A really ABLE girl

 The story of a champion. A very-very ABLE girl, daughter, sister, sibling. She is the real champion because even to reach the stage where most of us are born with natural privileges, she had to walk and then run through fire. Well, if you can't walk, don't stop, try to run instead, like she does! 

'Preethi has two younger brothers and an older sister and belongs to a family with meagre income. Her hope now is that her historic medals can bring her a sustained source of livelihood. 

"My father runs a small dairy. During Covid he was in hospital for 3 months. He is still unwell. He has diabetes and has to get injections often. A lot of it is caused by worrying for us. I often tell him that I will arrange for my sister's marriage. My second biggest dream is to be able to organise and fund for my sister's wedding to whoever she likes. I hope my medals can get me a government job. That is my prayer now. I have to take care of my family. I want my father to take care of his health and stay at home and my mother also should not have to go to the forest to feed our buffalo. I want to be able to give them some rest. They have struggled all their lives," she says.' 

(HT News)

Be careful about what you give others

 Pakistan gave them guns and terrorism. They cried with tears of pain and blood.

India gave them cricket, bat and balls and they celebrate with shouts and cries of pride, joy and confidence. 

Be careful about what you give to others. Give stadiums, sports and game tools to the people in violence prone regions of the world.

A lovely book of poetry

 We are born as little poems, soft, sensitive, pure, innocent...our senses open to the poetic wonder unfolding around. But then as we age we are cast into rigid, customised identities. We lose poetry. We leave behind that soft, gentle, fluid glow of humanness. The same happened with yours truly. I started as a poet but then on the hard anvil of life lost touch with poetry over the years. In between I would pick up poetry books but they won't sync with the hardcore fighting self in the battlefield of life. But I'm glad that I hereby come across a book that really touches one's poetic chords. Brief. Conscise. Gagar mein Sagar. Each word a tale in itself. Little lines embracing vast seas of emotions. Antraji is a renowned painter. Her poetic words are merely an extension of what she creates on the canvas. If poetry is a painting in words then there is no bigger proof than these poems.

The lone ranger

 

On December 18, 2022, a Sunday, almost the entire world prayed for Messi to win the world cup. The prayer was heeded and Argentina won the world cup after 36 years. Huge celebration comes at the cost of pain in some corner. So sadly France has to sulk. One man stood between Argentina, or say the entire world, and the coveted trophy—Kylian Mbappe. He is just twenty three and has shown enough artistry to be the next soccer superstar.

Argentina had lost their opening match to Saudi Arabia but finished as the champions in the tournament’s final game. So a botched up opening doesn’t always mean a painful end. You just have to stay focused and give as much, in fact even more, as you would have given in enthusiastic spirits after a good beginning. Sometimes you end up with tears of joy after starting with tears of agony. These are irresolvable mysteries. And victory chooses you rather than you grabbing her by the wrist because there are so many chance factors—the ball hitting the bar, the ball getting deflected off the mark, the ball suddenly dipping, the ball going straight, somehow. All this happens mysteriously among a melee of chances. But one has to be there right in the middle of it to allow some chance fruit to fall in one’s lap.  

The sage and the king

 There is an old ascetic staying very happily under a banyan. No material possessions, almost naked and no desires. The force of his wisdom is spreading far and wide. The King gets so impressed that he touches the saint’s feet and overcome by huge pangs of reverence for the sage asks the old mendicant to come and stay in his palace. He is sure that the ascetic is going to say a loud “no”. But then very surprisingly the old sage says “yes”. So it becomes a big news and the King is even feeling duped. The old friar comes to stay in the palace. In irritation the King is pouring more and more worldly comforts around the mendicant who never shows any unwillingness to roll over more and more in comfort. The sage is accepting all the worldly facilities on offer. The King’s agitation is turning into burning jealousy day by day. He starts condemning the sage as an impostor who has now forgotten all his wisdom after staying in the palace. The King’s anger reaches a breaking point and he condemns him as a disgrace in the name of monkhood and banishes him from the luxurious palace. Nothing changes in the old monk. He smiles and says, “Ok King, as you wish! I was just fulfilling your wish to offer me luxury.” Smilingly the old sage prepares to leave the King with a blessing and a little sermon:

“I stayed in your palace but your palace didn’t stay in me. I am not a lake, I’m a mountain. I enjoy the water falling all over me, cutting my sides, kissing the trees on my slopes. But I am not possessive to hold the waters back. I simply allow it to flow down. I don’t hold. I don’t pull back. I just let it be as it is supposed to be. The lake is hollow. It craves for fullness. It wants more and more water. It has to hold. It has to collect. It is attached to collection. But the water will in any way flow away. So there is pain at the exit. Hence it’s forever looking upland for more and more water. I allow the flow, so enjoy the process, the mix of past, present and future. The lake holds. It suffers. It hardly enjoys its present, its being.”

You are a winner

 Why should winning be just defined by finishing the line ahead of others? Finishing the line with your best, even if it means coming last in the list, is also a win. And beyond finishing, the will to touch the line, even if you fall on the way, is a win. And even the will to participate is a win. And if you don't participate at all and do something else that also is winning. Why talk of defeats? It's winning-winning all the way, in one form or another. Because to be alive itself is a win. Life is a winsome game in totality. Count all your disasters, tragedies and pains. Add them. However high the sum is, it will still fall short of nullifying the big positive number, life. You all are winners I tell you.

A bat and ball in place of guns and grenades

 

Congratulations Afghanistan! During the ongoing one day cricket world cup they have defeated two former champions. October 23 would stand as a millstone for the war-torn country when they defeated Pakistan. They needed this victory far more than Pakistan. A bleeding land suffering from wars, famines, killings, poverty and all that can plague a society. Just imagine the joy and happiness in bullet-scarred little mud-houses across Afghanistan! Men, women and children getting a rare opportunity to feel proud of their nation. An exceptional event when they can shout with joy. Such events can trigger a turning point in a country's history. The youth can think of bat and ball instead of guns and bombs. Sports sow the seeds of hard work and discipline among the youth. It sets up a stage for dreaming big. I’m really happy for them! But I have my sympathies for Pakistan also. They still have the option of winning all their remaining games to stay in the competition.

There is a very-very exceptional blast of happiness and public jubilation in Afghanistan. In Kabul the fans honked car horns, danced and played loud music. I think even Taliban would have felt like celebrating on the occasion. Why be so stern and serious when the entire nation feels like singing and dancing? I’m not for gunfire on any occasion. But celebratory gunfire following a victory on the sporting field surely removes a few bullets from the ammunition dump which would have tasted human blood. So it’s good riddance.

The seeds are always very small but they have the potential to sire big crops, trees, forests. Let’s hope this little seed of victory on the sporting field sires Afghan resurgence. Such sporting upsets by the cricketing underdogs are more than welcome. They don’t have the infrastructure. But it shows how resilient the Afghan people can be. All out aggression breeds fanaticism. But controlled aggression on the sporting field fetches glory and joy for the impoverished masses. As they celebrated I am sure many bleeding hearts must have forgotten the decades-long mayhem. They hunt as a spinning wolf pack headed by the wonderful Rashid Khan. Spinning a ball is far better than spinning a grenade. Hitting a six is more effective than firing a rocket launcher.

A rainbow of energies

 

Recently mild earthquake tremors were felt in the Delhi NCR. It was afternoon and I was lying on the bed for some siesta. My body responded to the tremors in an unusual way. All our experiences are meant to help us redraw some more lines on the infinite canvas for understanding a bit more of the reality that we create with our sense perception. This experience also opened the niche a bit further to help me peek into the subsurface base of phenomena and understand the portion of 'me-specific' reality.  

