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Hi, this is somebody who has taken the quieter by-lane to be happy. The hustle and bustle of the big, booming main street was too intimidating. Passing through the quieter by-lane I intend to reach a solitary path, laid out just for me, to reach my destiny, to be happy primarily, and enjoy the fruits of being happy. (www.sandeepdahiya.com)

Sunday, September 20, 2026

September Chronicles from the past: Between the Monsoon, the Match and the Nation

The world has moved on unmindfully, unrepentantly, optimistically on the path of forgetting the losses and magnifying the gains.

The tragedy of the 21st—cousin brother's death—and the triumph of the 24th—victory in the Twenty20 World Cup—are left behind like a black dot and a shinier one, though a bit larger, put side by side in the dustbin.

Metallic and biological lives hurtle on the iron and cell rails respectively.

And such is the journey that, with each passing hour, both the tragedy and the triumph now acquire the same colour—that of unimportance and insignificance; a big greying happening in which the victor and the decimated, winners and losers, happiness and sorrows burn and boil in this elaborate vat of the past, to turn it into the sticky, flabby, tarred, dredgy fluid of the past.

Despite early promise, the monsoon has failed miserably—not a single shower of significance in the months of August and September to this date.

But despite this unfaithfulness on the part of the drenchy maiden, the paddy, thanks to the irrigation canals and channels kissing the fringes of the agricultural-scape of the village, is lush green, promising, sturdy and healthy.

A bumper crop the farmers expect.

So the farmers don't bother too much about this meteorological miss.

The sun during the month of September is very vigorous. So is the greenery around, and both, in a tango, make an eye-blinding canvas of nature.

The monsoon is gone. Almost. 

The almost blazing blue sky is now dotted with independently moving, fluffy white and grey wads of clouds, travelling lugubriously, aimlessly over the blue bosom of the sky.

The rear guard—all disheartened, dispirited—moving to reach up to the main columns of the Goddess of Rain.

These scattered clouds are the rear guard of the main columns of the Goddess of Rain.

In Myanmar, red-robed Buddhist monks, armed with the pistols of begging bowls and the war cries of peace and brotherhood, are moving in a massive march to raise a non-bloody resistance against the military junta.

But if not now, then in the coming days it will turn bloody anyway.

Given their legendary patience their robes can soak much blood.

Much blood. There seems to be more and more demand for shedding innocent human blood. 

*****

Cricket, cricket, cricket, and more cricket.

That seems to be the national credo.

It is the mighty banyan of modern India, with new shoots, saplings, roots, after the Twenty20 triumph.

So much so that overenthused players as well as fans, forgetting the past pains and humiliating defeats, proclaim us as the true champions now.

Much-piqued Mr. Ponting, the Australian, warns us to look back and notice the Aussies' triumphs in the Tests and 50-over one-dayers.

But overzealous fans don't pay any heed to the different versions requiring better skills and the likes at the higher hierarchy in the game.

Everybody seems to shout:

“We are the latest true champions.”

But it is very precarious—a beautiful vale and a precipice.

One single victory takes the entire cricketing scene to the beautiful vales of popularity, money, status, shouts and celebration.

But the precipice is just one step ahead, always.

One misstep and all is lost, all is forgotten.

Funeral dirges are sung.

I fear the very same this afternoon during the day-night one-day match against the Aussies.

The big three, the old veterans, will be returning to action.

Cricket, however, is a cruel game, and so are the fans and media.

Every action of the old pros, the time-tested heroes of the past two decades, will be scrutinised through the overexcited, overdemanding, overadolescent lenses framed by the new crop of swaggering hitters and fast runners.

It is an irony that the most boisterous section among the fans is that which thinks cricket is just a game of hit and run:

Hit, hit, hit.

Run, run, run.

Faster, stronger, stronger, showing a no-nonsense and powerful urge towards the cause of entertaining cricket. No place for test match class and elegance. 

The shouty fundamentalists and terminators, the crazy amateur fans who are not serious about the classics, the fundamentals of cricket, prattle that the gloriously grizzled feathers on the heads of old, ancient kings should be snatched and put on strong new shoulders.

The majestic trio thus have to wage a war which goes beyond cricket.

It is about outdoing their own robust pasts.

It is about outshining the vagrant urchins shiny and showy in their theatrics.

It is about winning matches in different styles for a different audience.

*****

Let's move away from the frenzied cricketing lanes.

Away from the frenzied cricketing lane, let us enter the silently hobnobbing back alleys to find out what is cooking. Secretly. Sinisterly. 

We are obliged to enter the back alleys because there are no open main streets in the swarming city of politics for we the common people.

What cooks there is either too simple or too complex, and thus missed by the poor masses.

In both cases, it is too simple if we understand and keep in mind a few subtle blocks beneath the political facade—the contrite art of indirect fight, using the pawns of blind masses, unsuspecting followers, constitutional machinery, channelising the frenzied, passionate, etc., etc.

But such dusty, cheap nuances are scattered unpretentiously around our feet to attract any critical glare.

Okay, be it so.

*****

The communists always—it is their soul force—want to shake the stage with ideological theatrics, even when they are part of the game and plot. The ever-cringing urge of revolution, I think. 

So the UPA government led by Mr. Manmohan Singh, the meek and the sleek and the most learned of the lot, is getting some serious jolts from the red shirts, crying foul over India's nuclear deal with the sign of imperialism, America.

So from the soldiers of liberation from capitalism, there is a war cry.

Belligerent China is much mellowed in its grip regarding India because it now has its band of wayfarers in the form of Leftists in India, the orchestra fuming with ideological fury.

So the Leftists shout:

“Go back on your treaty with the bully.”

They order the apparently meek Mr. Singh, while the new foreign-made Iron Lady fumes aggression into the oddly humble, turbaned mentor of the country.

The supporters of the treaty say that it will ensure the transfer of the latest civilian nuclear technology to India, as well as take us into the good books of the superpower.

The detractors and critics say there are unseen ghosts in the closet of weak clauses in the treaty, which will cut India's nuclear weapons programme, increase our distance from our traditional ally Russia, create more ruffles in the red feathers of the Chinese dragon, and naturally make us an object of targeting by Islamic jihadis.

The revolutionary communists are thus threatening to pull the cart of the government.

But after witnessing the initial all-round condemnation of their blackmailing, they are going cautiously now.

Let us see which way the camel takes a turn? 

This way?

That way?

How can we, the common people, know?

It is such a secret game out there in the top echelons of power.

Nothing can be certain when the matter at hand involves our dear red shirts.

Anything and everything can be expected from them.

After all, they are a class which will not blink an eye in shedding blood for some utopian cause. As it has proved world over. 

So smothering some ideological stand for commitment to peace; or tearing away any understanding they have with their partners -- these are beyond the cognitive reach of those who can't fully gauze the idea of killings for common good.

The earlier an understanding is made, the more digestible it will be to their supporters.

At least it saves their shirts from getting still redder. In mind at least. 

So while the red tinge on the Leftist brows gets redder, the pale-faced, learned Prime Minister, dumped helplessly at the helm of affairs, shows surprising defiance.

He has Righted the Leftist ways a bit, because his humble facial expression, by the side of the iron lady, was totally unexpected.

The allies wanted a far, far weaker response from the economist Prime Minister.

But the conservative fellow must have surpassed even himself by taking a strong verbal stand.

*****

Idgah Colony is Sonipat's poor Muslim locality.

Two or three thousand poor Muslims live in this crowded, narrow-laned, dingy-housed neighbourhood. A humble minority surrounded by people of other faiths, totalling about three lakhs in the city, mostly Hindus.

Terribly outnumbered, they have their own world of insecurities, inhibitions, visions, hopes and despairs.

Pakistan, with its brand of pan-Islamism, which of late is crumbling apart, is too far. They need to survive through manual, semi-skilled means and are somehow facing more trouble in making a living in these times when traditional occupations are losing their hold in rapidly modernising India.

So Pakistan might indulge in domineering slogan-shouting for the cause of Islam, but that does not change the ground reality of poor Muslims here in India.

In fact, it makes it tougher for them.

Against this background, life here in this locality moves slowly in the side lane.

During the last almost sixty years, Sonipat has had a decent communal history. Just for some tiny exceptions. A tiny cubicle of a mosque by the erstwhile railway crossing—which has been removed now with the coming of the first flyover—was perhaps the only exception.

A small group of vandals, acting big on the clarion call of nationalism, had broken a few tiles and bricks from the tiny mosque's small façade in the aftermath of the Ayodhya happenings.

Some patriotic organizations have their branches in most of the cities. No problem with patriotic organizations at all. They have done great work during instances of national calamities. Just that petty holligans join their bands during times of emotional upheavals and spoil the name of the organisers. 

Sonipat has its own.

Their fiercely focused agenda makes me uncomfortable. A bit. For my beloved Bharat Mata. Or maybe I don't know enough about them to give judgments on them. I want it to be peaceful, prosperous Hindustan and for that we need social harmony. 

Midway through the Twenty20 World Cup final, the cable network in half of the city and in most of the villages around came to naught. Connection was lost, leaving people fretting with anger. 

A rumour spread that the Pakistan-favouring Muslims in Idgah Colony had snapped the lines passing through their neighbourhood in order to stigmatise the taste of victory.

Frenzied cricket devotees, their devotion double-dosed with the help of religious divides, hastily arranged for a public screening at Mission Chowk, and they celebrated the victory with a triple dose of enthusiasm.

Triumphant firecrackers were burst before the mosques in the colony.

Two or three thousand supposedly sulking Muslims surrounded by two or three lakhs jubilant Indians. I thank god that no untoward incident happened later that night. 

The equation is too skewed to lend any credibility to the rumour.

I plainly accept that they can't dare to do any mischief.

They just cannot. Can't afford to do it. 

So I explicitly smell a conspiracy—some mischievous group trying to create more social division—and they have made a start in a populist manner.

It does not portend well even for such small cities, which have scatterings of minority religionists in a sea of the majority.

All I can do is to pray for our majestically multi-cultural motherland, one of its own kind in the world. 


The diary of a girl

Given below are the poems and notes from the diary of a girl. A girl who suddenly arrived in my life. And was gone with the ease with which she had arrived. Just like you have a lovely drizzle suddenly wetting you, then gone. There is a beauty in such arrival; there is still beauty in such departure. The little space in between measures eternity. Through unconditional love, not the needy love that we are acquainted with. 

As I tried to regain my footing in the almost labor-intensive world of the publishing industry, after civil services and business ventures having gone wrong, nothing to show off, high on academics, having spent my entire life in books, and a few years then in business, here I stood almost at the level of average graduates the struggling publishing houses of Delhi NCR.

And one winter night, the girl, about twelve years younger to me, arrives. It was a cold December night. In pink woolens, very fair-coloured, high boots, loveliest smile. I stayed in a poor locality to save on rent, and she was class, elegance, style and modernity symbolized to the last curve of her charming presence—a real head-turner.

There she approaches without any circuitous coquetry that you typically see in females. Even if they desire you, they will take the indirect path, ultimately forcing the men to take the lead and ultimately get all the credit and later the blame for having built up that relationship. That's natural, actually, because man himself has been doing so many negative and aggressive things regarding our softer but equally capable part of humanity, that is, womenfolk.

She told me that she had been in love with me since she was thirteen, a fan of my poems, which she avidly read on my blogs. She had heard a lot about me. Her father knew my father, and she had seen me two, three times as a girl growing up with the dreams and vision of the purity of love that she thought was coming through my poems.

