave it to fate and watch it as it unfolds.

Friday, November 14, 2025

The ashes of poetic words

 

I do a little exercise. When I’m not on my writing desk, I usually write on little scraps of paper like bills, receipts, pamphlets and flyers. Just random thoughts. Later these develop into some piece of poetry, a passage or an article. Then I take the little scrawled upon slips, put them in a tiny heap and burn. It gives a strange feeling; something that bloomed, came into existence, served a purpose and turns to ashes. It’s like a holy ritual to me—a tiny replica of the dance of life and death, being and nonbeing. When the tiny pyre burns, the ash eating the words, I hum the beautiful Hindi film song ‘khilte hain gul yahaan’, whose translation comes to be: the flowers bloom here to be happily scattered to pieces.

A stoic garden lizard

 

All life-forms on earth are seeking a home; a safe and cozy home that makes you feel at ease; where you can drop your guard, rest, recuperate and rejuvenate. I feel that our garden houses nests of tailorbirds, oriental white-eyes, doves, silverbills, squirrels and flycatchers. They, on their part, feel that their nest houses our home. That’s why they raise such a ruckus when we humans happen to be near their nests. So basically, the feeling of ownership is a matter of perception only.

Most of the garden lizards have their houses among the leaves of flowers, shrubs and trees. They make their skin dull colored and sprawl on sunlit leaves, just like we humans warm our bones on sunlit terraces in winter. But one garden lizard has a unique house. A multi-paneled window faces the garden; its lower portion flanked by tulsi plants and above looms the clustered canopy of champa, chandni, parijat, guava and kari patta. The window shutters stay closed from the other side behind the iron grills. There is a narrow slab projecting over the window. On the upper end there is an abandoned potter-wasp’s mud house sticking to the grill. And here the garden lizard has made its home. An abandoned house turning into a home; the little shelter possessed so warmly by a cold-blooded little reptile.

It seems a stoic lizard. At noontime, for an hour and a half, sunrays engulf its house in their warm, embracing fluidity. The house owner sprawls in peace. It puts its chin on top of the oblong mud shelter, closes eyes and soaks as much warmth as possible to beat the December chill. At night it sneaks into the little space between the mud nest and the wood of the closed window, a space just enough to hide its main body. Its tail is visible from outside curled around the mud nest. I have seen it occupying its property for the past many weeks. I usually go and tease it, standing just a couple of feet away, peering into its eyes. It’s a shy one and closes its eyes to the uninvited guest.

It looks a very stable and contended guy: the same look, the same routine, the same acceptance of the uncontrollable factors of life. The stable chap doesn’t experiment much with life, which is a prudent thing to do for a reptile in the winters. Possibly it’s an introvert one and is happy in its little world, just comfortable to be what it is. I wish him good hibernation during the winters. Best of luck garden lizard! Given your stoic patience, the three winter months seem a cakewalk. Then one fine day lovely spring will arrive. You will then come out, get colors on your skin taking inspiration from the blooming flowers. You will then reclaim that much of life, which you missed in the winters. There would be colors, love, food, hunting, escaping, getting hunted, or call it flirtations with life and death. That will all come with the spring. Happy hibernation until then!

Tuesday, November 11, 2025

An evening on my solitary trail

 

We have been so well primed for apathy and moral degradation that anything contrary to the above seems off-the-cuff-remark, an inopportune adventure. Mother earth looks imploringly while it gets pestered with more smoke and fire. Uncomely, unsightly behavior. Perilous phantasmagoria. Hideous pomposities. A gnashing, unvarying sarcasm. Smutty, fetid, filthy, unwholesome plot. Avaricious. Putrescence.

Bombs, fire and smoke in the name of nationhood; industrial smoke in the name of inimical, coarse industrialism; more smoke in the name of lisping, detestable festivities; smoke arising with derision from farm fires. Gibberish, egotistic, debased haze. The metallic haze spreading like a colossal giantess. A roguish varnish that eats the colors of evenings. The evening colors melting in subservience.