The tremors that we inherit in our body, emotions and thoughts are simply a reflection of the energetic ripples whirring around, an invisible world beyond the apparent solid state of the matter. The nanoparticles whizz past almost without any obstruction. That's the quantum reality we have understood so far in purely scientific terms. A free-wheeling neutrino would simply pass through a boulder of stone, making its way across the vast spaces between the stone’s atoms, as if it’s moving through the most porous of a medium. The same happens to our bodies; just that we need to feel the waves cutting across us pleasantly with heightened awareness. They say primordial sound of 'Aum' is the combined sonic effect of all this non-stop energetic chatter. But before that a sadhak would hear different categories of sounds at various stages of opening the self to the overall embrace of the infinite grace.

There is a very simple meditation technique of aligning our own grouping of atoms, which defines our sense of we being as such, with the harmony and balance outside. Open yourself to the vast expanses of the starry vault at night. Stand in seclusion under the open night sky. Close your eyes, take a few gentle breaths and unlock the gate of your insecurities. Then allow your body to move of its own. It’s a very subtle, thin line between voluntarity and involuntarity or conscious effort and automated movements. Just like a self-start in your vehicle, you give an initial voluntary push with the key, and then leave it on auto-pilot. It will roll of its own. Allow your body to move around in any way it wants. It knows better about the best ways to twist and turn in order to uncoil itself from the stress that we have built and piled because of the hijacking of our conscious part by the scores of fears and insecurities. There is a natural rhythm inside that we always keep prisoned and chained under our too conscious fears, insecurities and worries.

Now as you open the gates, the subconscious (the gateway to the super-conscious) surfaces. It gets its free play as your body and limbs move gently in various mudras, asnas and kriyas of your own making. All the asnas manifested themselves when the sages went into a trance, allowed themselves (the conscious mind) to be off the scene, and the divine symmetry emanating from the super-conscious pools manifested in the form of body movements and postures that would unclog the stuck-up pranic channels. They observed all these random movements and these were later routinized as specific postures and the science of yoga emerged to help the sadhaks to move on the path. These were not devised or discovered. They manifested themselves. The same is with the entire science of Ayurveda where the healing nature manifested of its own through various properties in plants and herbs.

Try these movements as I suggested and you will have a feel of what I mean. The free flow at the subconscious level will ease-up the tension built in the core cells. It’s a guarantee that you will feel multiple times fresh and eased-up after just five minutes of these self-emerging Tai Chi movements in comparison to an hour-long meditation session. There is harmony around and by allowing the body, mind and emotions surrendered to it, it seeps inside. No wonder one feels better.

Well, coming back to the mild earthquake tremors. As I have already discussed, a sadhak feels various channels of pranic forces crawling across his/her body. Don’t go vain or proud over it. It’s just a different type of existence at an off-beat perception level. The sensitivities acquire a different dimension and you feel a bit more than what goes on the skin in normal conditions. The afternoon siesta means to me just to be a witness to the pranic crawlings in the body, a slightly puzzled but surrendered marvel at the strange happenings in the body. Kindly avoid going to a doctor for this. You would know by instinct that it’s beyond the domain of materialistic medical diagnosis. If your health obsession still takes you to a doctor for these energetic symptoms, the white-coats will welcome you as a new case study and give you a brand new abcxyz-syndrome. You will be the proud experimental dummy for the cause of medical science. 

The mild earthquake gently shook the Delhi NCR. As I was lying, cogitating at the pranic ripples in my body, suddenly the energetic ripples inside the body (whom I call my ‘new normal’ after feeling them for years) went into agitation. It was like tiny serpents going crazy in panic. Many other little rippling channels surfaced suddenly which go unnoticed by me in my ‘new normal’ with the typical crawlings going in certain parts. It was like the entire body was buzzing with crawlings. It was quite vigorous. I wasn’t aware that it was in response to the earthquake waves. The little shaking that one feels in a mild earthquake got magnified to a big degree and I felt my body almost jumping. It’s just a stimuli felt more deeply, at the deeper level of subatomic parts. As I said I am blessed not to be panic struck when Kundalini takes sudden new avatars and puts a different sense-perception causing something new at the experiential level. So I was just trying to convince myself that all this was due to the heightened agitation of the energies inside. Then I saw the rosary hanging from a peg on the wall swaying gently. Then I realized that it was an earthquake. But feeling it in this state was so different from the earlier earthquake experiences when the energies were in their usual routine state. If I feel ‘special’ about it then I would be coming down to the level of a dog because they can feel these tremors well in advance in their bodies. So no feeling of 'special status' please! Give them to the dogs and snakes first. Then claim yours. 

We are an outcrop of mother earth. Our body carries each and every ounce of matter and energy essence available in the womb of mother planet. So how can it avoid feeling the waves of tremor passing through the mother’s body?

If you are dealing with the spiritual art and craft of managing your heightened energies, you have to be prepared for any type of perceptional reality coming your way—from the apparently best to the worst in every sense of the term. (That’s why they always caution against any obsessive trigger of this energy in the system because you will die [the old you] even before they put you on the pyre to turn you to ashes). If you keep this fundamental fact in mind there won’t be a panic strike, there won’t be awe and wonder, there won’t be any unnecessary pride over being blessed, there won’t be anything that would look miraculous because all this is as per the natural laws of heightened perception driven by high frequency energies. A bat interprets its reality at the level of ultrasound frequencies, a snake does the same at the level of infrared light, and you dear sadhak (with your awakened Kundalini) sense an off-beat reality born of off-track energies in your system. So where is the question of you being a ‘special’ one? If you get proud about it, it would be just a snake or a bat proclaiming enlightenment for being more perceptive of a reality at the level of ultrasounds and infrared lights.

We, the common followers, are the ones who create divinity around the people trying to cope with an off-beat reality with the help of their heightened, super-sensitized, extra sense-perception. There is nothing wrong with that. We have all the rights to hatch an idealistic reality and out of that is born the art of spirituality. But it’s just like any other man/woman-made art fulfilling a small, practical purpose. The person who is trying to come to terms with the new levels of sense-perception driven by the new pranic channels is simply engaged in his puzzle like the rest of us are busy at our own level. He isn’t fundamentally superior or the rest of us basically inferior. The only difference is that the force of energies is so unorthodox that he/she is forced to adopt a totally different lifestyle and attitude to life. That’s his/her necessity. He faces challenges born of experiences that may range from the best to the worst as far as their effect on the body, mind and emotions is concerned. He is just busy in his private world of resolving those newer ways of looking at things.

Hail the lovely people living a beautifully sweet-sour life born of the usual (normal) state of energies that most of us carry in our basic system! We are so cute! We see the divinity in this weird and unorthodox life and living of someone trying to cope with his extra dimension of sense-perception. This divinity is the faith of the masses itself that sees a holy man in a person who has withdrawn within himself, absorbed in a different world where the normal things of life look redundant and irrelevant. Otherwise in the scheme of nature there is no such tag of superior and inferior level of perception. They just are, that’s it. It’s the cute, innocent acceptance by the sweet people who are ready to be the followers and sanctify their faith as divinity. What is wrong in that if it gives solace to so many? There isn’t any in my humble opinion.  