And then, for a decade, we were out of connection. There was hardly any clue about what was happening in each other's lives. 

She got married very early, I think just at the age of nineteen, and that was the forced arranged marriage, I suppose, by her family—because she was so beautiful, and they thought that in a conservative society it might bring problems. She was daring, gutsy, not reserved at all, and there was always a line of boys and men pursuing her. So, in order to avoid any eventuality of scandalous kind, they married her off, but it was just like putting her into imprisonment.

She had talent. She had deep emotions, a good mind, a vast heart, and her husband was a normal, average, rich guy. Within a year, she became a mother to a boy. But, as was inevitable, that narrow domestic confine would never ever hold her like a prisoner, and she escaped.

She left everything—the comfort and millions of rupees of her husband and his family. Her own family also almost discarded her. So she was all on her own, surviving in this big, bad world, and she has been paying a big cost for having grabbed her share of freedom.

On a chilly winter night, she arrives in my life, at my modest room, and comes and approaches and kisses, and in natural surrender, evolving, telling me the truth that the idea of love in her young heart germinated in my form through my poetry when she was a very young girl of thirteen. And now, ten years after that, she just finds it almost natural to find me in her arms. It was destined to be, she said. 

I was a bruised soldier from the battle fields of civil services and business in Africa, so it was a wonderful feeling to have her around. Her sweet presence lasted for about six months. She wasn't intrusive at all. I felt here was a girl who would totally surrender to a man but still would stay completely unpossessed by him; and won't possess the man from her side as well. Just a state of meditative being in the loops and folds of unqualified, unending love. An open love without the costumes of roles, responsibilities, expectations and needs. A naked slice of truth, raw, natural, cosmic, not something manmade. 

The girl, without any cleverness to manipulate a man, or sharpness or shrewdness to manage or control a man to meet her ends, to fulfil her needs; just like the natural flow of a wild stream. A wild river, I called her.

And those moments with her, in the entire ecstatic broadness of intimacy, generated some of the most wonderful passionate poetry during that phase in my life. I had faced so many failures in my life, and she, always embracing with her fully expressed love, appeared like a cushion support. An all-embracing entity. 

She arrived like a beautiful spring full of flowers—flowers fragrant, lovely-coloured, cool breeze—enough to make me forget about the wounds and bruises of life.

No expectations from either side, no plan. We just enjoyed each other's presence, just like two free shapes of clouds travelling in an azure sky, coming to touch each other, slowly, gently merging into each other, acquiring a big mixed shape of pleasure, love, ecstasy, joy and happiness.

Then the natural winds.

And both of us simply drifted away, moving on with altered shapes, which was the proof of being in each other's presence. An evolution.

No grudges, no blame, no quarrel. She was too soft to speak even a single harsh word. She could just smile. 

So the girl was gone, leaving behind her diary—a diary containing her poems. 

The Diary, a repository of her young heart. 




And again, for more than a decade, she would be gone, without giving a feeling of heartbreak or pain to me, seeking her freedom, paying a big cost of condemnation, jealousy, judgments by mainstream society with its chains and check-dams.

Then after a decade on her mysterious path, she suddenly drops a message through email.

I met her on the banks of Ganga Ma. A flower that has seen the hoary blizzards and storms but is still full of freedom, smile and beauty. Fiercely independent and free in her loving softness. She has grown to be a highly evolved spiritual being. The raw love is polished by the furnace of life. It seeps through her majestic presence. 

It was a wonderful day of coffee at a table overlooking Ganga Ma, walks on her majestic banks, visits to bookshops where I gifted her books, talks about life sitting near the holy stream. A beautiful sharing of each other's presence. A mystical, platonic feeling.

We both know we have gone too far on our own paths, so accept it with grace and dignity. Our distinct lives have been shaped too forcefully.

There she walks, giving even foreigners pangs of jealousy and desire with her majestic style and standout beauty and lofty bearing. And after a wonderful day on the holy banks, there she gives a gentle kiss on the side of my neck and again melts away on her path. I don't look back as I take leave of her. There is no pain, just fulfillment. 

We don't pursue or disturb each other. Just sometimes drop messages when some faint nostalgic push connects a thread.

And to make it evident how deeply in love she had been with my poetry, I can see a couple of my poems in her personal diary, where she outpours her innermost feelings; feeling so close to the emotions in my poems as to present them so near to her own poems. Most importantly, the words become your own if you connect to them so intimately. 

Of course, when you connect to something with such deep authenticity, they are your own words.


And these are her poems.

Oh Lord; I wanna cry
cry my heart out.
Is it the world or thy
on whom I wanna shout.
Overwhelming ecstasy of the moment
has shaken the swooning heart
And left behind the fountain of pain
Though.
It was a threatening thunder
Yet I thought love was about to rain.
Thy shower all the fragrance
on this poor creature in terrain.
Happiness although departed,
not to return
Yet left behind the stream of
this painful remembrance
Me a mystic on thy path.
a salvation they say.
This heaving heart of mine.
long kept captured but preserved
wants to break the cage now
and dissolve in divine river.

——— ◇ ———

"Dead sea are they
drowned is man in
Modernity and archaic old.
making them immortal.
Shrinks world today
with deadly spasms
Its small size not a sign of human
but a stone-like
exploiting dead society
useless is human real; for few new heights
As centuries tread away 

man becomes more
inhuman & intolerant.

Yes only hope lay in tolerance divine,
The thing humane most, able to do good all."


——— ◇ ———

“Chance to survive lie
not so in modernity
As in a human real
Intolerant is not which
like a machine, emotionless.”

——— ◇ ———

“There are crushed hearts;
not to be broken.
Mine me think is one
Else I would not wake & weep.
when you to slumber gone”.

Narrow is the lane of love
two exists not.
When I was the Lord was not.
Now he is, I am not.

“It's a rare delight
in lonely nights.
whispering to my love
and hearing replies.”

“Mind you oh gust of wind
Dare, if you ruffle the locks of
my beloved”

——— ◇ ———

Security is mere a superstition,
one cannot consent to creep,
when one has the consent to
soar.

Drop the mind that thinks in
prose,
Revive another kind of mind
that thinks in poetry
Put aside all your expertise in
syllogism
Because heart is closer to
mysteries.

——— ◇ ———

OH. my child I miss you
Every day I miss you even
more. Just thinking of the
time you were in me.
You made me feel what
they say life inside life.
Each day you grew more
and made me feel enlightened
In my womb's warmth,
were you, making me feel
the urge of love to live.
To live my life with you, for you.
Your kicks in my womb.
entangled me with happiness.
What ever I do you were
in me, saying MOM I care.
Slowly & gradually came the
day, of beautiful pain ever.
The pain of happiness I
must say.
And here I see you.
OH! So beautiful it was.

——— ◇ ———

Love although a body of lies.
Knowing it now, my heart smiles.
Was it never love, or just
it was attraction, so called lust.
In just a phase, I had felt.
lost in love, my heart had melt.
Now knowing the truth, I am surprised
the beliefs were fake, I have realised.
my deeds I thought were sins invincible
Penance and austerities now the principle
of getting off this suppressed old soul
to rejuvenate in life being the goal
Now when life laughed at me
the love in air has now flee.

——— ◇ ———

Poor heart is mourning a lot.
words now are helping me not.
Oh! the rain of love
where are you residing.

——— ◇ ———

If you have a friend treat
him with care, you'll know
his worth when you see his
empty chair.

We have limited time on earth
and once departed shall return
no more.

He who felt greatest misery can
feel the greatest happiness.

And by and by my soul
returned to me, and answered
I, myself am heaven and
hell.

Death is not an event in life
we do not experience death.

——— ◇ ———

Never seek to tell your love
love that never told can be,
for the gentle wind does move
silently & invisibly.

The wise world should look into
your moon & mock you

The secrets of eternity neither you
know, nor I. And this
riddled letter neither you read!

Difficult now to shed tears of
blood; no more strength in the
heart to bleed.

Sleep & bliss comes easy to
him in whose arms lies
your tresses

——— ◇ ———

Seeing her I became
cheerful, she thinks the patient
is well.

The secrets of our life,
are like the leaves of the book
our friends can but read only
the title

It's a rare delight in lonely
nights, whispering to my love
and hearing replies.

Enough have I seen of this
earthly show; Prosper you my
friend, I depart for home

My restless heart unleashed a
storm, its wailing raised a
doom-like din.

——— ◇ ———

She won't be beauty conscious
Nor I conscious of Love
Such of joy of innocence I know
not where to find.

Why I alone did seek, cure
of my pain, Are there no
others afflicted worse than me

The silence of the stars at
night compels me to weep
unique is my love, unique
my wails.

——— ◇ ———

Now go and live in a land,
O — with none to share
your secrets & song, build a
house without doors & walls,
with none as guards and
neighbours none; No one to care
if you fell sick & none to mourn
when you are dead.

Who is there for you to call
your own? my heart, for
whom you shed your fertile tears,
The world is there. let it be
your own dear. life is hardly
your own

——— ◇ ———

He gave me tokens three:
A look, a word of his
winsome mouth & pain for the
rest of my life

forget not then you own approved
the one which so long had
you so loved, whose steadfast
faith yet never moved.

I am a person known to be
candid but — he never took
me as I did. I was pure
with my soul that's what I
am as a whole to make
away from me he played a
magnificent role only for that
he was bold, for being
emotional my heart was sold.

——— ◇ ———

life I know not what you are
But know that you & I
must part. And when, or
how or where we met to
me it is a secret yet.

There is a pleasure in the
pathless woods, there is a
rapture on the lonely shore
There is a society where none
intrudes, by the deep ocean
of my heart.

  • Ah Love! could you and I
    with fate conspire, to grasp
    this sorry scheme of things
    entire. could we scatter it
    to bits & then remould it
    nearer to the heart's desire.

——— ◇ ———

I am monarch of all I survey
my right there is none to
dispute: from the centre all
round to my heart. I am
lord of the soft and brute of
my heart.

what, silent still? & silent all
Ah! no. — the voice of the dead
sound like a distant torrents
fall, its but the living
who are dumb.

The things that depart which
never may return, Childhood
& Love's first glow - have
fled like sweet dreams
leaving me to mourn.

——— ◇ ———

These common woes I feel,
one loss is mine, which you
did not feel, deserting me
you leave me to grieve. thus
having been. You should cease
to be.

I thought my self to be gone
thou all seemed to be the
one. Most tough for all the
love but dear know not how
you came and made me
fall again.

oh my only friend, my
best beloved, the gates are
open in my heart -do not
pass by like a dream.

——— ◇ ———

Now death can part us,
or make you less my own
It is sweeter sleeping at
your side, than watching her
alone.

With you the dreams of my love
come true. Every thought of
my reason is yours. In my
last humble prayer to the
spirits above. that my name
shall be mingled with yours.

Tired with all that, from that
would I be gone, save this
to die, I leave my love
alone.

——— ◇ ———

“How do one stay faithful to
a person, one have never even
slept with”

My son is my son till he have
got him a wife.
But my daughter is my DAUGHTER
all the days of her life.

OH death! One's dearest friend
the kindest & the best.

Whose empire is the name you
weep upon. within that
circle none dare walk but I.

——— ◇ ———

Reading good books is like
a conversation with finest men
of past.

for today I don't have a tear
to shed, for so many sufferings
I have. once I was able to
unleash a flood for just a
small pain.