A sluggard and idle saunterer, I’m walking witnessing this heartrending chastisement of mother nature by Her own child. There is swarming joy in adding more smoke to the poisoned air. The new world leader, Trump, doesn’t believe in climate cause. More smoke in the middle east; more bombs and explosions in Ukraine; more smog born of farm fires; more marriage celebration firecrackers gleaming in the maelstrom of smoke.

I’m walking on my solitary trail between the canals holding a crooked staff, a knotted and thorny stick, smoky exhausts hitting my eyes, nose, lungs with suffocating digression. The smoked air impregnated with the smog of hate and apathy. I squint and spot a flock of goats in the smoky distance on the trail. An insurmountable enormity of survival among beaten brambles and bushes.

The goats move slowly nibbling at the beaten grass. The shepherds are two gouty old men bravely holding their crooked baton of life in the gloomy, sooty parody. They are in their seventies, move with a monkish disposition, carrying decades of depositories on their soiled clothes in the form of poverty and low social status.

One is at the front of the herd, the other (still older) manning the back end. There are lots of baby goats and they gallop with childish verve, which seems so mismatching with the two old goatherds. But these little playful ones can’t escape on the sides because of the canals. It makes it possible for the old shepherds to manage the herd at this age. The slower their steps, the more time the goats get in nibbling the grass. In between they can take sips of water from the canals on the sides.

The front herder raises his hand in greeting as I approach them. We raise hands exactly at the same moment. I had seen him a year back. He has aged quite significantly since then. His eyesight has further deteriorated. He mistakes me for a farmer who has a little plot of land by the canal. The farmer is a bachelor and stays with his old mother. He was once drinking by the canal and invited them to share drinks. They chatted for a long time once relaxed by the cheap liquor. Such solemn reminiscences! I can feel the traces of appreciation in his eyes for that farmer.

The smoky gaieties have been grafted on the evening colors. It’s an early twilight. They are confused about time. They have to walk another kilometer to reach their village. He asks what time it is. ‘It’s ten minutes to five,’ I tell him.

Smoke has advanced the twilight by more than an hour. We know the obvious and ignore the listless fact. Instead he boosts his spirits by an enlivening talk about the farmer with whom they shared drinks. We talk about the economy of goat-herding, the sadness of vanishing grass and their sun-setting life story.

A human touch, acknowledging a fellow life’s existence with respect. ‘Well, it has been a good time-spending activity at least,’ the herder says about their occupation. ‘It’s an honest, honorable job,’ I reply. It brings light to his old feeble eyes.

The older herder doesn’t speak much but he smiles a lot, the wrinkles coming to life with wisdom. ‘What will we take with us?! It’s just greetings and smiles. Who knows whether we meet again or not! So it’s better to greet each other with a smile!’ he smiles again. My smoked self is relieved. I watch them slowly melting into the metallic haze on the trail. I pray that we meet again even if it’s on such a smoggy evening next winter because human life and smiles are precious despite all the hate and anger in the world.

Saturday, November 8, 2025

Revisiting the town park

 

A revisit to the town park after a month; enough for father time to show you its freshly cooked plans. The female sweeper in peacock blue dress is working without her white lab coat today. But with more colors visible, although partly, she has a cute round girlish appearance. It’s the day after karva-chauth night, the fasting day for the welfare and health of husbands even if they spoil yours. Her hardworking hands have henna for the occasion, an indication that she has a tolerable husband whose life can at least be celebrated once in a year. Like the last time she sweeps quite methodically and instructively.

Instead of the old man today it’s a younger cleaner who comes paddling the rickshaw cart laden with dry leaves, the thin strands of not so prominent north Indian autumn. He gives a snuffling and moody appearance, in contrast to the peaceful and composed old man. Where is the old man, I get worried. Hope he hasn’t been fired or fallen sick. Some genuine souls—even strangers—leave you with invaluable keepsakes in your memory just with a few glimpses of their kind, gentle presence.