Father and sons

Father and sons—it has been a tantalizing equation. Father was a widely read man. He had a good knowledge of many domains varying across arts, science, philosophy, politics and sports. As we brothers were growing up, he put up his searching lens to spot any kind of budding talent in his pedigree. During my middle schooling, I copied a few sketches and filled them with cheap wax colors. Father knew about famous painters like Raphael. He got very amused at my works. He bought a nice compilation of classical paintings to boost and nurture the seed of a genius painter in me. I got nice sheets and lots of water colors. But I could never progress beyond putting a faint imitation of a picture put in front of me. I never had a flair for painting something original of my own. I sent my imitations for entries for kids competition appearing in Nandan and Champak magazines. Forget about winning a prize, I never ever came nearest to even being mentioned in the list of dozens of those whose works found appreciation at least. Father was wise enough to know that as a painter I had already hit my peak that wasn’t sufficient to get a name in the list of appreciated artists in children magazines. As a liberal man he didn’t force me to keep copying the easiest drawable lines. That saw my innings as a painter coming to an end.

I was a thin boy and like all skinny ones was quick and energetic. He must have seen me running around while playing. He was at least justified in assuming an athletic talent in me. Father himself was a grade one athlete during youth. He crossed twenty-two feet in long jump and ran impressive timings in many kinds of races. He filled up Mother’s iron trunk with brass trophies that he won at LIC national sports meets. It made him feel that his athletic genes might propel his son to at least a school-level glory. Our target was to hit gold at the school-level meet on children’s day. I prepared well. He would ask about my training after he arrived from office at night. Then the much anticipated day of the race arrived. That fateful race proved to be my first and last attempt at winning a gold in running competition. I was last by a big margin. In fact I was lucky enough to see all the competitors cheering for me to cross the line. ‘I drank water before the race, so got tummy ache,’ I lied. He knew the truth but allowed my lie to stay as the reason for not winning a gold.

Then in the high school I developed a pungent liking for cameras. As a well-read man Father knew about many talented photographers who had made a name for themselves. He got me a beautiful red camera. He then inspired and encouraged me to go clicking the best moments from the village life. Over the weekend, he scanned the pictures. The best was a village lampoon, who pleaded to be clicked, whom we made to wear his mother’s ghagra and stand grinning under a mulberry tree. The second best involved my brother on a eucalypts tree. But it needed special effort to spot the boy in the foliage. The reels were costly. Father thought it better to stop the supply. The camera stayed in the tin trunk for many years.

India won the world cup in cricket and the entire country turned eligible to dream of cricketing talent. We went crazy for the game. He was kind enough to buy us a few bats and dozens of balls. Cricket is a completely technical game but we would realize it during our middle age only. Our cricket was barely above the level of gulli-danda—a kind of hit and run madness on uneven grounds. We spent so many hours on this pleasant madness that even a snail would have rounded the earth in the meantime. Cricket was never going to gift us anything more than bumps and blues by the cheap, hard, heavy cork ball that we used instead of the costly standard leather one. Father realized it very soon and condemned it as the game of the idlest people on earth. He said it was nothing short of career slayer for millions of young people.

Then one fine day, I realized that real cricket was beyond our wildest imagination and self-belief. Moreover, it was a team sport where individual brilliance was always on the anvil of collective fate. Drawing on my sporting wisdom I chose an individual sport. Doordarshan had started to telecast Tennis Grand Slam matches. Steffi Graff, Gabriala Sabatini, Boris Becker, Goran Ivanosevich were its colorful brand ambassadors. I and my friend Pardeep stabbed deep into our little pocket money to pool resources to buy two rackets. Then we cleared a part of the fallow land outside the village to serve as a court. Three keekar sticks served as net poles and a jute rope as the net. Despite the best of our efforts it was a highly uneven open ground. Under a sweltering sun we would reach there with our gear including water bottles like typical tennis players. But our game never progressed beyond one correct serve in half dozen attempts and some lucky return that counted as the biggest rally. Most of our time and energy would be taken by collecting the runaway ball from the surrounding lands bearing scattered acacia and bunchgrass tufts. Tennis thus turned very tedious. After a few months of dehydrating effort we realized that any dream of playing the Grand Slam was equal to landing on the moon in a self-contrived village rocket. Those rackets are still placed in a dusty corner as souvenirs of those serve and volley days.

Badminton never progressed beyond breaking racket netting and shuttles with wild weird swings and strikes. Hockey was played with raw wood sticks cut from the trees. These were roughly shaped like standard hockey sticks with a curved lower end meant to strike and stop the ball. In the stampede after the ball cascading over irregular ground these sticks hit more feet, legs and shins than the ball itself. Football turned out to be lunatic running after the ball when someone would hit the hardest kick to send it to the clouds instead of the rival goalpost. So by the time I passed senior secondary school, all the sporting dreams had been summarily quashed. We had no talent for any of the sports or games.

Among all this passion for creating a niche in the sports I remember a school trip to Tara Devi near Shimla. After the eight class annuals, in March, we went on a trip to Tara Devi. It was a Red Cross sponsored camp. There were students from different districts in Haryana. Those fifteen days were so eventful that they need a little booklet to cover all the incidents.

One of the events was diary writing competition about our time at the secluded hill-top camp. I had filled up a notebook bearing a chronological account of our schedule and little innocent observations about nature around because I had seen the hills for the first time in my life. Ours was Hindi medium and our English teacher had to promote and vociferously recommend my Hindi scribbling to get me announced as a winner to salvage some honor for the district. That was the sole prize we won out of at least a dozen categories. So I returned with the diary writing title in my name. Father was ecstatic. To him it was almost like I had won the Booker prize. He saw writing talent in me and brought very attractive looking diaries to encourage me in the art of writing. The diaries remained unused and were later used as exercise books for algebra. So here was one more talent squashed to pulp.

Nobody cared to pick-up books in our class at the village school. Our family had, what can be called, a sort of elementary love for academics. Just because I cared to touch books made me the class topper by default. This made Father, and the entire village to go along, think that I was a very talented student. Our history teacher even thought that I had what it takes to be an IAS officer. So I was promoted as a talented academician. In the absence of any competition I had been the class topper throughout the tenure of high schooling. But I turned out to be an average science student in senior secondary schooling at the town. Father had cleared the written examination and the interview for the Officers Training Academy (OTA) but couldn’t join on medical grounds being under-weight by a good margin. He thought that maybe I had enough capability to reach at least his level in the selection process. So there I was appearing for the prestigious National Defense Academy (NDA). I passed the written examination but performed miserably in the grueling four-day interview. ‘Army needs average students, so maybe you are fit for civil services,’ Father reasoned. Many people agreed with him that I had the talent to be an IAS officer.

Till matriculation, I was decently comfortable with mathematics but after that the chambers of logic and straightforward reasoning seemed to have stopped in my brain. Quite mysteriously I suddenly lost footings in science subjects. It was a kind of emotional whirlwind where two plus two could be anything but not four. I took humanities for graduation and enrolled at the local college notorious for mischief amply carried by errant farmer boys. I rarely joined the classes. I graduated with a mediocre score in the vicinity of 58 percentage points. Then straightaway I started preparations for the civil service examination and scored 54.3 percent, a score deserving top merits. But in the most crucial personality test they gave me a measly 37 percent. Father was happy that I had reasonable talent to be an IAS officer. However some things are sometimes never destined to be. I was at last selected to the Haryana PCS. But then the politicians ensured that my selection doesn’t translate into appointment.

It was chronic boredom with life and I allowed myself to be pulled into export-import business when an opportunity presented. It was a venture with some friends. No wonder it was like a flute player going to the battlefield with his flute. It was a summary failure. I finally realized that it was time to grab any job that came my way. So I settled to be an editor with an academic publisher. Father was miserably unhappy to leave behind an editor son struggling among tomes of manuscripts in the editorial department of academic publishers.