Who needs wine for pleasure;
to forget myself alone I drink.

——— ◇ ———

By the time you swear you're
his shivering & sighing. And he
vows his passions is infinite,
undying — Lady make a note of
this: One of you is lying.

WHY are always unanswerable to the
mind. It seems that whenever you
can ask a why, it can be answered.
But that is one of the false
assumptions. No ‘why’ has ever been
answered or can be answered.

——— ◇ ———

All the aims left behind; just
seek the peace in me, Oh
Lord, put some light
and courage. Grant me this
much I pray, hope I am
not being too demanding.

Truely we name feelings as
EMOTIONS, this little heart
fluctuates in fractions of seconds.
Just a glance & it smile, in
a blink it sheds away tears.

——— ◇ ———

31/07/2011

A feeling of nothingness, once
in imagination I had, facing
the hard facts of life I
know, neither happy nor sad.
Long run to know what I
want from life, Cruelty is
from world or it we who strive.
What ever happens we blame
the world, but it's nothing but
our thoughts swirled.

——— ◇ ———

Smiles seem to be far away,
Is as close to my lips.
although just about to hug,
the way we stand on shore
watching the sea in
sky's arms. Beholding each
other but far apart.

After a long war of thoughts
arrives a deep silence.
Strangely the war freezes
no one wins & looses the none.
mind, the player still running
around, seeking new desires.
Alone I shall walk through
enough of being with crowd.

——— ◇ ———

Bangkok, the very name is evocative
of the orient. Thailand's spectacular
capital city, Bangkok, or
Krung Thep as it's called in Thai —
is one of Asia's most famous
tourist destinations.

A blend of gleaming skyscrapers &
ancient oriental shrines.
Bangkok's every street has a surprise
in hold for the visitors.
Bangkok attracts holiday makers &
travellers from all over the globe
with its temples, shopping centres,
bars & clubs.

——— ◇ ———

Bangkok is as intoxicating as it is
diverse.
A melting pot of exotic aromas,
interesting sights & visual delights.
One of the most vibrant cities in
South East Asia. It's a place
with infinite layers which you
need to explore to reveal its hidden
secrets.

I am thinking & you are
watching & I guide. Bangkok,
I am going to take you on a
tour to discover what has given
this city its iconic status.

——— ◇ ———

Bangkok is as intoxicating as it
is diverse.
A melting pot of exotic aromas,
interesting sights & visual delights.
One of the most vibrant cities
in South East Asia.
It's a place with infinite layers
which you need to explore to
reveal its hidden secrets.

Saturday, September 19, 2026

Diary 2026 - Sweet September

September—the season of stray big clouds floating in the azure blue sky, like big wagons acquiring different shapes. This is the season of the retreating monsoon, and instead of the grey and black widespread canvas of monsoon clouds, like in the earlier months, which results in widespread rains, here in September you have sudden drizzles sent down by these mischievously floating clouds.

So, a sudden drizzle here, sunshine there, and due to the rainy season, the trees have a lush green canopy.

There has been lots of nesting by the birds, and a few survivors. Like in a typical nest of a bird—suppose there are four eggs—two or three of them are able to successfully come out of the nest for the first few days of basic training in survival. After a couple of days, I think hardly one or two survive, and at the end of it, possibly just one bird takes full wing to start an independent life for Mother Creation from its end. That's what we call successful nesting.

This is the season of gentle breeze, and you can see lots of children flying kites from rooftops, kites swaying against the various shapes of clouds in the sky.

For the past few days, a group of Asian green bee-eaters has arrived in the area. It's a beautiful bird, sending down trill, trill notes as it flies, taking dives with agility, stalking its prey mid-air—mosquitoes, moths, bees and flies.

Honeybees, I think, hardly form the core of their staple diet as of now because there is hardly any honeycomb left. But yes, houseflies have increased tremendously. So should we rechristen them as fly-eaters instead of bee-eaters?

On the Parijat tree, on its grey trunk, I could see a circular mating of monkey caterpillars. This is the particular pattern that they make in order to stay as a unit and survive.




The trees in the garden have nourished their canopy to such an extent that now the entire garden has a roofing of leaves, with barely any sky visible above.

And look at Mother Nature's beautiful way of maintaining balance. You have these voracious leaf-eaters, the caterpillars, who eat up entire leaves. Just like if you have many rats, you will have snakes. If you have rats, you will have cats. Just a balancing act.

They survive in a group, in a colony, these monkey caterpillars. But those who have fallen from the colony on the leafy Parijat are waging a long survival fight to go and make a shelter somewhere, crawling on the ground, their fate decided by so many chance factors, accidental circumstances which decide whether they reach home. Many of them get squashed under human feet, and possibly, while being left alone in the open on the ground, crawling slowly, some naughty bird with time on its hands tries to break the fuzzy resistance of their bristly hair.

Some of the caterpillars even manage to reach inside the room, and one of them I found in my shoes. I wonder what it would have eaten there.

As far as caterpillars are concerned, it's a very symbolic tale of transformation, like so many other species, phenomena and processes going on on Earth.

The larval stage, the caterpillar, is its feeding stage, with fuzzy hair spikes serving as a defence mechanism against predatory birds. And if it manages to reach the pupa stage, these monkey caterpillars don't form a smooth chrysalis like butterflies. Instead, they spin a silken cocoon, weaving their shed hairs into the silk to make it stronger and save themselves from the predatory beaks of birds.

And inside this cocoon, the famous metamorphosis occurs, and a moth comes out to take flight as an independent entity, taking its lineage further into the cosmic folds of expansion.

These monkey caterpillars are processionary caterpillars, and I found a little colony of them on the host tree, the leafy Parijat, the night-flowering jasmine, trying to survive as a colony, as a unit, aggregating on the trunk and then moving up to devour and eat the green leaves.

The solitary monkey caterpillar that I see crawling on the yard bricks looks like a fuzzy, thick, brownish mass crawling from a distance. But as I look closely, I see its fine, long, brownish-grey bristles spiked along a greyish or dark brown body.

But the Parijat loop was quite interesting, where they were aggregated as a unit. During the daytime heat, they form a circular mat on the tree's main trunk, almost blending with the tree trunk's colour to hide and remain cool. And they break the pattern, as if waking up at dusk, and move in a file or a procession line, heading towards the leafy canopy to eat the green foliage through the night.

And after surviving this phase, they will spin cocoons and then metamorphose into monkey moths.

The monkey moth is a medium-to-large fuzzy moth, having broadish tan or brownish-yellow wings streaked with delicate, wavy patterns—a nice design of Mother Nature on their wings. They are called monkey moths because the adult moth's face and legs have thick, woolly hairs resembling a little monkey's fur.

And one has to be careful. Forget about birds—even humans have to be careful about touching them because they have urticating, that is, stinging hairs. They can give you itching and rashes. And if your hand brushes a bit more forcefully against them, you may end up having bristles stuck in your skin.

And as a colony, they are quite strong eaters. They skeletonize the leaves, meaning they eat the entire leaf, leaving only the veins.

Now, as far as their procession is concerned, they are kind of follow-the-leader champions. If you see them breaking their loop and starting to crawl up the trunk to reach the leafy canopy, it will count as a kind of military-grade procession. The leader leaves an invisible silk trail or pheromone trail, and the leader's rear is followed by the follower's head, which is almost touching the leader's rear.

Like the locked compartments of a train, the entire chain of these caterpillars then moves up the tree.

And there have been very funny experiments in the past to test to what extent they can go into this processionary linear path.

While they are resting during the day to keep themselves safe as well as cool during the hot September sunny noons, it's a big fuzzy group hug. In the hot day, they don't hide individually under the leaves. Rather, they form a tight circular mat. It is a kind of group hug to stay cool and stay safe.

They look like a big hairy circular mass, a single one, and possibly it scares the birds. They find it to be something very big. And if a predator still reaches them, the entire group mat pulsates with a violent hairy rhythm to scare away the bird.

So that gives the moral that strength lies in unity—one and one makes eleven.

These lessons are clearly written over there in Mother Nature. We just should take small pauses and read them. This is an entire endless book of endless lessons of wisdom and practicality.

So these are characterized by synchronized marching with military precision, group hugging to survive as a unit, and when the metamorphosis takes place, these are miniature winged monkeys on closer look—the monkey moths, a kind of funny flying winged monkey.

Now there was this entomologist, Jean-Henri Fabre.

He was an interesting guy. He had the patience to watch and muse over the small world of insects and bugs. Alongside, he had the masterful playing spirit of a child, full of puns and jokes. And when these came together, they would provide funny anecdotes along with so many nice golden bits of truth that he extracted from the existential fabric of Mother Nature.

So he performed an experiment on these processionary caterpillars. It turns out to be a classic dark comedy as well, and the experiment earns the title of the "Circle of Doom."

He saw the hairy caterpillars in his garden. Very cleverly, he coaxed them onto a very big clay flowerpot with a broad rim, and then he manoeuvred them to move around the rim of the flowerpot in a circle.

The leader took the lead, and as it was moving on a circular path, very soon it found itself at the rear end of the last caterpillar.

So now everyone was a leader as well as a follower at the same time, in a closed loop. No leader, all followers—or all followers, no leader—in a never-ending marathon.

So symbolic of the way things go in the human world as well.

So we have to choose our leader very, very wisely.

The poor caterpillars, blindly trusting the chemical trail of the one in front of them, went on marching in the freezing cold at night. During the hot day they paused briefly and rested in a mat. Then, with the arrival of the new sun, they again started on the same circular path.

And it went on for seven days.

On the seventh day, a few starving and exhausted caterpillars stumbled out of the loop. Either it was incidental, or maybe they were pioneer caterpillars, just like you have pioneers in the human world. They laid out a new chemical trail, and the remaining exhausted and wearied followers again followed them—to food and safety this time.

So possibly there are pioneers in the human world as well who have the capacity in them to break the wearied, fatal and doomed loop, and they create an offbeat path that leads to something new.

In real life, there have been a few instances which are quite funny. Jamie Dornan, the star of Fifty Shades of Grey, was playing golf with his friends in Portugal. They were so engrossed in playing that Jamie and his friend brushed quite vigorously and forcefully against a line of pine processionary caterpillars, and they had many bristles sticking into their skin.

They took it to be a minor itch, rubbed themselves with their palms and went on playing.

By evening, Jamie's friend's left arm went completely numb, and his heart was racing. He thought he was having a heart attack. Dornan himself found his hands and legs going numb.

So a medical emergency was declared. They were taken to a hospital, and doctors told them that they had borne the brunt of a passing line of marching caterpillars and ended up having many bristles in their skin. After rubbing, the reaction had become much worse.

Coming back to Jean-Henri Fabre, he had the patience of a lama in a cave, and he combined his childish sense of humour with a lama's patience and meditative presence. It made a very, very striking combination for looking deep into the lives of bugs and insects, even though it made the life of that particular individual bug or insect quite difficult for some time.

His dung beetle prank is quite famous.

Dung beetles roll balls of poop to bury, and while one rolls its booty, a friendly beetle may arrive, apparently to help.

But don't get it wrong.

It comes to steal it.

And there is a fight. The owner beetle has to chase it away.

Now, in order to test the value of the hard-earned dung ball for its owner beetle, Jean-Henri did an experiment. He saw in his backyard, which was his experimental stage to study beetles and bugs, a beetle rolling its dung ball.

After reaching its destination, just when it was about to bury its ball in the ground, Jean-Henri struck a metal pin through the ball and anchored it into the ground to make it unmovable by the beetle.