There I find him! He is doing something important today—preparing seedbeds for winter flowers. It’s a laborious task using a spade. But he seems to be a gardener first than a mere park cleaner. Any opportunity to create more blooms must come solicitously, quite naturally. Then sweating and hard labor don’t matter. He has worked on a long, narrow row along the walking track, freshly dug soil giving a trajectory of his nice work since early morning. Imagine the winter flowers along the track after a few weeks! He is resting on a bench, probably giving some respite to his stiffened joints. He has a grandfatherly ticklish look into my eyes, as if to say, ‘You can exercise with the shovel on the seedbed.’ I toddle on with a little movement of head, acknowledging his great flowering job in this deflowering world.

The election fever has gone down with the formation of a new government by the same party. So the politicking group is talking about mundane things that matter. The park feels far more calm in the absence of political vainglory. They are off the entranced political cart, hence the bass voice has normal drawl, no tension in tenor. Today I don’t feel the heat like I did the last time as I pass them. The old, gaunt, wheel-chair bound figure of last time, sitting languished and petering out of the stage of life, has improved. He is off the wheel-chair, and although still very fragile, looks taking a clasp at life in spotless whites, sitting on the ground doing pranayam while others talk about mundane issues of life. He has a very firm ostrich like face looking determinedly to improve his health.

A sixty plus grey-haired man with his unique set of exercises. He has a good athletic physique for his age; a focused man humming in accord with the fresh autumnal air. His shorts, sneakers and T-shirt muffling the bugs of age through a punctual exercise routine. He spins in circles with a vigorous shake of hands, as if redeeming energy from the not yet spent coupons of energy in muscles and nerves. He then jumps on one leg; then the other; followed by unique twists and turns; then copiously inhales morning air through anuloma-viloma breathing exercise.

Two gentlemen walking with firm steps, both of retired age, one carrying a jailor’s cane. His friend seems a jolly guy, somewhat undoing the rigid authoritarian air carried by the cane-wielder. I keep distance from him. The cane seems an extension of his striking promptitude.

A fat woman with hennaed hands and lots of sindoor in her hair parting lazily sitting on the grass. She is busy on a video call on her phone. Her face is slightly blotchy but lustrous black hair cover up for that. She has a husky, jeering tone. Given her happy spirits, no gainsaying that the man on the call is fond of her.

Another fatter woman, very short in stature, in fluorescent green top and tight dark leggings and shiny pink shoes. She seems to pursue the rapturous prospect of thinning, slimming rather, and gives an ominous blaze of enthusiasm, bulldozes past me, almost toppling me off the track just by the stormy wind unleashed by her passage. I’m shell-shocked for a moment but then with a benign look wish her many-many rounds and the fat getting melted from her body. But my exemplary, honorable thoughts come to a naught. She barely makes one round, runs out of wind, or maybe finds it silly and boring to rush around like that while better things can be accomplished. She dumps herself on a bench and gets busy with her phone, the best buddy who isn’t bothered about her weight. She gives me a brief look of vague hostility as I breeze past with my slim structure. Maybe she is wishing to pump some of her extra fat into my thin frame for betterment at both ends.

Two old women walking briskly. One thin, the other buxom. They waddle determinedly, chests thrust forward. Real mothers who fed milk to many kids. Their copious breasts bouncing on their stomachs.

A few old women sitting resignedly on corner benches. The last time they were singing devotional folksongs. But today the song is missing. In fact one of them is lying on a bench; one sitting with legs drawn up. It gives a sad, resigned look to the group. Their well-worn clothes evincing a hard-fought life in the villages, fighting the abominable reproaches of a patriarchal society, their fate wrung out as much by providence as by the back-breaking household and farming chores. Wriggling to forestall newer and newer tests. Then tiredly shambling after their sons who shifted to the town. Tagging up to bring up their grandchildren and forcing their way into new set of chores to keep them relevant.

Seven or eight high school boys in school dress; boys from poor families, thus going to the highly crippled state schools. Giving a free way to their unguided, precipitous, adolescent energies. They are setting up an infuriating new benchmark for the monkeys in the domain of silly pyrotechnics. Convulsively shouting, jumping, throwing cuss words, hanging from the upper bars of the swings, hurling big pavement tiles at each other with full intention of breaking bones.