Father worked at the LIC’s Delhi office situated at posh Connaught Palace. I had once gone with him. Walking through Sadar Bazar I got attracted to a little colorful dholak. We arrived at night with the dholak’s cord nicely slung around my neck. My younger brother took a fancy to the instrument. A dholak is nearest to the temperament of rough and rowdy farmers. The raginis, the local folk songs, are basically ear-piercing shouts and yells. Just because Amit would prefer to pound the little dholak with full force using his tiny fists, Father thought his younger son possessed talent for music. We would study at night and before going to sleep, Grandfather and Father would request him for a bedtime musical performance. Amit pounded the dholak quite well and shouted even better over the crude beats. These are primary requisites for Haryanvi raginis. I think Father was correct in spotting this talent in his younger son. In the village the people went to bed very early but Amit’s rehearsals at nine on cold winter nights shook many people out of sleep in their warm quilts.

We had annual function at our village school. Father thought it a suitable occasion to launch his son’s prodigious talent. Rehearsals were taking place for various events. Amit, dholak, Father and many of us reached the rehearsal venue and Father promised the teacher in-charge that he should be prepared for the performance of his life. It was early winter time and a soft sun beat on the grass of the lawn. Amit sat with his dholak in the middle and dozens of us formed a circle around him. The teachers were all attention with their arms crossed over chests. Amit took a long pause like a great artist. After all it was an all-important audition. But no beat would emerge. He got stage fright. Father nudged him many times but the little performer had surrendered. He won’t beat the drum and won’t shout. At least the teachers’ eardrums were spared of an assault. It was highly embarrassing for Father. He smiled apologetically. All of us walked very dejectedly to our house. Father continued with his lecture about talents and guts to show them. Amit felt very low for a day or two and kept a very low profile. He even abdicated the leadership position among the neighborhood urchins. Then Grandfather, much in good faith, requested him to sign off the day at night with a ragini. Amit seemed to pound his embarrassment upon the dholak. He shouted well and gave quite forceful strikes. The dholak burst. That was the end of musical talent in Father’s gang.  

In surprising disproportion to his medium height and slight built, Father possessed an amazing athletic talent during youth. When Amit grew to be a nicely built lanky lad by the time he finished his school, Father’s talent-seeking streak smelt an amazing athletic talent in his younger son. One fine day Father took him to the uneven ground outside the village and asked him to run at his full speed and then take a long jump in the sand pit. He appeared sure that his son will show enough athletic potential to at least cross the family mark in running and jumping. Amit looked a strong lad with long limbs, large feet, nicely jutting out knees—all the hallmarks of famed African distance runners. However, God has been very kind in gracing him with a restful demeanor. To be at peace is a precious gift. But in competitive sports you have to be a restless beast. So despite Father’s shrillest call to prompt his son for a lightening start like a deck-based fighter jet taking off from an aircraft carrier, Amit gently lumbered like an over-loaded cargo train. The historical jump broke the entire range of athletic dreams nurtured by Father. Father was considerably frail by this time—thanks to his philosophical resignation with life, the vacuum being filled with incessant smoking and serial slaying of teacups after teacups through the day. He looked sure that even he—at his physical worst—would have run faster and jumped better than his finely growing son. He was wise enough to accept the reality. That was the end of athletic strains still held up in his consciousness. He never ever asked any of us to run or jump again.

He was but bound by patriarchy and didn’t try enough to spot any talent in our sisters. Had he tried, at least our younger sister would have been a good weightlifter, boxer or wrestler, given her great strength and stamina. Sadly her potential remained untried and untested. All disappointed with life, and broken by the absence of any talent in his sons, Father would at least accept the latent (unharnessed) talent in our younger sister. ‘I would have died far happier if Binny was a boy and all you three just comely girls!’ he would say. That was his acceptance that he had failed to seek talent where it really existed among his children. By the time he realized it, it was too late. I also feel that maybe Father was bound by the thick chains of patriarchy in the rural farming society where seeking talent among girls was totally absent during those times. Thank God things have changed now and many girls from the villages are making a good name for their talent.               

Something from the past

 

Father could read, write and speak English as if he was a professor of English in some English-speaking country. A wonderstruck group of white tourists had given him the certificate of English proficiency like this: ‘Sir, you know and speak English better than our professors!’ So that is a kind of indication of his mastery in the field. He worked as a middle-level governmental employee in the Life Incorporation of India (LIC) and spent most of his working years at the LIC headquarters at Connaught Place in Delhi. He commuted daily by train to office. So his was a day stretched in contrasts—the day at the most cosmopolitan spot in India and the night at the most rustic village.

During the weekends he simple read books. He provided the money for the upkeep and Mother carried the domestic cart on her strong peasant woman shoulders. She did the household chores, took care of the cattle in the barn and managed farming as well. Father looked a saintly man, somewhat a worldly hybrid—in looks at least—among Swami Ramakrishna, Shirdi Sainath and Maharishi Raman. He was a very simple man and wore plain kurta-pyjama. So one day when he was in full form, giving a lecture in English to some young college students in the train on the way to office, a disbelieving farmer nudged at his neighbor and exclaimed, ‘This man is haunted by the ghost of an Englishman!’ Father heard it and from then on it became his identity in the family.

Well, I inherited his skills to a partial extent and the little group of villages in the countryside declared me to be the most suitable candidate to crack the Indian Civil Service (ICS) examination, the gateway to the most powerful bureaucratic positions in the country. So naturally I found myself preparing for the corridors of power. I was the darling of the entire village’s eyes. They wanted me to become a big magistrate or commissioner to have a part in the ‘power game’ so that they would have someone from the village to protect them when there were traffic challans, family feuds, drunken fights, bloody skirmishes over lands, etc. A few drunkards in the village were sure that life would be a cakewalk for them once I became a bada sahib and they would stay at my official quarters. One particular liquor-lover, whom I had seen falling from his bicycle many times, had already appointed himself as my future official driver once I became a district magistrate.

These days the Indian Civil Services examination has been pared down to test majorly the attitudional smartness of the candidates. But during our days it was a behemoth of syllabus literally covering everything on earth. The exams went through the year across various stages requiring one to be buried in tomes of books. There were so many books as would fill up a decent-sized room to the ceilings across its full dimensions. So that was a tapasya. It was just studies, studies and studies. It was just like a yogi buried in tapasya in his cave. For seven long years I was in day-night studies and hardly remember anything else from my youth.

I came very near to fulfill the dreams of my father and the entire village. I had cleared two stages of written exams and the final interview remained, the all-important half hour that could undo the entire year’s labor. I had scored very high in the written test, as I would come to know later in the final mark sheet. If things would have gone even averagely good, given my high written score, I might have been selected for the most coveted diplomatic corps, the group of elite officers who represent the country as ambassadors. But the higher forces! My brain went numb during that half hour. Something pushed the talk into the zone of negativity, non-confidence and arguments. I received the least possible marks in the interview to be summarily rejected. I had four chances, so for four years I futilely ran into the wall only to be recoiled into failure.

The villagers hadn’t yet lost their faith in me. The second most coveted bureaucratic posts at the provincial level (Provincial Civil Services—PCS) were still available to fight for. So my next three years were spent in this tapasya. Once you have cleared the ICS exam, clearing the PCS is very easy, so I was clearing the PCS exams pretty easily. But selection to the PCS involved lots of tests, not strictly falling in the zone of examination and personality test. One had to, at least till then, clear the written exam with very high score and for facilitation in the minutes-long personality test one had to either own a few sackfuls of currency as well as political recommendation from the highest political elements. I had none. So as it would happen, I would score very high marks in the written part but would be shown the way out in the interview, which used to be a gross mockery, a mere formality for manipulation, during those times.