The beetle kept pushing.

It tried its best from all sides—top, bottom and sides. It even dug underneath to get at it, using all parts of its body to move the ball.

Having failed to do so, it allowed even the thief friend, who had come to steal away its dung ball, to come and push it, as if checking, let us see whether both of us can move it or not.

But then, finding that it was having no effect, it chased the thief away again.

Finally, when the owner beetle realized that the ball could not be moved, it chewed it up again to make a new dung ball and spent hours on it.

So that is the spirit of being possessive about one's booty.

At so many levels, we humans are just repeating the same thing, only on a larger scale. These basic characteristics that we come across in humans seem to be written into the code of existence, and we are just mere, poor, instinctively drawn followers on the path, almost helpless in doing so.

The other experiment that Jean-Henri did was about the cicadas.

The summer air of southern France would leave the entire area buzzing with cicadas, raising such a high-pitched ruckus. People thought that possibly these were mating calls or some sort of communication.

But Jean-Henri had other thoughts.

He arranged a festive cannon, of the type used for blasting on festive occasions, and set it up under a tree in his backyard.

The tree was almost shaking with the high-pitched sound made by hundreds of cicadas. It was such a big vibrational commotion that it would even drill a hole in your mind. It was so strong.

So he blasted the cannon.

The thunder was so loud that his hat fell off his head. It was such a loud bang that even the panes in his windows shook with the effect.

But much to his surprise, the cicadas did not stop buzzing even for a fraction of a second.

They went on with the same high-pitched ease as earlier.

So now it turned out that cicadas could not possibly hear their own noise. They were deaf.

And that makes them a very noisy little bug, because you have such high-pitched intensity and force to make a loud noise, and at the same time, you cannot hear either your own or others' noise.

So that possibly sums up their excitement in making the air so noisy during the musty, hot days.

Post script: And mother existence provides me a live demo of Jean-Henri's experiment. A stray monkey caterpillar, beating its lonely path away from collective security, happens to get onto the rim of a plastic bucket. Now, this, according to me, is quite incidental. Had it gone some linear or curving or serpentine way, I mean anything short of a circular one, it would have at least moved ahead, searching for some chemical trail of a fellow caterpillar, seeking a chance to arrive some leafy shelter even after taking a long cut. At least there was a probability of it reaching some bush or plant if it was lucky not to be squashed under human feet or turned into a hairy uneatable protein ball some over-curious babbler. But it happens to be unlucky to be on a perfect circle. The rim seems inviting, a clear path, an enticing loop. And since they have this natural trait of leaving their pheromones in their wake, it gets into a vicious circle of circular chemical trail. Then its own trail seems like left by some other caterpillar's and there it goes on and one, caught in the vicious circle of its own traits, tendency. It's so difficult to break the futile loop of inherent tendencies and collective identities. And here lies a great lesson for we humans as well. We have to break the loop if we really want to grow and evolve. We have to seek our own path, however lengthy, haphazard, random it seems to be. It should at least not close into a loop. Because in that case you end up reaching from where you had started. 




I saw it at night and the poor thing looked tired the next morning after the nightlong procession on its circular path, going after its own scent. So I picked it up on a leaf and left it among food and safety among plants. So maybe luck too plays a massive part in where we land up, as big as chance. But then luck is nothing but a positive chance. 

Diary 2011 - A farewell letter that was never used

It is never an end. There is always a new beginning.

It is simply human to feel a bit sad and emotional at moments like saying a farewell bye to your workplace and colleagues. After all, they become a part of your life. So just have a full feel of this softly pining emotion. Believe me, it readies you and all those you care about for better things in life.

We cared, shared, criticized, quarreled, and even went out of our professional ways to show our personal whims, fancies, and true personal characteristics. Such little things fill up the canvas of our life.

When I came here, I was just an inexperienced small-town girl. This last one and a half years of my life I have spent with this content provider firm in Noida. I learned very nice things about my profession, met interesting people, and felt the sad moments when some colleagues went out to start another chapter in life. I also experienced the joy when freshers and experienced ones joined the group.

And now, when the time comes to say a sad farewell to all of you, it definitely steals out the purest of emotions.

Now I go out to start another chapter in my life, in my professional career. But that does not mean this one will become irrelevant. Life is a book; without the past chapters, it is incomplete.

These beautiful moments, these testing circumstances, these enriching and sometimes frustrating situations leave a permanent and ever-alive imprint on the book of my memories. I carry it as my proudest possession along with me.

I came here as an inexperienced, eager, dreamy-eyed girl with my tiny book of life. Thanks to you all, a very interesting and fruitful chapter has been added to my book of life. I am a mature girl now. Thanks to your company, guidance, and the experiences I shared with you, my book has become more interesting.

My book has another interesting chapter of mistakes, struggles, professional etiquettes, friendship, and many more things. I hope I leave behind a positive mark in your life chapter as well.

No book can stand on its own, alone. We have to keep each other. We have to help each other in writing successful chapters for ourselves.

Thank you all, including all those who have already left, for giving me this sweet and precious pain and for being with me during this journey. Alone, it would not have been possible for me to go through these testing times.

Now I feel bold and experienced enough to go for the next destination.

I wish you all good luck in successfully completing this part of your journey as well. I hope many of the characters from the present chapter will not become just memories of the past for us. We'll stay in touch and become interesting parts of my next chapter in life as well.

Thanks to all—from the top boss to the management, different departments, and facility providers.

Thanks, my dear company, for helping me in writing this proud and happy chapter in my life.

Remember, it is never over. Pure emotions are immortal. Beautiful moments, preserved by those sweet memories, continue to sweetly vibrate long, long after we turn to ashes.

Best of luck and sweetest of times to you all.


This is the farewell letter I had written because a girl colleague of mine who was leaving the company asked me to help her draft a farewell letter. Another matter that she herself, being a content writer, did not find it worth using!

So it has stayed in my notebook unused, and I just reproduce it here.

Notes from an old diary - Flowing with Ma Ganga

There has been an endless stream of pilgrimages, just like you have the endless stream going on and on.

Poor people pawn their happiness into future births in lieu of all the drudgery for the crumbs of survival. To beat the tidings of the present times, they have to absolve themselves of all the past and current sins. So they throng Mother Ganga's lap in multitudes.

Very poor people, consumed by worries, like the stunted, beaten vegetation of an arid climate. They have greenery in their dreams, which lies either in the next birth or in their progeny down the line, at least a couple of generations further into the future.

They move as a group, like a flock of sheep bunched together, trying to muster up collective courage, asserting their dusty identity. It is a rare outing, but they don't have the independent spirit. They lack free will. They have been chained too hard and have forgotten the swag of life.

Their smiles are restrained, but they know Mother Ganga will not discriminate between rich and poor.

And witnessing all this, feeling their collective pain, sitting among sadhus, instantly I feel better. It reaffirms my faith, my beliefs and the values that have lost their sheen over the years due to the tough situations I have faced.

But while you are sitting here with the sadhus, you very well know that they have renounced more than they have taken from Mother Earth. In totality, they are the givers. They are the flag-bearers of faith.

They make you realize that it is possible to be happy without sitting on a mound of possessions and worldly competence. Beyond the realm of possessions, quite passively, they have little permanent reservoirs from where they take tiny sips of solace and meaning in life.

They are the ones who have at least realized the futility of the chase, because the chase never ends. It persists forever. It goes on and on.

So they have kicked the bullshit idea of being in the hot pursuit of success, name, fame and material possessions.

Sitting with them, you absorb the fragrance of their rest, repose and poise.

It is a healing touch. It puts balm on your bruises. That, I think, is a real blessing, nothing short of a miracle.

And there are so many Western people who visit Rishikesh. I look at them with curiosity. What are they seeking so far away from home?

But then I think Western society seems to have gone too deep into the recesses of impersonalized caverns, almost too mechanized and lacking the personal touch.

And in the same vein, I see this woman, a white woman. She is a very pretty white lady.

There is this German bakery at the end of Lakshman Jhula, and she is sitting down the slope. The bakery's glass-fronted panels show many other tourists, including foreigners, having their breakfast.

This woman is sitting on a bench. A stray dog is lying in her lap. She is absorbed in caressing it around its ears.

Indians look at her more hungrily than any other skinny stray dog around.

She has a disarming smile. She has come across someone whom she loves—this stray dog—and who, in turn, loves her without any conditions, without any pursuits and feelings of ownership and possessiveness.

A lot of thirsty eyes cast fleeting, pining glances at her.

The holy river moves quietly on its mission of purifying, of absolving guilty consciences of real and imaginary sins.

It bears the imprint of the universe, known times, and beats down fire and water, mixing them into ecstatic fluidity. The ripples on her face are countless flowing stars. The Mother River has the flowing expansion of stars and light in its veins.

It has been flowing for thousands of years.

I just move on, looking at all this beautiful happening that is flowing with the flow of Mother River, and come across this stone bench, unoccupied at a relatively uncrowded place.

Sitting on this bench, surrounded by luscious green, huge, majestic mango trees, absorbed in the feeling of awe for Mother Nature and its bounties, I feel a bit guilty that everything apart from human beings in nature gives back to it in some form for taking its sustenance.

I reflect over how we just plunder not only our share, but the collective share of all other species of flora and fauna, giving back environmental degradation, pollution and chaos in our effort to add to our share of comforts and conveniences.

We have inevitably let loose irreversible damage to the beautiful, self-evolving, counterbalancing forces of Mother Nature.

A small cow arrives and starts rubbing its muzzle against me with full and unconditional love.

One just can't say no to such unconditional love.

I take out my sole banana from my bag and offer my share of love. The little cattle has it.

Then it wants more, and it becomes pushy. It won't go away. It rubs its muzzle on my pants, licks my hands, pulls at my bag.

I am forced to move.

I am forced to stand up and start moving again.

Life is only about moving.

*****

She challenged herself to the farthest limits of her fears and came all the way from Japan to marry a man from Bihar, just like any other poverty-stricken figure running a tea stall at Rishikesh.

She challenged herself to love unconditionally, absolutely in avoidance of any expectations and security. No demands, just the pure bliss of giving.

She has a pretty round face, puts a bindi on her forehead, and wears a peacock-blue saree with a gold-embroidered blouse. She has taken up the role of a traditional Indian wife. She picks up empty plates and glasses, washes them, cleans them, arranges chairs, and reads a book in between while her husband and his mother run the tea stall.

And the visitors find her such a curious and strange figure in this poor setting, like a piece of gold in the dust.

It is a ramshackle, thatched establishment by the street running down almost to the end of the bathing ghats by Mother Ganga. A path by its side leads to the swift currents of Mother Ganga. Here you have some chairs and stools, just at the turning of the path that leads to the river. Sadhus, foreigners and pilgrims sit down for tea and cigarettes.

She moves around with petite delicacy, the symbolism of her work larger than the rises around to the north.

And I sit here sipping tea and watching her with curiosity because she seems to be such an interesting subject for building a story for a person who has a writer's observation about life and living.

Nearby is a Canadian, and I have seen him taking tea earlier as well. The Canadian is a handsome man around fifty years of age and looks impressive with his baritone voice, holding a tea glass in one hand and caressing the street dog with the other. He looks almost in tune with the unconditional streams of love that fill up the place.

He has spent much time all over India. It has turned him into a staunch Indophile, I think.