An elderly man rushing in with the evident hurrying intention of finishing few quick laps. He has sprinted forward like a deck-based fighter jet on an aircraft carrier. But then screeches to a halt putting power breaks. His big car is parked by the park’s gate. He gets unsure whether he unlocked the car or not. There he raises the key remote in its direction, presses the button with owner’s pride. ‘Qui, Aye, Yes, I’m locked,’ the car beeps and blinks. He waddles forward and I exit through the gate, startled by the sudden activity in the car.

The slowed down time of a poet's day

 

A couple of uproariously adolescent monkeys, a lacework of mischief, with beet-red bums, jumping around for fun. They greet “how-d’you-do” to humanity in the morning; running to jump onto the electricity poles, shaking them with a sadistic pleasure; gratifyingly wheedling, spinning, twirling to leave a tornado of misbehavior. I watch bewilderedly. A gabbling spirit of youth an energy—fresh-morning youth with moistened tremulous lips.

The big dark-grey goonish feral tomcat, the hideous scourge for the birds among the trees and plants in the yard, is sprawled for sunbathing. Tailorbird bickering, bulbul gabbling, babbler riling, squirrel tik-tikking. But they cannot come near because the foe has a crafty shiftiness in its eyes even while resting. Then the flycatcher takes the lead. It has a spurtling maneuverability in its wings; a rousing charge and dandyish twists and turns from a close range. So the beautiful agile flycatcher goes for a helicopter sortie over the cat; flicking, fluttering, flying at a point just a few inches above any world-record holder tomcat would jump to catch a prey midair. The cat looks vanquished and helpless. It gives a sinister, vicious scowl to which the birdie helicopter gives indignant, whinny clangor of notes in triumphant spirits from the side of all the birds.

Mating fleas taking a tumble on my newspaper. It has happened thrice in a week, so need to note this. Falling in a torrid unison of desire, like a little pebble on the soft newsprint, almost crashing through lesser news. A flabby and pulp love drop. Sweltering passion in cool October breeze. A spasmodic and riotous carousal humming in the wings and two sparks colliding into each other with lightening swiftness, giving good news for the flea kingdom on human newsprint.

I wring clothes before putting them on the clothesline to dry. Soapy water gets squeezed out forming a few little puddles on the brickyard floor. Three Indian robins make the most of this. Flicking tails, wetting wings and taking few sips in between. Rejoicing rills. It’s a lovely sight to watch birds playing like this.

On my solitary walk a spectacle of motherly love. In a marshy overgrown patch among the ripening paddy fields the angry trumpeting notes of a mother sarus crane. A mother would jump head first into danger to save her little ones. She has eggs here and some dogs have arrived sniffing the grass. So she dexterously feigns to be an injured and sick bird, not able to fly, giving agonized cries to draw them after her away from the nest. They follow her despairing notes and sickly strides, sensing victory in catching her. When they seem like catching her, she takes a few seemingly labored wing-strokes to just fly out of their mouth and land a few feet ahead and then run again to keep them on the hunt. And the befooled and lousy devils being drawn into the fading light towards the pink ball melting in the twilight dark grey veil lurking over the horizon.

Thursday, November 6, 2025

The Sunday book bazaar

 

There are pirates crouched down in the crowded sea. They emerge suddenly and quickly rap your bottom. And here you are left with a Beslery or a Kenley. The bottles look exactly like the original: same shape, wrapper, color and marking. Just for the one letter difference. Nothing frightful apart from the fact that you drink simple tap water for twenty rupees. You get a livid look on your face once you have consumed it and then realize the difference. You have been tricked and feel like an utterly callow person.

Me and my friend have our respective Beslery and Kenley and reach the Sunday Book Bazaar at Mahila Haat, Delhi. The boy fraudster melted in the crowd.

There is a mute hawker of small items like socks, belts, hankies, purses, pen and key rings by the entrance gate to the book bazaar. It’s a smart geographical location because the clients are less thuggish if they are going to buy books. And who would bargain with a seller who cannot speak? At least bookworms won’t. But he is not deaf. He can listen and that’s more important. I have a doubt that he has a very nice tongue to speak. In that case it’s a nice strategy. He easily sells four sets of cheap socks to me without the slightest opportunity of bargaining from my side.