That is when the element of faith entered in my life. I had realized that certain forces, bigger than any of my effort and academic capabilities, were stonewalling my efforts. And only faith in powerful deities can break those walls. There was this very famous astrologer who boasted about a certain mantra sadhna. He proclaimed that if done by serious students, he/she can easily enter the astrological chart of raja yoga, that’s a sharer in ‘power’ in the most coveted positions. It involved 125 thousand chantings of a mantra after taking the sankalp of that goal to be achieved. The mantra I would keep secret for its sanctity. It was in worship of Ma Tulsi, holy basil, the sacred plant, a representative of Ma Lakshmi. The ritual involved getting Ma Tusli and Saligram (a phallic representative of Lord Vishnu) married with a mauli thread tied for their sacred union and chanting the mantra 125 thousand times with a Tulsi mala in hand. Now please read carefully about my sankalp, my purported blessing from the sacred plant in lieu of my mantra sadhna. ‘Hey Ma please get me selected to the HCS,’ I sought the blessing in this literary presentation. It meant, O Mother Tulsi please get me selected to the HCS. Here HCS stands for the Haryana Civil Services. They become additional commissioners and sub-divisional magistrates, a step down from the all-powerful ICS.

My mantra sadhna started. It was rainy season. I had set-up the divine union between Ma Tusli and Holy Saligram in our garden and would daily chant the mantra, just lips moving and the mantra vibrating across my being, holding the Tulsi mala in hand, eyes closed, a butter lamp and incense burning in front of the deities, rolling my fingers over Tulsi beads. I would daily perform the mantra sadhna for three-four hours for about a month to complete the count of 125 thousand mantra japs. In between I got one of the worst malaria bouts of my life because there were mosquitos, it being the rainy season. My condition was really bad but I kept the schedule and chanted while lying flat in front of the little instrument of my faith for those two days when my weakness didn’t allow me to sit. But thankfully I was successful in completing the task. The mantra sadhna was complete.

The next attempt brought miracles. I was selected. Finally. So much for Mother’s blessings! To be selected for a post for which, even then, people would offer 50 lakh rupees in corruption money, for which a recommendation nothing short of a state’s Chief Minister’s direct recommendation would do the trick, me, a simple guy without that much money and that big political recommendation, was a miracle. Somehow things had taken a course as to facilitate me through the hitherto unsurpassable hurdles. The group of villages went into celebration. They would finally have a magistrate to shift little battles in their favor. I would always give extra affection to those whom others spurned, so the much-maligned liquor-lovers declared that now their woes are over, they would live with their dear magistrate.

I had asked to be blessed with an ‘HCS selection’ and with the punya of my mantra sadhna I had got ‘selected’. However, a massive ‘but’ remained. Destiny still chuckled with glee and anticipation over the futile efforts of its puppet.

Now I share the most important part in the game of mantra sadhna. You must have read stories about demons doing hard tapasya, doing rigorous sadhnas for a blessing by the devtas. The devtas would finally appear and ask them for a blessing. Now the little-brained—with loads of muscles though— rakshasha would blurt like a child and ask for the boon, foolishly wording it in a way that it left a big loophole for their own undoing even with the Godly blessing. I had done the same. I had demanded to be ‘selected to the HCS’ and Ma Tusli blessed me with a ‘selection’ in lieu of my mantra sadhna. I thought that was all that was required to change one’s destiny. But there was more to it. There is a big difference between getting ‘selected for the HCS’ and ‘becoming a HCS officer’. Then the unthinkable happened. It happened for the first time in independent Indian history that a duly selected PCS officers batch was denied appointment. Mother’s boon ended at getting me ‘selected’. In my folly I hadn’t insisted on ‘becoming an HCS officer’. I thought both are same because till then getting ‘selected’ was synonymous with ‘becoming’. So sometimes Gods would take the help of linguistic loopholes to still have their say despite all of your efforts.

The batch got into political controversies between rival chief ministerial candidates fighting an internecine battle for power. And it was messed up. The case is still gasping with feeble breaths in the courtrooms even after 20 years. During this time I have seen the grossest of misuse of power by judges and powerful politicians. There were sometimes very shiny days in between when all were assured that finally justice would be done but it would soon get undone by a sudden squall of unexplained events that would again cast gloomy shadow on the case. I can report all those mysterious, sudden events but it would take several pages. Anyway, of that sometimes later. I’m still involved in the litigation, not for power or pelf. What do they matter now? But it’s just out of habit maybe, or possibly an inclination to stick to the concept of justice. It just draws me sometimes to keep the case alive.

I don’t blame corrupt judges and powerful politicians for the episode. They are mere puppets in the bigger game unfolding around. If at all there are some lacunae, they are there in the wording of my seeking the blessing in lieu of my mantra sadhna. Like a cute little demon, seeking boons and blessing in return for tapasya, I left a linguistic loophole which allowed destiny to fulfill my wishes as well as guard its own mysterious plan.

And I don’t have any complaints against Ma Tusli either. She knows better what is good for the child. Recently during the rainy season, I slipped horribly and landed like a log on the stone floor. I landed near a pot bearing holy Mother Tulsi. The fall was so hard as to leave me numb for many minutes. There was absolutely no pain or injury. Like a grounded child, rattled out of my senses, I looked at Ma Tusli. One of her branches was broken. Didn’t she receive me in her embrace like a kind mother and took a looming fracture on her own? I haven’t removed that dry broken branch till now. It reminds me of what she has done for me. Then it becomes so easy to forget and walk over what wasn’t done.   

Kundalini Shakti

 

This sharing is something deeply personal in nature, at the level of experience, in the domain of experiential knowledge. I’m not sure how many of the readers will relate to it. Still, its mere theoretical reading will make it interesting. This much I’m sure. It lies in the domain of spirituality wherein all the seekers have their individualistic experiences. There comes a time when one feels like sharing them with others after the initial years of closely guarding the secret as if it’s a treasure. There is no specific reason behind guarding the experience initially and there is hardly any reason for sharing it later. These things happen of their own, mere happenings.

All of us are essentially spiritual beings carrying lesser or more worldly baggage. The latter is merely a fuel for the journey in this lifetime, an accumulation born of our karmic balance from the journey so far. There is no fundamental flaw in carrying one’s own unique worldly baggage. But there is a temptation to take the fuel as the main thing, the essential component of life, while it’s mere fuel and is supposed to get burnt in the form of karmic dissipation, taking us to further destinations in a bigger dimension of perception and consciousness.

The theme of this discussion is Kundalini. I’m sure most of you must have some theoretical knowledge about this much fabled thing. Kundalini is an auxiliary dimension, a seed of potential, lying dormant in our psychosomatic system. It’s a short-cut, a gateway, a portal, a trigger point for speeding up of the evolutionary process of consciousness. Of course, just like any other short-cut it has its risks, dangers, possibilities, rewards, agonies, ecstasies, everything in fact.

The fundamental law of cosmos is primarily pure potentiality. Kundalini is a seed of that potentiality in the human physiognomy. It is a trigger point to unleash a sudden current of energy to take your consciousness to a level where it would have taken several lifetimes in the natural sequence of karmic resolution to help one solve all the entanglements and their resultant pain and suffering.