I hear him say:

"I love samosa. Any day it is better than a burger. The corporates are destroying native cultures back home in Canada. We travel thousands of kilometres, and still one will have the same food, same dress, same language, weather and culture—a monotony, so boring. So why should I move around at all there in my country?

"I come to India because every step takes me to a new experience. It is quite interesting."

He is addressing one particular person with whom he is in conversation, but he looks at the rest of us as if he is giving all of us, this audience, his thoughts.

I hear him further say:

"Allopathy is good for surgery and trauma. In other cases, it destroys your system. I prefer Ayurveda any day. But the corporate-driven cultural onslaught is so powerful that in the next two decades, entire India will be the same boring Western caricature. Then I will be able to hang my travelling boots and rest at home. No more adventures."

Now I reflect over this.

I think, just for his exotic chaos, which his spirit hankers after with such expectancy, how can we Indians ignore our poverty and struggle, which make countries like India interesting to international tourists? Can we just keep ourselves full of poverty so that they can enjoy the vast range of experiences and differences here?

It is stamped. India, just like any other country, is also stamped to come out of the yoke of poverty. Things are bound to change.

Corporations understand this desperation at the mass level. They throw baits of ambition, hopes and aspirations.

The universe is being pulled by a massive ambition, in fact.

This ambition can survive with a huge mass of unfulfilled dreams at the base. It cannot afford to have too many success stories because then, with everyone a winner, who will labour in the mundane manual activities?

The pyramid has to have a huge base of layers. The pyramid has to have a huge base of losers, frustrated people at the base.

But that doesn't mean the losers will stop fighting. They will continue waging wars. The corporates will keep their futile hopes alive. Some will jump out of the boiling cauldron, but these are generational changes in a lineage.

For one winner, there will be at least a hundred losers.

That seems to be the law.

*****

As I sit here on the bench by the side of a makeshift tea stall overlooking the swift flow of Mother Ganga, there is an itchy man that I look at. He is a short, fiery, slightly built young man with a razor-sharp, rolling tongue. The tongue stings with acerbic pieces of truth, laced with lots of cuss words.

He was born on the premises of a famous ashram. His father works at the resident hospital.

And here are his monologues.

Others are just listening to him, taken in more by his enthusiasm in speaking negatively rather than by the content itself.

The prickly man is saying:

"All this is the same show. These are fake babas. It is basically business, money, only money. Fuck it. What religion? They are just after money.

"To have a room here, you have to be either a foreigner, or have a gorgeous girl around your arm, or donate in lakhs. Then you will get a room to stay whenever you come here. The room will be available for you. But if you don't have any of this, they will say there are no rooms available. And still they talk of religion and all this godly talk.

"This man, the one who controls the ashram, the head, the chief baba, he grabbed the property. It is property to him. There are rumours that the previous swami was poisoned. The scandal should be busted.

"This chief baba is surrounded by 15–20 women who have shamelessly left their husbands and now are enjoying their time here. They are all part of a big political game. This baba has a rich family in Punjab. His children stay in a city in Punjab.

"He has grabbed all the land from here, from the banks of Ganga Ma to the hills on the other side. India is poor because half the land has been grabbed by fake babas. If the government takes it back, most of our problems will vanish.

"Do you know who the real babas are? They are the ones who survive in the streets, who beg, who stay on the road, eat, bathe and lie in the open, who have surrendered every right to make this life comfortable.

"All the big names in ashrams are businessmen, seekers of popularity, and facilitators of politicians. The babas don't leave a chance to sleep with a woman.

"Yoga has been glamorized, but believe me, it is like any other product or service. I have seen it with my own eyes. All these big buildings with their shine are hollow inside.

"There are middlemen, dalals, to manipulate things. It is an institution like any other. There are intrigues, strategies, fakery, lies, deceit. Everything is used to sell the services, grab political patronage.

"Now the babas are thriving. Congress used to spank them on their bums. Now they will thrive for a long time."

The guy seems to go on and on and on, and this much cynicism, this mammoth cynicism in his frail body, makes me feel pity for him.

I feel like putting my hand on his shoulder to give him some peace. He seems terribly restless, itching with restlessness. I think he is not happy at all with life.

I am sure he will not be able to live long with this type of electric sparks continuously going on. How long can a sparking wire survive?

I just pray to Ganga Ma that she blesses him with peace, that every time he bathes in her holy waters, he gets more restfulness, becomes peaceful, and joy finally touches his life.

This is what I pray.

His angry sparklings have been so effective as to destroy my entire day. The impression has been too much, and as I walk on the holy banks of Mother River, I can't help but pray for his itchy soul because he, after all, is just like any other son of Ma Ganga, like the rest of us.

And I know there are so many beautifully souled babas here.

Yes, there are fake babas who are into it just for the career of it, to survive. But for that, we cannot ignore the bigger reality of there being genuine seekers of the soul who are praying for world peace and who are staying here on the banks of Ganga Ma—in ashrams, in the open as well, and in dharamshalas.

There are so many lovely souls who are evolving into beautiful lives for themselves as well as for the greater humanity.

*****


Thursday, September 17, 2026

Winter in the Doon: Of Poverty, Memory and the Wounds of History

 Yamuna Mai: A Mother Abandoned by Her Children

November 19, 2005

It is a very sad sight that I see in front of me: the famished, polluted, almost wounded Yamuna—the famed Yamuna Mai of mythology.

Sadly, Yamuna seems to live only in myths and fables, or on the geographical map of India. It is now a broad, undulating, piteously grey-white dust track, a finger track drawn by some strong mythical finger. No water, except during the monsoons.

The reasons seem to be starving glaciers, decreasing rainfall and the increasing heights of check dams. The only addition seems to be the ever-increasing sewage waste containing all the dirty stuff of urbanization and human habitation, which empties into the holy river.

So the pristine glacial sources of pure water are giving way to industrial wastes and the sewage drains of habitations, carrying the dirtiest things and matter.

Across much of the once-holy river's stretch, it gives the sense of a slightly desert-like landscape. Then, by the sides of the cities that it blesses with its vicinity, the story is different. These cities were once blessed by its holy touch. Just by being in its vicinity, they prospered, survived and were sustained by the holy flow of Mother River.

Now it is an all-encompassing filthy drain, a big drain, a huge blackish nullah between Haryana and Uttar Pradesh.

It serves one more purpose: it defines the boundary between the two states.

Floodwaters surge during the monsoon, with flash floods silting the bed. Sand mines line its gleaming flow, bearing the sand-pitted scars of our consumer interests and ever-increasing greed, without caring about environmental regulations, the sanctity of the holy river, or mining rules.

Illegal sand mining is wreaking havoc on the banks of Mother River.

If one looks into the misty-grey, sinuous stretch of the almost dried-out river, it appears that the once-holy river has been vandalized, plundered and looted by her own children.

She looks now like an old mother, abandoned, her children grown up and fighting for other interests, without caring for her.

As every year its floodwaters reach lower and lower levels, farmers occupy the land left behind by the drying river and make temporary fields overlooking the gleaming grey-white sands. These fields at least provide an embankment of greenness to the mythical river.

The bridge over the Panipat–Shamli Road now looks redundant, almost unnecessary and a waste of resources during most parts of the season, because the river looks so thin and shallow that you could easily cross over, if not for the dark, muddy water, which somehow seems daunting enough that you do not want to step into it to reach the Uttar Pradesh side of the bridge.

A few temples built above the highest watermark of the river's past, high, gurgling levels now stand as if on a hilltop.

From there, steps lead down towards the dirtied stream bed below—to two dark, dust-laden and dirt-laden, filthy puddles of water in which buffaloes wallow and defecate, and some devotees take ceremonial baths in honour of Yamuna Mai.

That is what remains of the once-famed and majestically furious river.

And as I walk on the sand, avoiding the pits dug by illegal mining, and look at the muddy, dark, thin stretch of the once-majestic river, it presents a very sad sight.

I know things do change with time, but looking at such drastic changes seems very scary, because these holy watercourses have been our lifelines, the carriers of our civilization. Their degradation now seems symbolic of how things have gone wrong—the extent and intensity of our greed-driven, unsustainable models of development.

Will things change?

Can we stall this free fall into the dark pit of degradation?

That is the question.

****

November 25, 2005

The Saharanpur–Dehradun Road takes a slight bit of labour in unfolding itself in the lap of these little, little wooded, bumpy elevations at the base of the Himalayas, the Terai area, beautifully unfolding into the Shivalik Hills.

Rajaji National Park is lugubriously spread out with trees of sal in this area.

From the road, the dry, pebbled bed of the Markanda River is sunlit now and then.

Towards the side of the plains, the park surrenders dolefully with its stunted, scattered canopy, dominated by plentiful underbrush.

There are dusty stretches of road where sand and soot fly. The leaves loom around with ghostly greyness because of the dust which gets deposited upon them.

This is the gift of the ever-increasing traffic to the oxygen providers, which stand obediently by the side of the path.

The dusty leaves appear lifeless, suffering a stony, ghostly greyness, and the leaves look almost man-made in this avatar. They get a new coat of ash or dust as the vehicles trundle ahead for bigger motives, pleasures and enterprises in the Doon Valley and beyond.

Rounded, pounded stones in the Markanda bed gleam in some sunlit corner of the broad-leaved grove.

These are the playthings of the river during its monsoonal maidenhood.

You find goats, buffaloes and cattle grazing here and there from the road, using the reasonably wooded slopes.

No signs of animal life.

Maybe there are a few animals far inside the park, beyond our peeking, craning look into the chambers of flora placed on the precipice.

The area now boasts of its woods and greenery, but within a short time it will perhaps pride itself on more commercial things, set up at the altar of nature, as seems inevitable from the developing Doon Valley after the creation of the new state of Uttarakhand.

I am travelling on this road to visit my bachelor uncle, who runs an academy in Dehradun, a coaching institute for IIT-JEE and medical entrance examinations, some of the toughest examinations in the country. He is an expert mathematician.

They are a group of physics, chemistry, mathematics and biology teachers who are making doctors and engineers.

They work very hard.

So apart from making good careers for themselves, they are making good money as well, because it is a very lucrative business and their hard work has paid off now.

Though for Uncle it has come during the later phase of his life, after fifty, his journey has been very tough, and I am happy that they are economically on a sound footing now.

They stay in a very nice house setup in a beautiful corner of the Doon Valley, a green wooded bowl where you can see the greenery of the Himalayan foothills, and at night you see the lights of Mussoorie high on the hills just opposite.

Now, staying with Uncle in this big house on Johri Road, a bit down the lane from Rajpur Road in Dehradun, allows me plenty of opportunity to give free leeway to my wanderlust spirit.

I just start walking into the wooded undulations towards the inner side, coming across little hamlets and villages, and enjoy the slow-paced life.

And moreover, I just share his loneliness here.

The house is big.

Its story goes back to 1995, when he arrived in the Doon Valley with his trusted friends: N. P. Singh, a chemistry teacher; Dwivedi, who taught biology; V. P. Singh; and Ashok Singh, who taught physics.

Ashok Singh can be taken almost as a foster son of my uncle, his protégé whom he has nurtured over the years.

For ten years they made a lot of money.

It was a house bubbling with all the domestic charms that you can imagine.

Uncle even got Ashok Singh married to a reputed judge's daughter, a very nice lady, and both of them looked up to my uncle almost as their real father and really respected him.

But I don't know the exact reasons.

Things fell apart after ten years.

Now the house is empty.

All the partners have parted ways after a successful innings.