There is a lot of springiness in the air because many girls are buying books. It’s a lovely sight at the open-air book bazaar in late October. There is a great book lover moving diligently with a haversack half full of books.

A scratched placard fittingly displaying old classics stacked in compact horizontal rows on the ground, their spines up to catch the bookworm in you. Bookworms get a tremulous kiss by the fair-lipped maiden—the urge to buy books. There is a problem of plenty actually. As a book lover you have to squabble with your urge, an onerous task—to not buy everything on account of how much weight your wallet and back can carry.

There is another real book lover—a lovely wayfarer amiably walking pulling a trolley bag to fill it with books, the lightest and the loveliest weight one can carry.

A girl in aromatic rumples of sleep carried by her purple maxi. She looks just out of bed after the soundest sleep. A very short guy with her walking with the longing of a lightening bloodhound. He gives the feeling of pork; she stewed vegetables. I’m lost in books, my friend in her loose hair. She flicks her hair so suddenly that I’m startled out of my book-spell. She looks back at us with an unreconciled haughtiness of the young for the uncles nearing middle age—as if reminding us that we were born too early; that the dreams of our youth are a common stale reality now. Aah, unsubmissive youth! My friend feels the pangs of inter-generational enmity. His spirits plummet, the steps lose energy and he walks as if clad in grave-cloths, his mood swaddled in burial attire.

Monday, October 27, 2025

The dance of love

 It’s a beautiful sight in the morning. A loving precursor to the poem that would follow soon after it. The love dance of a peacock on my terrace. I’m the excited peeping tom looking from the terrace room.

The surrendering spectacle unfolds. The love-lynched bird spreading the wings of desire; swaying the fantail of passion to catch her, the peahen, in his airy love-loops. She stands still, full of wonder about this colorful show, the buzzing-humming shake of his spread out fantail. Her time stops as if snared by the net of love.

His colorful invitation. Her curiosity, silence, acceptance; a space for the manifestation of the nonbeing to acquire the shape of a little colorful being. And of course the unnecessary worldly noise that is always seeking to spoil the love game, the futile barking of the puppies in the street who find it a nice case study to learn to bark.     


Thursday, October 23, 2025

Festive silence in a poet's yard

 

It’s Diwali, the festival of lights. The two parijat trees in the yard have carpeted the earth below their canopies with so many flowery drops as to make it a flowered floor. What celebration! The rains have been good and the plants, especially tulsi, have acquired a bushy jungle shape. The tailorbird parents have their hatchling out, a greenish tailless funny guy almost as big as its parents. It hops around the leafy tangle during its post-nest training phase. It’s a mischievous guy. I saw it running after a good-behaved elderly Indian robin.

Everything is perception-based at this level of existence. So this particular section of the yard is the tailorbirds’ house, just like I have the same perception due to being born in the house. They deny my entry to their section. They raise a brain-hole-drilling din the moment I reach the spot. The wire-tail swallow couple does the same. They are agile fighter-plane type fliers. They dart with chipping sounds, coming dangerously close to my head whenever I happen to be near their mud nest on the ceiling in the barn verandah. I understand their position. We humans are also darting around with angry chipping sounds, insecure and afraid of losing our position, interests and stakes.

The white-browed fantail flycatcher is a distinguished bird having a white forehead with a black strip running from top to the nape, blackish top and milky white underside. It’s very lively and flicks and spreads its white-edged tail quite frequently. With its long broad white eyebrows, it flits around almost tirelessly. Flaunting white spots on its throat, it fans its tail, flicks its wings, giving quick hunting dashes midair. Fleas beware! It’s wonderful to have a pair of flycatchers in your yard. I love them for their midair antics and lively attitude. They look playing all through the day. These playfully restless birds consume so much energy due to this tireless physical activity that the entire day is spent in catching fleas midair. Can I ask for more? Make your hobby your profession. Like they do their midair antics while going with the profession of survival—playing and gathering food going side by side.

There is an icing on the cake as well—they aren’t too scared of my presence. Their confiding nature allows me to stand a few feet away and enjoy their fun as a spectator. Then there is cherry on top of icing—their song. It’s a melodious song comprising six to eight notes, ascending, sometimes descending. Sometimes they stop it midway, leaving you craving for the entire performance.