There is a set of controllables and uncontrollables in one’s life. I tried my level best to succeed in normal worldly terms like anyone around. But the set of uncontrollables at a level of existence beyond my efforts would always push me back to the starting point. Naturally that gives one a lot of pain and agony. One questions the basics that operate the world around him or her. And before you realize you are seeking solace and answers to your burning questions in a spiritual dimension after having failed to solve the puzzle in the normal thoroughfare of life.

I never had a guide in physical form on the teasing and testing field of spirituality. Based on my understanding of things I went into pilgrimages, bhakti of various deities and yogic practices. I was crazy about one particular yogic posture. It involved hammering the base chakra, muladhara, with relentless force. This chakra is the seat of the pure energy potential named Kundalini, which isn’t otherwise needed to live a normal happy life and that’s why most of us are born with it in its sleeping state. As I would realize later, this particular yoga amounted to forcibly prodding the sleeping coiled energy—the serpent—at its seat of rest. And the snake rose. The energy moved. It shook the world that was related to me involving body, relationships, career, family, emotions, thoughts, everything that had the slightest bearing on my current identity. That’s why they say that it’s a living death—you die to your former self in this lifetime only. But for that there is a lot of examination one has to cross through.

My organic structure wasn’t prepared for this sudden onslaught. Imagine a thousand watt current being suddenly let loose through a normal 240 watt wire. What would happen? It will heat it up, there will be sparks, and it may even burn. Similarly, the human system is for the normal flow of energy. The organs are adapted to a normal operation of energy, most of it getting pleasantly getting dissipated in our sweet-sour pursuits and just a fraction going up to activate our neurons which define the conscious part of our mind, the thinking mind.

The hyper current gave me many nightmares which manifested at many levels—thoughts, emotions, body, relationships, finance, career, family. It ruffles you forcefully, taking a tight grip on you, as if shaking you out of your slumber at lower levels of awareness. Literally it left me in a dark night of the soul. It was a karmic leap, a jump into the unknown. I was all alone to fend the onslaught for myself. If there were hidden forces supporting me I wasn’t aware of it. But in effect it was the toughest phase of my life. There was so much of agony, pain, fear and phobia to make life almost unlivable. I was running all around to clutch at any straw for salvation. I went on pilgrimages, roamed all alone in forests, went to ashrams, fell at the feet of holy men—all this just to save myself from getting sucked into a void.

Religious differentials melted. Spiritual solace was welcome from any corner. I would enter a gurudwara, mandir, masjid, church, Buddhist monastery with the same reverence and faith. Anything as long as it would save me from the darkness. I tried to be an unquestioning bhakt of many deities. I tried and tested yoga, pranayama, mantra sadhna, fasting, anything that was suggested to my dizzying mind. The blizzard of energy was making me dance to its tunes as if I was merely a lifeless puppet. The force of energy was seeking newer and newer avenues to hurl its fury into.  

Then about six or seven years back I started worshipping Lord Hanuman with full fervency. I kept Tuesday fast and read Hanuman chalisa from a booklet because I couldn’t chant it from memory. I had never memorized it fully. At that time I was visiting Osho’s Murthal ashram where Sadhguru Osho Shailendra—Bhagwan Osho’s real brother—gave mala diksha and sermons. Once I was lucky when he put his blessing hand on my head. I was ready. I was dry fodder. I have no other explanation other than to take it as a case of shaktipat. It triggered a chain of experiences that shook the theoretical foundations of my knowledge. Just recently I had been lucky to be blessed by His Holiness Dalai Lama as well. So I would say that was a lucky phase for me.

Shortly after his blessing touch on my head, on one of my Tuesday fasts I was reading Hanuman chalisa from a little booklet, incense and oil lamp burning in front of the idol. Then it happened. An intense external force gripped me very tight. I was in perfect awareness but the body was under the control of forces that I cannot attribute to my conscious mind. I was twisted and turned in very tough yogic postures which I cannot even think of performing in normal condition. It was like a mysterious, profoundly powerful hand was twisting and turning me in tough yogic postures. I was helpless and allowed myself to be treated like a ball of dough being made into many shapes. Everything was unfolding by itself. These were no weird, asymmetrical contortions. There was a symmetry, a harmony, a precision behind them. As if each set of movements would complete a cycle.

Lord Hanuman’s idol was put on a little house temple of stone. The stone ledge in the front for placing lamp and offerings had a sharp edge. I was twisted in a lotus posture and my torso started going down, taking my forehead towards the sharp stone edge. The slow rhythmic descent to the stone edge was very precise to leave the middle of my eyebrow on the edge. Then the brow started drawing along the thin edge. Just a millimeter down and it would have injured my eye because the rub of the eyebrow on the edge was quite forceful. Completing the cycle on one side, the same happened with the other eyebrow on the other side. The divine synchronicity knows more than our fear, planning and calculations. There was flawless geometry and timing behind these movements. There were many such movements for around 45 minutes. Strangely, I wasn’t scared even for a second during all this. Some mystical assurance kept me convincing that all this is good for you. So there was no panic. How will fear and panic survive when one is straightaway linked to the cords of divinity?  

After that the force left me in voluntary control of my body. My spine got so tautly drawn and straight that I felt like a wooden plank. Then arrived the sweet aftermaths of the divine exercise performed on my body by the higher force—a prasada, a sweet reward. I found myself singing Hanuman chalisa all by myself. I hadn’t been able to memorize it in a yearlong chanting on Tuesdays. Now it was freely flowing from my mouth.

After that for about six months I would experience involuntary mudras and body movements that would play with me like a puppet. Then the crawling sensations started. I could feel the crawling movements across various prana channels in the body; like serpents crawling over the back and the head. There are little channels of crawling energies that I feel all the time. They aren’t painful. One gets used to them after a time. Different channels take shape at different stages. But the one on agya chakra is most forceful, keeps on sending streams of invisible energies down the bridge of the nose and on both sides. Another on the right side of lower back is also significantly active, and many along the spine. I know these are the pranic onslaughts let loose by Kundalini to remove the karmic entanglements still existing in my system.

Maybe all this happens to make us realize that we aren’t just what we think ourselves to be; or maybe to trash our ego that you aren’t solely in the driver’s seat of your destiny. Primarily, it’s to convince you that there are bigger realities and dimensions. At the body’s level, maybe it’s all meant to remove the psychic entanglements in our karmic structure. I know I have lots of karmic entanglements from the past to resolve and that’s why the rise of energy has posed such challenges. It isn’t necessary that someone else will go through the same sensations. All of us have unique genetic structure—an offshoot of our unique karmic arrangement—which responds in various ways to the exposure of this extra surge of energy. Still there are some common observations and on the basis of those experiences, observations and responses of the human body the theoretical framework of Kundalini has been set up to help us understand the basics of it. But one thing is sure, beyond the tiny framework of commonalities, the manifestations in different bodies are varying to a big degree. So we cannot generalize or compare one’s individual experience with others. These are mere pointers. I just shared my experience and it doesn’t in any way lay claim to any fundamental truth or law behind the Kundalini experience.

The journey continues my dear fellow travellers on the path. As the brain adjusts to this new surge of energy cascading across its hitherto unused neural pathways, I hear various types of sounds in my ears and the head. The story of sounds that you must have read one hears in Kundalini awakening is definitely true. I hear buzzing bees, tinkling bells, sharp chin-chin of anklets, drums, flute and rumbling of clouds. This is the divine music of high vibrational frequencies. Meditating on them can take a sadhak into very high dimensions of perception. But I’m a common man. I have my responsibilities and worldly duties to fulfill to resolve all my karmic issues still lying unsettled and creating my circumstances. So I travel on the path without any spiritual pretenses—balancing my path between worldly needs and the food for my soul.