Happiness is so short-lived.

And Uncle is staying alone now.

My uncle is reputed for his mastery over mathematics. He has honed his skills over the years. Under his cool, calculating mathematical banner, the academy named Doon Ace hit the scores and immediately took to the sea of money within a short period.

The group worked almost like unselfish brothers, working in tandem for nurturing the family institution.

The institution made a big name in the valley and became a premier coaching institute for medical and engineering entrance examinations.

Every year dozens of students would crack the elite competitions.

And it being very lucrative, the group became quite rich.

A lot of money came within a very short span of time.

And when there is money, you can understand that the softer side of life gets pushed away. Relationships get tested, and beautiful emotions for each other become very difficult to sustain, because too much money can create brick walls around relationships.

A wall with its windows and apertures, which are used to communicate on purpose only.

The free flow comes to an end.

The natural, free flow of communication among the members is stalled.

Well, about that sometime later.

First, a glimpse of those happy, swiftly gone, cosy days.

At various stages of their lives and careers, they needed each other in many ways. That reined in the normal human passions of ego, jealousy and selfishness.

So the horse of relationships was firmly on the track.

Cars, houses, wads of notes, the best facilities and acclaim arrived at full throttle.

And I think my uncle, given his talent and skill in mathematics, almost touching the margins of genius, really deserved it.

He suffered a lot in his life, and now, in the second half of his life, if money comes and he can enjoy his life on his own terms, that is quite commendable.

This house, in a coldly secluded room of which I am writing these sulking lines now, during those days boasted a houseful of lives—a beautiful cage of freedom, cackling with the cherished, sweetest moments.

Dwivedi and Uncle built two blocks that looked like a single one from the front façade, shiny, costly and luxurious as per the latest architectural fashion trends.

So this big house had Dwivedi, his parents, his wife, who was not keeping well, and two brook-like, gurgling girl kids, Ridhi and Siddhi.

In the other block stayed the ringleader of this happy show, the mathematical wizard.

Sharing the floor with him was his protégé, Mr. Ashok, and his most decent and humble wife, Priyanka.

Downstairs, visitors were never short of occupying the rooms.

The chief maid of the house, Manju, and her brood filled the servants' quarters, but they were still more like part of this big family.

Chow, the pampered big cat, which had grown almost like a leopard cat, rolled in the bedsheets, a majestic creature.

And a pair of Labradors, Dice and Jenna, barked in the compound.

Perhaps there was not a single moment during the working hours when some human voice wasn't heard in some part of this big house.

But then more money came.

It showered, in fact.

A rain of money.

More and more students.

Higher and higher fees.

More and more untouched money.

More and more successful stories of engineers and doctors who wrote bright lines of achievement in foreign lands, in Western countries.

So the money, the excess money, had to be put to good use.

Business-like machinations started.

Plans were formed.

Money never comes without its strangleholds.

Some investments brought still fatter rewards of money, and that sent jubilations through the house.

But then things are bound to recoil as well, because that is how the world of money works.

This new catalyst in the chemistry of the friendly group running the academy acted like acid rain.

Fast and furiously, it ate away at the cementing agents of need, respect, reciprocity and many things alike.

Then everything fell away.

Dwivedi was gone with his newlywed young wife. His first wife, who had not been keeping well, had expired. To look after his little daughters, he married his deceased wife's young sister.

He sold his part of the house.

Later, some new businessmen were brought in.

It is a fractured house now.

Another unit belongs to a total stranger, a businessman.

Even Ashok, whom I had always looked upon almost as the adopted son of my uncle, his foster son, went away.

N. P. Singh no longer needed to bear the monopolistic tantrums of Uncleji, because his IITian daughter was earning more money on foreign shores than perhaps all of them together.

So he too acquired some attitude, and there was friction.

And in his majesty, his independent spirit, Uncle would have no acceptance of that.

His massive input of stone, bricks and cement proved to be a castle of cards.

Gone with the whiff of changing winds.

The house stands as loftily as earlier to the eyes of strangers.

But I know that the real house, the lively house, is dead.

It is just a remnant, a stony, dead leftover in which Uncle passes his days all alone.

Some housemaid from the pale old times, whose life he had once helped by getting her married, now comes once a day to cook the meal.

I also help him in the kitchen.

And sitting on two chairs, we eat dinner in the kitchen itself, sharing anecdotes from village life.

The dining table, which used to be abuzz with the clatter and clamour of utensils, table talk, dishes, tongues and cuisines, lies vacant.

Some unused kitchen items are piled upon it.

Occasionally, the silently suffering eeriness is broken momentarily by our tittering reminiscences of Uncle's village life in childhood.

****

December 2005

Sometimes you really deserve, given the amount of invisible, silent labour—which in most cases is left unsung by those around you—that you have put into your schemes and plans.

You have been digging for so long, working silently over the years. But sometimes God, as well as those who are meant to help you in realizing your dreams, delay your harvest almost till eternity.

I just feel the same.

The way I have been, I know that I never had the genius and brilliance to make huge ripples around, but then I don't deserve to be in the position I have been put into.

Even in the lowest forms of life, an insect slithers to safety in the face of danger, adapts and nurtures itself. The mere speck, almost invisible, almost the background of a larger canvas, is mammothly Herculean, in fact. So even against the backdrop of something so big, against the backdrop of such a large canvas, the slightest insect crawls and adapts to ensure its safety and propagation.

I have no such negative, anti-holistic tendencies to go against such evolution-defining instincts of self-preservation.

Perhaps sometimes the particular way in which you wish to survive becomes a virtual affront to the general realities around you, and you end up as a failure.

Perhaps my mistake has been that I have aspired to survive in some obsolete, too-human way.

Yet a fall is a fall.

It is taken as disgraceful.

And fall here means facing a string of losses and defeats and not being able to achieve success the way people have been expecting.

People just love to laugh at it.

It just doesn't matter to them whether you fall after a brilliant run, or you just stumble inadvertently after a casual stroll, or your physical self gives way after that breakneck toil and boil on the stony path, your foot soles lacerated by the razor-sharp stones.

A fall is just a fall to the people.

It is a great leveller, just like death.

It just eats away the sweet juices flowing through the shoots and saplings of endeavour and hard work before that chaotic moment.

And those who fall repeatedly, like me, become the laughing stock of those who somehow manage to trundle ahead with the least number of falls.

They forget that they have probably been lucky in achieving more in lieu of lesser hard work.

Every time one stumbles, scores of advice, admonitions and criticisms storm his ears with stormy echoes and fury.

In the face of such bombardment, I no longer try to rise.

I just roll over to my destination.

Perhaps they will get used to it.

Get used to seeing this mud-smeared, dusted, tattered figure moving on ahead as per his own unconventional and oft-convictions about success and failure in life.

I hope they don't find it too particularly disgraceful, this perpetually rolling fool of mine, as a seeker not accepting the conventional mould of success, as people expect me to.

I have been trying to find my own truth instead of the collective dollops, collective toffees and chocolates of truth, which are convenient, which are handed over to the kids so that they can enjoy and get into a sort of hallucination and not see the larger realities.

Perhaps they won't condemn me as a failure for all, and after holding me responsible for some social evil, won't throw stones at me, because that's what they have been doing to the sages and prophets of the past.

Thank God, this perhaps is one of the few things I have to be thanking Him for.

Till now, stones have been hurled only through words.

Perhaps God will be kind enough to save me from the real ones, because He has already bombarded me with invisible pebbles, boulders and stones.

But then my uncle has big ones to hit me with, and perhaps rightly so.

I am almost thirty, don't earn a penny, ask for my pocket money like a kid from my parents, and this cringes my uncle's soul.

But he should understand that I am trying to come out of having crossed the rough and tough and fiery sea of the civil services examination, where I reached the pinnacle, the interview stage, so many times and finally got even selected to Haryana PCS, only to be denied appointment by the new government, the Congress government led by Bhupender Singh Hooda.

So these are recent wounds and bruises which I carry.

I am like a wounded soldier who had dedicated seven years of his prime, just after graduation, straight away, and almost tasted success, only to be thwarted at the last step into the elite corners of power and influence.

So people do forget your struggle if you don't have the result to produce.

The invisible labour remains unacknowledged and unseen.

My uncle, too, has a long story of mistakes and lost opportunities, avoidable sufferings, and doesn't want the same chapter repeated again.

So probably that seems to be his main reason for criticizing me, giving me advice.

As per him, I have already lost a ten-year start.

Even if I succeed, it is going to be belated.

He says there is a proper way and time for things.

If you earn money, get a wife, get status in the prime of life, only then success counts. Otherwise it doesn't.

It then becomes a too-big fruit which the old jaws cannot chew and the stomach cannot digest.

He further says, if you are not earning for your belly, then are you even fit to be called a human being?

In this way, I just swallow big sips of insult.

Yet, given all these mathematically driven, cold, hard, merciless generalizations and facts of life, I have to respect him.

I can't help it.

Respect him for his sufferings.

Perhaps we can't love the whole of a person, for nobody is perfect, but we ought to love all for some good portion of themselves.

He has this big, mammoth portion of suffering, benevolence and charitable spirit that he almost deserves to throw monopolistic tantrums about life, as if they are irreplaceable laws of the subject he has mastered over the years.

For isn't it a fact that, driven by the same unsparing, unflinching laws, he has produced thousands of doctors and engineers, and that too during those years when his left foot has been afflicted with a non-healing, constantly painful scar due to an injury twenty years back?

No stream of medicines has been successful in healing the scar around the upper ankle.

He himself sums it up as gangrene, septic, varicose ulcer, saying, “All these combined together have come to stall my journey.”

He says, “This is the first of its type, and I will find a cure for it.”

Presently, it has aggravated quite a lot.

Pus oozes from a few boils around the old nemesis.

The surrounding skin, right up to the calf muscles, has turned purple.

He can't walk much now, so stays in the big house looking out for some full-time servant family who will take care of the building in lieu of the fare.

So there is no disgrace in bearing the desperate and tired tantrums of a suffering good man who certainly estimates me high, and it pains him to see that I slog out impractically, futilely, in books and writing.

Literature, he thinks, makes you idle, impractical, cynical and argumentative, and he constantly buzzes in my ears, asking me to come out of this futile, hallucinating world, to come out into the real world of dal and roti.

Certainly, at such times it gives me a lot of pain to be misunderstood by this basically good human being who has throughout his life been a very kind soul.

He has been a giver all the way, right from giving his knowledge and expertise in mathematics to the money that he gives to anybody he comes across who is in need.

He has been a thorough giver, all in and out.

****

Wintertime Anecdotes from the Days I Spent with My Bachelor, Lonely Uncle in Dehradun

As Rajpur Road takes its broad, tree-lined, spacious journey to the north, a new journey of a new path starts at Jakhan, by the Scholars Home, which is a reputed public school, just across the road from the turning to Jakhan.

This new path to the west dips into a cool little dale at the foot of a little wooded ridge running northwest to southwest. On the brow of this wooded ridge sits Johri village, and above this sal-covered, forested ridge looms Mussoorie Hill, which gleams dreamily, bluishly, hazily under the rising sun.

Well, coming to the start of Johri Road, the start is marked by a steep descent between stone-paved high slopes with houses built on top. As you enter this sensuously curving tarred road, cold air strikes you with a welcoming hand.

There are rich houses by the road, poor ones set back from the main road.