Both of them look the same but with the spirit of an ornithologist one can spot the difference—the female is slightly paler with browner head, while the male is black with greenish gloss. I had to do a bit of research to find out which of them is doing this tireless exercise in front of the little old car parked in retirement mode in the yard. No wonder it happens to be the girl in the pair! Who else loves a mirror so much?

The car is 21 years old and deserves graceful retirement as a vintage souvenir in the yard of a small-time rural poet. After all, it was with me during the challenging and complex cluster of life and events during my urban innings in editorial jobs. With our limited capabilities, both of us suited each other really well. Now it becomes the dressing table for the female flycatcher. She is such a narcissist. She spends her days ogling at her reflection in the rearview and window glasses.

It’s a rural set-up, so there is no problem of food, I mean fleas. The humans to fleas ration is infinitely in favor of the latter. She can continue ogling coquettishly at her reflection and take little bites of food as the fleas naturally happen to be within the range of her dressing table, dressing car rather. Such tireless flapping of wings requires lots of food. It means less fleas in the yard of a poet. I note that she drops her extras quite frequently. So cleaning the bird drops on my little souvenir at the day end is the service charge I have to pay.

She thus is a homely girl. Her husband, as can be expected, goes outside to loaf around. But he returns quite frequently to check on her. When he disturbs her dressing-car time she gives an angry, agitated, grating chuckchuckchuckchuckrr reprimand. The moment he starts disturbing her self-loving ogling at her reflection, she throws these irritated notes and shifts to the other vehicle, a bit new and a tiny bit bigger than the older one, which seems to be her favorite. I hope she isn’t fed up with this guy—or suspects him of double dating during his sorties outside the yard—and has fallen under the illusion that a handsome prince is imprisoned inside the car and thus goes calling from all sides, asking it to come out.

Monday, October 20, 2025

A pair of cockroaches in the festival din

 

A huskily building twilight losing itself to the imponderable quest of the artificial lights in the town market. The whinnying tenor of shoppers conveying some oppressive clanging even among the festival chimes. This is Diwali eve. A dissolute sense surreptitiously serenading somewhere in the crowd’s eyes.

Shop fronts are glittering with lighted strings. Almost a hemorrhage of consumerism. Allurement lurking precipitately from tables, shelves, display cases and shopkeepers’ faces. A plethora of presentiment. Colossal and gigantic stream to buy and sell. The worshippers of gold gathered in swanky jewelry temples. Most of the hypnotized people bow with prodigious prostration to gold.

The sellers seem invincible today. And the consumers sleepwalking with some unknown enfeeblement of senses. Sweet-makers with mounds of sweets; offering sugar lumps against life’s embittering experiences. The collective enthusiasm going with colossus undulations among the crowd. Almost sepulchral sovereignty of profiteering leer. The crowd in intangible trepidation. It’s the occasion to look up and move forward. Guttural, hoarse hiccups of the consumerist, capitalist desire.

Lots of firecrackers selling openly despite the ban. Spicy street food stalls catching tongues with the adroit endeavor of a chameleon catching a fly.

There are insects on the dirty ground below, under new boots, sneakers and fancy heeled footwear. And there is a bigger pair of insects, let’s say bigger beetles or cockroaches. A father cockroach and a child cockroach. Victims of destiny’s selectivity in turning some fates to cockroaches and others to earthly gods. As the bigger world of festival eve humans goes with a burgeoning whoosh, the father cockroach broods over the baby cockroach that is lying like a little bundle of garbage.

The father cockroach’s clothes are so dirty and hair so wild, shabby and unkempt as to make him some humanoid form of mud in the drain. The child cockroach is lying on a dirty cloth. His head bandaged, yellow antiseptic visible at places. The feet are also bound in dirty dressing. In all probability he is a made-up patient, opiated and dumped by the father to gather some survival grains of human sympathy in the dust. A tragic little brigandage. They have made themselves so dirty and stinking that nobody dressed festively would dare and touch the child to verify the truth and would just throw a coin to move away from the ill-fated dirty cockroaches.