I’m open to guidance. It always arrives from different corners. Presently, I have a hunch that His Holiness Mahavatar Babaji is guiding me on the path. And I feel privileged and blessed. I’m not bothered about the truth of it. Laugh at me, scoff at me but that’s my truth at the moment.

The common story of a common homemaker

 

Rajesh comes from a small village in a neighboring district. He learnt the most basic of education concerning reading and then decided to know about life in the living workshop itself. He worked as an apprentice to a lead acid battery maker, commuting daily to work at the town in crowded buses plying on famished roads. Discipline and diligence paid off and he evolved in profession. Now he has his own shop and sells both his own products as well as fancier brands.

His family stays in a nice little house at the town. His children go to an English medium school. Thanks to my buying a few inverter batteries from him, he is now a trustable friend. He seemed very concerned about my financially unproductive writing venture when I told him that I’m writing a book. A few months down the line, during our next meeting, after a frank discussion about the financial prospects of his battery business, he threw the ball in my court. ‘Have you completed that coppy?’ he enquired in all brotherly seriousness. To him writing, page, notepad, notebook, file, diary, book, tome everything is a simple ‘coppy’. I was clueless about this ‘coppy’. Then he picked up his dog-eared tiny pocket diary where he noted the stats of his business, mostly about the errant clients who delayed payments, and brandished it, ‘Yes coppy. You were writing a coppy na?’ So I assured him that my coppy was going well. At least it rhymes with ‘shoppy’. The latter happens to be the farmers’ version of the classical ‘Sufi’ christened upon me by my father.

You are the creator

 All this is a little funny innocent thoroughfare around. This creation is just pushing a unique expression through our identity, our point of existence in Her infinite folds. So let's be proud of what we are doing. Our karma is nothing but a contribution from our end to help the eternal truth in maintaining its sanctity, its mystical depth. So let's create well in full honesty to our own self. Spool your webs and feel that we are fulfilling a vital part in Her scheme of things. Each step we take is in fact Her step to realise Her full potential. We are merely an expression of the infinite potential lying at the quantum level to take more and more shapes and expressions. So do your karma in action, thoughts and emotions in full sincerity, with full awareness, with full presence. And you make Her happy, happy about Herself because She is you and you are just a drop in Her vast cosmic sea. She is happy when you are happy. She is sad when you are sad. She feels like a majestic creator when you are creating something in full awareness and consciously. And She is right there in you when you are aware of your full presence.

Hope

 Here is another story of Hope.

In the Himalayan villages there are some reports of some village elders willing to go into the forests so that they become prey to the tigers. These are very poor people. A tiger victim's family gets one million rupees in compensation. But is it only about money? No. It's about keeping the HOPE alive in their families even if they are no more. So dear friends, just imagine people are ready to even sacrifice their lives to keep the hope alive in their families. Hence, all the rest that one can do to keep the hope alive should be a mere cakewalk.

A little story of Hope

 Sharing the little story of a farmer in the locality.

A poor almost illiterate farmer with a little patch of land. A nice man but into alcohol. His son a very diligent disciplined hardworking boy. He did tapasya for medical studies in India. Sadly couldn't get admission. His father sold his little land and sent him to Russia for medical studies. The boy is excelling in studies there. The father is slowly dying and fading away but he is peaceful for keeping the HOPE alive in his son's life. There is a smile on his face even in the face of death.

That's what life is. If we are lucky we get people who help us in keeping our hopes alive. But even if we are all alone, we have our own SELF to keep the HOPE alive.

Healing your life!

 Good morning everyone...wake up to a lovely day of Karma, learning and smiles.

Sharing the story of Dr Joe Dispenza.

I always wondered how come this medicine man turns out to be such a mystic! And here is the cause.

He met an accident at the age of 23, breaking six vertebrae in the spine. Paralyzed. The doctors said the only chance at walking would come after inserting two 12 inch long steel rods along the spine. He said no and asked to be discharged from the hospital. For three months he lay on his stomach at his friend's place and reconstructed his spine using creative visualisation...step by step...with extreme focus, intention, awareness, being present in the body...and made a new reality using his mind power, by being open to the infinite mind that has all the solutions to all problems. He got up after three months and simply walked away to glory. He hasn't had back pain in the last three decades. He says it's not just about the body, we can heal our life in the same way by recreating better careers, relationships, everything.

Hope you like it. Wish you all a happy refabrication of life!🌷💛

Healing Hugs!

Grandpa's story

 It was a tough life for Grandfather. His father was bitten to death by bumble bees when he was only twelve. Grandfather had three siblings, all younger to him, two brothers and a sister. Those were the days of family feuds over land. The extended family had lots of domineering males and fearing for her life Grandfather’s widowed mother left the scene. At such a young age Grandfather became the family head. A mother abandoning her children left a deep scar on his heart for which he perhaps carried a heavy grudge against the entire women race. They were so young and had been left to fend for themselves, so maybe he was slightly justified in his discomfort about trusting women in general.

Well, they had to literally survive at the mercy of the clan members who tilled Grandfather’s land. The children toiled in the fields and got survival crumbs. Grandfather was very fond of studies but his life situation never allowed him to go beyond class eight.

When the boys came of age, taking possession of their land was a big milestone to be crossed. A kindly but burly farmer stood by them as they, armed with hayforks and sticks, tilled their first furrows as independent tillers of their share of land.

From the standards of the rustic society, Grandfather was almost a mathematics wizard. The village patwari had to depend on him to calculate and measure land. Grandfather loved playing with numbers. It seemed to be his Ikigai.

He once enrolled himself in the army. A very athletic and agile man he was making a good mark in running and kabbadi as a trainee recruit. His younger brother was also in the army and in the absence of senior menfolk the wives and children faced a lot of problems back home. Seeing their plight, one of his nephews, a zamadar in the British army, got his name struck off from the roll, on the plea that his uncle had run away from home, leaving behind his wife and children at the mercy of fate. In this way, Grandfather’s army career was nipped in the bud.

He was the only educated person in the surrounding area so he was then appointed as a primary school teacher. He held his tiny school in chaupals, where he taught all the primary students gathered in one group at a single place. These never exceeded a dozen or two constituting a single class for all the students at various rungs of academics from class one to five.

My granduncle was serving as a jailor of Multan prison and my father in fact did his schooling from the first to third standard from Multan. Later, Father would boast of his Multan schooling and fondly reminisced that the prisoners treated him like a prince.  

In 1947 the partition-time tragedy broke millions of dreams including Grandfather’s teaching career. There was an influx of refugees. Grandfather was relieved of his teaching duties and his position was given to some poor refugee trying to begin a new chapter here in India after the carnage.

A tragedy then struck the family. Granduncle died of tuberculosis followed by his wife shortly later. My own grandmother also died. So here was Grandfather all alone with his own son (my father) aged around ten and two little sons of the deceased granduncle, one aged five and the other just two. My second granduncle set up his separate family. So Grandfather had the task of rearing three sons singlehandedly. He stood up in his role as a crude version of father and mother both embaled in one unit. He didn’t remarry, fearing the stepmother would turn the life of the three boys very difficult. As I have said he had his own reasons to look at women with apprehension.

He then worked as a farmer and made several entrepreneurial attempts apart from his farming tasks. One of these was brick-making. Those were rudimentary brick-kilns where the bricks were baked in a heap under fuel wood, coal and dung cakes. Being a mathematician he was more into numbers and calculations, taking it as a big mathematical puzzle. His clever partners, who ran field operations, easily duped him while Grandfather was busy with his calculation books.