Just at the point where the road takes a steep rise to enter the ridge forest, there is a sprawling wedding point. Since it is the start of the wedding season, floodgates of light, song, music, drums and trumpets have been opened during the nights.

My uncle's grand house is situated in the same area, but my sympathies lie with a poor creature which spends its nights in a makeshift tarpaulin shed by the road, a few dozen metres down the path from the start.

It is a slight-built bull.

It pulls its wooden cart during the day and spends the chilly nights in the flimsy shelter, which has enough little openings for the naughty, haggling, icy-cold night to torment it with its freezing wind.

The uneven, dung-, husk- and whisk-laden floor inside; the wooden cart parked by the side at a distance; its little manure heap; and its poor master at some poor place where he also spends the nights with it—I am not sure.

Is all that means a world to this poor creature?

It must be feeling dead afraid while the jangling wedding caravans pass up and down the road during the chilly nights.

When in a better mood and good humour, Uncleji shares important happenings and milestones from his life.

Like he tells me that he took part in a few uprisings in the local Jat history in Sonipat.

One he calls Kanjhawala Kand, which occurred on August 13, 1978.

Morarji Desai's government was at the Centre. The government announced the takeover of panchayat land in Kanjhawala to be distributed among the Harijans. The Jats, who cling to their lands like monkeys to their mothers, revolted.

Though the High Court ruled in their favour, some misunderstandings persisted.

A Jat delegation met the Prime Minister at his residence, while about 10,000 stood outside on Teen Murti Road. Inside, the humble Prime Minister gave all conciliatory gestures, but one lame man, called Langda in local parlance, from Bawana, walked out of the meeting and yelled to the crowd that their demands had been rejected summarily.

Within a few minutes, the Jats and farmers did what they are known for.

Every hand was wielding wood. Like casual, prancing monkeys, they had a go at the tree-lined Teen Murti Avenue. They tore away at the trees to grab any type of branch, wood or trunk to strike at anything coming their way.

Poor trees bore a ghastly autumnal look, with the difference that, in addition to the leaves and bugs, branches and even trunks were gone.

Then they moved ahead to vandalize each and everything.

A force of 25,000 Delhi Police and paramilitary was pitted against them. They dropped wet chadars over the smoking tear-gas shells and hurled them back at the law keepers.

Pavement stones were torn from the road to retrieve throwable projectiles.

By evening, Delhi bore the look of a vandalized and scourged city.

On August 15, an almost tearful Prime Minister announced from the Red Fort ramparts that these were well-planned, systematically carried-out riots by trained manpower. He took a political dig at the Jat leader and rival Chaudhary Charan Singh.

So Uncle was a first-hand participant and witness to all this chaos and disorder that unfolded on August 13, 1978, in Delhi.

Then he tells me about Auchandi Kand.

Due to forced vasectomy operations during the Emergency, the much-maligned Sanjay Gandhi's population-check juggernaut was on the prowl.

The faculty to procreate is considered the all-pervading, most important, life-sustaining force by farming Jats. So there was much anger among the group, rather the community.

In the early morning, it happened that a brother and sister were on their way to the fields to get fodder for the buffaloes and cattle. The mobile operation unit, shielded by a police vehicle, stopped them and treated them as husband and wife.

They forcibly dragged away the brother to the operation table.

His sister and an old lady attacked the kidnappers. In fact, the old lady struck a policeman with such force that he died. The sister and brother attacked them with a grass-cutting scythe.

The news spread by late morning to the villages in Sonipat.

Thousands gathered at Auchandi.

The ladies from the host village prepared food, like an army commissariat.

By the third day, about two lakh people had gathered around Delhi. So the national capital feared an all-wiping attack by the seething mob.

The leaders rushed to the spot to save their imperilled class. They put their headgears, their pagdis, at the feet of mob leaders, clan leaders, khap pradhans and other elders, and mimicked and pleaded and persuaded them to disperse the gathering.

Once the gathering had been dispersed, angry thousands from Punjab arrived at the spot a day later. They were much displeased over the success of the politicians in quelling a mass movement through their smartness.

So here, in this episode, Uncle was a first-hand participant.

He was there, yelling and shouting with the crowd.

So he told me with much glee.

While I am staying here, giving some company to my lonely uncle when he is not passing through a good phase in his social life, I roam around.

I prefer to walk on foot in Dehradun, on Rajpur Road and in the wooded hamlets that I come across on Johri Road.

Now, Paltan Bazaar.

It is near the Tehsil. It is the most important market here, a sort of central business district. Marketing and enterprise of Dehradun throb pulsatingly here.

Days are quite sunny during winters in the Doon Valley.

In the bright sunshine, shoppers just flock to the area. The shop-lined streets are of moderate width, but the way people throng the shopping alleys makes it appear busy like a beehive: clothes, vegetables, groceries, stores after stores, an excited crowd of shoppers.

There is Natraj Publishers and Distributors, a reputed book depot. It is opposite Gandhi Park on Rajpur Road. Foreigners visiting the Doon Valley can be spotted here.

EBD, English Book Depot, is another popular joint for fun, books and get-togethers. Its glass-fronted entrance hall boasts of a Barista coffee joint. Books are available at the back.

Gandhi Park stands out with its green gate, welcoming with the message of peace and greenery.

Now Dehradun has started to adopt the typical urban style.

Couples can be spotted spending some good time here without being harassed. But there are more single, frustrated males who ogle at the lucky ones with envy.

There is the cement statue of Netaji Subhash Chandra Bose in the park.

Then there is Sai Mandir and a Tibetan monastery about two kilometres from Rajpur towards the Doon side on Rajpur Road.

One day I went to Rajpur.

Rajpur.

It was worth any trouble which I might have felt in any way.

The road straightaway leads to an inverted U formed by wooded Shivalik ridges, and in this inverted U is situated this township, more of a large village, with its quaint hilly air.

Life moves peacefully.

Dhakpatti.

Dhakpatti is the main starting avenue as the road takes a pleasant and fatigued ascension towards the high ridge to the north, which stands like a mother over this semi-urban, semi-rural settlement.

The avenue is not crowded.

There are little shops interjected among modest residences on both sides.

What is most interesting about the place is that you encounter a virtual potpourri of different people here.

You see Tibetans, occasional foreigners, pahadis and settlers from the plains.

To link it to the outer world, the avenue even boasts of a cybercafé.

Dhakpatti leads the way to the still more charming, busier Birgirwali Avenue.

Here Tibetans live freely among pahadis and settlers from the plains. They have houses, a few restaurants offering Tibetan cuisines, a Tibetan cybercafé and, of course, the Tibetan Homes School and a monastery.

The Tibetan Homes School has high stone walls closing on the road.

Tibetan children can be seen playing basketball from the road. In the balconies of the four-storeyed hostel, washing lines attract your attention from a distance.

On the gate you see a pamphlet appealing for the release of the Panchen Lama.

“He is the youngest political prisoner in the world,” the pamphlet says.

But the life which met a communist full stop back home seems to have started modestly but freely here.

You see young Tibetan girls in Western outfits, monks in their maroon cloaks and robes, going about like any other religious people in India.

You come across Tibetans eating traditional food with wooden chopsticks in front of small eating joints.

Life does seem to have settled for these refugees.

Older ones sit on their haunches or on chairs, their serene, lost faces, muttering over the beads of strings in their hands, even tiny rolling prayer cylinders held in their hands.

Birgirwali Avenue reaches up to the peak of this settlement, and from here starts the Old Rajpur Quarter.

Also from here, one path leads steeply down to Tapobhumi, called Tapobhumi Marg.

The narrow streets of the Old Rajpur section show true rural characteristics.

The houses are really modest here.

You come across tiny shops selling small-time items.

There are roadside Hindu shrines, and to complete the picture, there is a Muslim mosque as well, visible from the road.

All along these avenues, one cannot miss the imprint of antiquity among these upcoming urban pods in the form of housing and shopping enterprises.

These are the relics from the past.

Quite interestingly, quite a few old, abandoned, mossy-stoned, people-gripped structures have been left untrussed among the newer ones.

One can see the purple-black stony face of some past mosque, now only the gate with its one minar standing among the rubble.

At another place, some hundred-year-old oblong structure with its roof caved in welcomes with its museum smile in the form of a row of broken, vaulted faces along the road.

As you move ahead, water on both sides of the avenue gurgles to provide a Buddhist chanting background to the silent prayers of some old monk rolling his fingers over the beads of his wooden string.

All in all, Rajpur throbs with a life which is quite of its own type, unique.

Below, from Dhakpatti, a path having a stone crust and looking thirsty for tar, but at the same time lying free to provide a crunchy journey to the one who walks on it, leads to Rajpur Park.

This long strip, encircled by grilled iron fencing, is planned in the form of a modest amusement park.

Its main boasting feature is the mountain view overlooking the tiny vale, drawn by a gurgling, pebble-bedded nallah.

From this vantage point, one can see some agricultural strips at the base of the semi-wooded hillside on the opposite side.

****

The bull is famished.

It has to work more and it has to eat less because its owner is a very poor cart keeper.

So the slight-built bull, sheltered under a few sheets, is unfortunate in the sense that not a single green blade of grass or leaf of any type of vegetation is to be seen in the pale, brownish-yellow, dry wheat husk put on the dung- and urine-smeared earthen floor under its hooves, while just a hundred metres away, the forested ridge gleams and glitters with its green top.

So near to the greenery, yet so far.

A tamed, domesticated bull. Its famished master also survives on an equivalently frugal intake, in human terms.

Whenever I cross their place, I really feel sad and find that in the fabric of prosperity, there are dots of impoverishment, poverty and hunger right here in this posh locality.

And along the same lines, there are a few poor, almost dungeon-type unauthorized structures at the back of Uncle's house.

And this is the necessary discomfort the rich have to deal with, because the servants, the dhobis, factory workers and labourers buzz like a busy beehive. A lot of them work in the affluent houses nearby.

Little space for hundreds of humans, in complete contrast to the other affluent houses, especially my uncle's big house as of now, without even the caretakers, and just the two of us, our voices echoing in the big rooms and acquiring a very sad connotation.

As luxurious houses have luxurious leftovers, these, if donated, can fulfil some long-held dreams of a poor household.

But most often, the classes, the so-called big classes or affluent classes, find too little heart to understand this simple fact related to the fates of the masses. So they find it satisfying to see the leftovers going into the dustbins rather than the belly of a poor being.

Uncle, thankfully, falls well short of this qualification.

Probably, as a totally self-made man, he understands well what the word need means in the real sense.

There were many pieces of wood, wooden leftovers from the luxurious, long-drawn furnishing of his house. These were piled spoil-sportingly at the back of the house.

Money-making enterprise would have ensured a few hundred rupees out of this wooden rubbish, but by the mathematical principle of morality and kindness, he maximized the value of these useless pieces of wood and plywood sheets.

There is a big family of migrant Bihari labourers in an unauthorized, semi-pucca, small shelter.

From the back balcony, he called them to take it for free.

It took a minute for them to understand the reality of this free gift.

Two small girls in cheap, heavy woollen tracksuits and pants, as are hawked by the hawkers by the footpath, promptly came by the main gate after ensuring that the dogs were no longer there.

A small ladder was dropped against the back wall, and a young man sat on the wall to retrieve the pieces held over by the girls. Another one, standing in the street, took them from the one on the wall and handed them over to the matriarch, a small, frail lady appearing like a poor puppet in a sari.

She, in turn, gave them to the one who appeared to be her daughter-in-law.

It was a big heap, and it took quite a while to clear all the rubble.