Grandfather appeared to be farsighted for those times. He found that Bengal had hardly any milk because their cattle were so small and famished. He mustered a band of like-minded farmers. They chose buxom-most buffaloes and these were boarded on a cargo train. The entourage chugged ahead on a long journey to Calcutta. Little did they realize that the Bengali babus hardly had a stomach for Punjabi lactose. They were, and still are, happy with their fish and scores of cuisines coming out of their cultural box. As can be expected the venture failed miserably.

Once, a farmer owed some money to Grandfather. The said farmer and his clan migrated to Pilibheet in Nepal terai and started farming there on leased lands. Grandfather knew how to keep his debtor still in sight. He followed them there with some calves. He thought that grazing on their land would fatten the calves and this would at least cover the interest on the money. The calves grew really well among the lush Himalayan foothill greenery. But there were leopards and tigers ready to pounce and take away their share from Grandfather’s debt recovery scheme. They smartly chucked away Grandfather’s interest earnings that manifested in the form of oodles of muscles on the growing cattle. Grandfather was left with one sturdy bull to show some proof of his venture to the villagers back home. He thought if he could transport that impressive bull to the village, it would help him save his name as an entrepreneur. The journey was stretched over many parts including walking and motor transport. During one leg of the journey the bull jumped from the wagon and broke its leg. Grandfather arrived at the village with a famished, limping bull.

Irrespective of all his setbacks he maintained his passion for mathematics. Its ripples would touch us till matriculation when he tried to solve algebra through his arithmetic techniques because algebra was outside his domain.

Ghosts floating in Tau's room

 Tau Hoshiyar Sing is nearly hundred and almost blind. Still he is smart and calculating enough to find his way using the bigger landmarks still visible to him and go for walks without tumbling even once. Sadly, he has met a tragedy at the far end of his honest, hard-worked farmer life. He lost his eldest son, Randhir (in his late sixties). Randhir was a very close friend of mine and a genuine well-wisher. So it’s a big loss to me as well.  

I’m sitting with Tau (uncle) in his little room, he lying on his charpoy and me on a chair by his side. Irrespective of age a parent would always feel the pain of losing his/her children. A slight tremor in his voice makes me feel the pain inside him, but otherwise he is as much composed like always, in full acceptance of life. His faith in God is as firm as usual. In my limited experience, I find him one of the rarest people who have such firm, rock-strong faith in the almighty even without going to a temple or worshipping a deity. I have never seen him entering a temple in my life, never performing a ritual, or going on a pilgrimage. But when I talk to him about God, he takes the name of God with such reverence and hundred percent confidence and honesty as to make him a highly spiritual person. And why won’t it be? After all, he has produced crops by irrigating them with his sweat, nurturing them with the nutrients of honesty and integrity. Nobody can point out that he committed even a single mistake that hurt someone’s interests. Godliness dawns in such people of its own. They are spirituality in practice, naturally, by default.

Whenever I meet him I joke that he can hardly see and uses his experience and smart brain to cross the streets and make others believe that he is still able to see and present right there in the race of life. And he always protests that he can ‘see’. So whenever I see him, I stand in front of him, change my voice and ask him to recognize me. Of course he fails to recognize me. When I laugh that see didn’t I tell you that you can see far less than you claim, he would slowly, dismissively say, ‘I had seen you clearly but I forgot your name because my memory is somewhat affected now.’ It means Tau takes the importance of eyes far more than the mind.

So in a light-hearted manner even now I’m prodding at his soft-spot regarding his eyesight. Then Tau is irritated a bit and lowers his guard. He then gives me a clue as to why he is trying to protect the honor of his eyes. ‘My right eye is almost gone. I can see only bigger things hazily with my left eye. So this left eye gives me a slight idea of the world around and allows me to walk. But all that adang-dhadang (honky dory) stuff is visible to my blind right eye,’ Tau tells me. I get straightened up with interest. I know Tau has entered the talk of the paranormal world even though he hardly believes in it. ‘I see much ulta-pulta with this blind eye. Like many people coming and going through the wall, appearing over the ceiling, someone going to the barn to get fodder. They aren’t scary in any sense. All of them well behaved. And always in clothes. The women also hold purdah over their face. Earlier I used to get curious about them. But now I don’t even think about them. They keep doing their business,’ Tau tells me with total indifference.

Well, his age seems to have given him extra-sensory perception. He surely sees disembodied souls floating around. After exiting the body, the individual consciousness still retains two elements out of the five. These are air and ether. So the disembodied souls float around with their two elements, carrying the predominant tendencies and inclinations found in their five-element body before death. Time trapped, they say, they float around to somehow fulfill the karmic balance before taking a body again. They are mere bubbles of air and ether floating around, looking at alive humans with jealousy for having a body and being able to carry out so many things. While in their endeavor to do something, they can just float around and sometimes interfere with the weakened energy systems in certain individuals. But what will they do to a robust farmer like Tau? He is very much comfortable to see them as companions during lonely nights in his little room.

But isn’t this interesting that old Tau sees entities with his blind eye? By the way, he doesn’t believe in ghosts. And what will ghosts do to someone who doesn’t even believe in them. Tau has put all his belief in one super-entity—God. And that too without having to go to a temple, without performing rituals, or going on pilgrimages. He has established it—his faith—right there with a firm farmer’s foot. And the ghosts play around him on lonely nights.

‘You are lucky Tau in that you get a free movie watching with your blind eye,’ I laughed. ‘Hmm!’ he intoned again pretty dismissively.  

The gardener turned king

 

Two millennia before Christ, the people of the Mesopotamian city of Babylon had an interesting manner of celebrating the new year. Commendably they had their fixed twelve-month calendar that allowed them a sense of managing time. So they would have their new year, allowing them celebrations for a new start. A common person would be crowned ‘king for a day’ in the morning. The one-day king would be exposed to all the luxurious delicacies of royalty. But before the day end the one-day king would be sacrificed to appease the Gods. Maybe they believed that the Gods would feel pampered over having a king sacrificed at their feet. Then one year, Enlil-bani, the king’s gardener, got his term to be appointed as one-day king on the first day of the new year. Possibly the Gods got fed up with one-day kings’ sacrifices and decided to have the real taste of royalty. Before the sacrifice, the real king fell ill suddenly and died. As luck would have it, the one-day king turned into almost a quarter century long king. The gardener turned king ruled for two and half decades with wisdom and practical acumen. At least he must have focused on flowers and gardens because there are some poems eulogizing him for his good work.

A kind, gentle charity-seeker

 

He is a small man, himself carrying very dismissive air about his own persona. No wonder he walks so lightly and looks at ease with himself. He visits the village asking for donations for a blind school they operate. Most of them are fake, so even a few genuine social workers get repulsed from the doors. He has a pad of receipts bearing the address and contact numbers of the said school. The nice thing about him is that he does not show you any sign of disappointment, disgruntlement or irritation. As you say ‘no’ he would give you a smile and move on. It seems like a concession to you because normally charity seekers haggle with you and won’t leave your doors before making their disappointment all too evident to you and making you feel guilty or angry. I have said a firm ‘no’ to him a few times and every time he did not say a single word and left with a smile. He has been giving me a free smile. I somehow feel indebted to him. As social animals you want to reciprocate on an impulse. His nice behavior, his concession by not haggling or showing any visible traces of any irritation, gets me in compliance finally. I give him some money. He has earned it by leaving me with the feeling of indebtedness by giving me subtle concessions, pulling me into compliance mode finally.