Just see—the mere simple logic of putting away a few hundred rupees from his mind made the deed manifoldly profitable.

He got the backyard cleared and won sympathy. They got at least a couple of months' cooking fuel, as well as the realization that it is wrong to deride rich people as bloodsuckers.

Delighted by the morning sun, the Mussoorie hills appear bluish-grey above the green lower Johri ridge.

Mussoorie appears like a painting from here—unmoving, stagnant, white structures against the greenish background of semi-wooded, bluish-grey spots against the background of overall bluish-grey.

Though in reality there are hustling bazaars, tourist hotels and traffic jams over there, from here it looks like a still painting as I stand on the terrace of Uncle's house.

But from here, this unmoving tranquillity is as real as that hustle and bustle witnessed while being a part of the crowd there.

So reality has many facets, as in this case defined by the distance, the sun, the mist, the fog.

So either all are flimsy, or all are equally real.

I mean reality—the versions of it, the way they appear to us from different perspectives.

The plot adjoining Uncle's house has a thick, jungle-like growth of bushes, plants and some trees.

This is the plotted wilderness.

And taking a shortcut to comfort, which is so uncharacteristic of him because he has always been taking long cuts, Uncleji daily empties his dustbin over the wall into this bush-sheltered garbage site.

Next is another plot whose owner is yet to make up his mind over some cosy shelter.

It also has plenty of wild bushes, but a portion has been cleared to erect a low, tin-roofed structure in which the family of a rag picker passes its days.

All sorts of rubbish and wares are scattered around because it is their workyard.

A carrier rickshaw laden with discarded clothing, tyres, footwear, plastic and metal cases stands amid the jumble.

The rag picker's young daughter can be seen helping her father in sorting out the garbage—items of this category to this side, of another category to that side, of still another to still another side—working expertly, making some economic meaning out of this heaped, discarded, consumed litter.

As per some divine law of constant creation, evolution, drawing out newer and newer means and meanings through newer, fresher methods, moment to moment, the cycle—as I look at them from the terrace, a strange but not yet clear idea about the cycling infinity takes me in its quizzical grip.

The cheap stone in her nose stud still glitters brightly, richly, unrestrainedly, to be visible to the rich eyes, or the relatively richer eyes, hovering from the terrace at a distance from which the subtle nuances of eyes and feeble traces of a smile can't be spotted.

Only the bigger, exaggerated movements of the face and limbs can be seen.

I see her in her working mudra, her dupatta tied across her slim waist after crossing like a policeman's cross belt.

But then youth is no slave to class, caste or creed.

It has its own world, a diverging, exhilarating world of dreams, pleasant pangs, vaguely charming flirtations, and much more.

She is no exception to this.

As almost every young girl is beautiful in her own way, so is this girl, with healthy limbs, brownish complexion, round face, average height and athletic build.

How can the garbage around her dull the spirit of youth in her?

She passes her days like any girl of her age, full of spirits, carried on high by the wings of youth.

The world is still bright if your eyes are bright.

And the brightness of her eyes is personified by that glint of her nose stud, where a cheap stone glitters as richly as a very costly, special stone.

****

In very good mood today, Uncle shares these anecdotes, and particularly this particular one dates back to 1947, the year of Indian Independence.

He tells me my grand-auntie went to the fields at five in the early morning to fetch jowar, the green fodder for cattle and buffaloes.

But she already carried the ripe and heavy burden of maternity and delivered my uncle, with the gypsy-spirit traits, right there in the fields, in the open, without any assistance.

So when she carried the infant instead of the heavy jowar bundle on her head, it did not create news ripples, because it could always be expected of these equally sturdy and strong consorts of the work-brute desert farmers.

So that's how Uncleji was born in the year when India got its Independence.

He was delivered into this world in the freedom and openness of an open field, without any assistance.

No wonder later on, as he grew up, he acquired the same nomadic spirit, just walking his own path, unconcerned and uncaring about what people would say or think.

Many deliveries, many a delivery, happened in the fields during those times because the women could not afford to skip the daily routine of the hard lives they led.

But then Grand-Uncle and Grand-Auntie died within a very short span, leaving the two-year-old infant in the lap of my grandfather, himself a widower at that time.

Those were the days when mothers' breasts and hearts were large enough to accommodate suckling by an extra unfortunate.

So Uncle grew up strong and robust, feeding on the milk of many mothers in the neighbourhood or extended family.

People used to say:

“Beware of him. He has drunk the milk of many true mothers.”

Now Uncle—he has kept the dignity of the milk of many mothers.

He seems to be cutely boastful about this fact.

And now something about my grandfather.

My grandfather took his first cry right in the middle of the first decade of the twentieth century.

There were tiny scrub forests around in which packs of deer roamed.

People say he was fed on the milk of a female deer.

This was the fact many people attributed to his galloping prowess.

Because in the game of kabaddi, my grandfather would jump over the heads of his rivals and land safely behind the line in his part of the akhara.

As far as running capacity is concerned, during his early youth Grandfather could put any youth from the entire surrounding area to shame in running.

He even won many competitions during those slowly moving, dusty, sweet days.

When my younger grand-uncle was married—the third grand-uncle, not the father of this uncle with whom I am staying now—the father of my grand-auntie, the would-be bride, boasted of the running strength of his strong mare.

So the leader of the wedding party, the eldest brother of the groom—that is, my grandfather—challenged the man that he would beat his mare in the dash back to the home of the groom.

If he was defeated, he would forego the small dowry that they had given to the groom.

But if the mare was defeated, it would lose its master.

In fact, he outran the poor creature in the run back home, a distance of at least thirteen kilometres.

It is not without reason that now Uncle says, with his mathematical matter-of-factness, that Grandfather would have won an Olympic medal for the country had he been spotted by some athletics trainer.

But alas, that never happened.

And then Uncle has other anecdotes to tell.

Being born in 1947, he grew up listening firsthand to what happened during the Partition time, because it was then a recent happening.

So he gives me a little chronicle of the local history.

1945

In 1945, the younger brother of the Nawab of Kharkhoda—Kharkhoda being our local town—killed a panchayati bull, the common bull which sires the cattle when they are ready for providing fresh milk.

Now a panchayati bull is a symbol of respect and reverence among the farmers, and angry farmers and Jats gathered in protest.

But since Kharkhoda always had a Muslim SHO, the protest was quelled.

The bull shooter, in fact, escaped even after making an inflammatory communal remark.

1946

A year later, in 1946, for the annual Gadh Mela, the farmers went in long convoys of bullock carts, armed with lathis and multipronged iron anchors.

They would proceed on unprotected Muslim-dominated paths.

The caravan would stretch for miles as it moved ahead on its journey.

And a fearsome Muslim misbehaved with a Jat lady.

The furious woman challenged the manhood of her menfolk and relatives, and they were instigated into taking revenge.

It resulted in communal clashes.

Since the farmers numbered in thousands, they drew inspiration from the bull episode, sanctified its glory, and butchered many Muslims—a communal carnage.

On the way, Uncle Surje and his accomplice killed a horse-riding Muslim, looted his money and stole his pistol.

As the caravan crossed the iron bridge over the Yamuna near Red Fort, the army wanted to search the caravan for weapons.

Uncle Surje was caught with the pistol and was sentenced to six years' imprisonment just for this frivolity. The possession of an illegal weapon. The murder remained unaccounted because it was the age of murders justified in the name of protecting one's religion. 

1947

Now coming to the 1947 chronicle, as narrated by Uncleji long after the events, here in the Doon Valley.

The 1947 culmination of hostilities and communal fires ended in Kharkhoda.

Since Kharkhoda was under the sub-infeudation of a Muslim Nawab, who ran it almost like an independent principality, it was very difficult for the surrounding farming community, basically comprising Jats, to “clear Kharkhoda,” as they called it.

So as the communal fires spread—up here in India and there in Pakistan—here in the Hindu-majority areas, Hindus trying to drive away Muslims, and there in Pakistan, Muslims killing Hindus—in the same communal stream, the surrounding farming community, basically comprising Jats, gave a slogan:

“Kharkhoda todo.”

Kharkhoda todo means: break the Nawab's control over Kharkhoda.

The movement drew weapon-wielding ruralites from the neighbouring countryside.

The defending Muslims were firing from the rooftops of their havelis in the crowded, congested lanes where the community lived, almost like in a fortress.

And the farmers, the Hindu farmers, basically Jats, contrived a basic, rudimentary cannon-like instrument.

They called it tobda.

Tobda, derived from top, that is, a cannon.

It was an ironmonger's work, an ironsmith's forging—a medium-sized cannon muzzle carried on a horse, along with the ammunition.

It was quite rudimentary, but it did the trick for the attackers.

The bull killer tried to escape on a horse, but he was brought down by a seventy-year-old lady who hit him with a walking stick.

He was then cut to pieces by the angry mob.

The communal flare is unceasing, after all.

And the tobda, although it did not break the sturdy small-brick walls, created enough noise and smoke to create panic among the defending Muslims in Kharkhoda.

And there was this short guy from our village, belonging to the barber community.

He had gone mad with communal fury.

He was always instigating more and more attacks to liberate Kharkhoda from Muslims.

People still remember that he was involved in numerous killings of people of the other religion.

But one day he carried it too far and ended up getting killed himself.

A very old farmer still remembered it, and Uncleji recalls that this farmer told the same story during his youth.

There was this big haveli of a Muslim family.

Only the women and children were hiding inside. The men had been killed.

So the attackers said:

“Let us just move on because there is no threat left.”

But this chap wouldn't accept it.

He just ascended the wall, and in his excitement happened to fall into the courtyard on the other side.

He was never ever seen or heard from again.

The women must have cut him into pieces.

So he carried it too far.

Another anecdote is from another old farmer named Bhaganna.

I remember him—a stern-faced, ramrod-straight, tall man with unsparing red eyes.

He would just flare up at any instant.

Now there are stories about his very passionate participation in the communal riots in Kharkhoda.

He would be the leader of the attacking groups, and he himself would boast later that he had been involved firsthand in dozens of killings.

He recited one incident.

He said that just as he was killing, this very young and beautiful Muslim girl fell at his feet.

Just as he was about to strike her, she shouted:

“Jai Gau Mata!”

Now Jai Gau Mata translates roughly into “Hail the glory of Mother Cow,” and the cow being an object of great devotion to the farming community, he spared her.

He thought:

Let me save this poor girl.

We will just change her religion, make her take a bath in Ganga jal and perform the basic ceremony, and then she will be married off to some suitable bachelor in the village.

So he was carrying her in his arms, thinking that he would just put her at a safe place, away from this bloody massacre that was going on all around him.

But in the blood-curdling and blood-drenched fury and passion, somebody speared the girl.

She was mortally injured.

There was no chance that she would survive.

So this man thought it best to cut down on her agony and finish her off.

So that is the tragedy of communal strifes, communal wars and riots.

Pain here is as good as pain there.

When a person dies—of this religion or that religion—it is the same pain and suffering that one's near and dear ones face.

Human blood cannot be qualified on the basis of mere religious differences.

In a laboratory, it is the same blood, the same cells and tissues.

It is very tragic that we humans have created such religious differences only to end up slaughtering and committing genocides and so many other crimes against our fellow human beings.

And the Partition-time riots, communal warmongering and bloodletting are one such tragic chapter in India-Pakistan history.

It was so bloody that such narrations keep cropping up till this date, after almost sixty years of the happening.

****