The inspirer of lovers and the innocent
muse of little children, the moon is always there in its orbit around the earth.
We expect it to be there after the dark nights, its crescent first increasing
then decreasing. How come it’s able to fulfill its natural duty with such
unerring precision? It’s born of centripetal and centrifugal forces, the forces
of opposing nature. The centripetal force of earth, born of its gravity,
pulling the moon towards it; the centrifugal force, the outward force on moon
when it rotates, saving it from crashing into the earth due to the its gravitational
force. Perfect balance, harmony and precision!
The same is the connection between two
humans, be it business partnerships, matrimonial alliance, friendship, communication
or any situation involving a connection between two human beings. There has to
be gravitational pull, the attraction. This attraction is born of our hopes,
expectations, insecurities, vulnerabilities, strengths, weaknesses, dreams and
aspirations. But the pull can be really hard. It sees us crashing into each
other as if the other person is the last salvation point. We forget that he/she
is also a human being with similar strengths and weaknesses. Then follows the
pain, dilemma, blame and even suffering as we try to free ourselves from the
other person, feeling suffocated, our sacred self violated, our sense of
freedom jeopardized.
How to keep moving safely at an
optimum distance in the trajectory of any type of relationship? We have to
maintain the pull, but too strong a pull will see us being sucked into the
privacy and vulnerability zone of the other person. Similarly, the outward-bound
centrifugal force of testing incidents and situations will try to pull us
apart, pulling us against the forces of attraction. It’s always there to make
people fall apart because without it the force of attraction has no meaning.
It’s only the see-saw balance between
these opposing forces that sees an object moving in a safe orbit about another
body. Similarly, it’s the attraction and the challenges to that attraction that
make the trajectory of a relationship between two humans dynamic in nature. It
gives it mobility. The mobility makes it a journey. And the journeys are meant
to make us learn lessons, to evolve and be wiser. Wise people know the
importance of love, kindness, care and share.
So all you people there, be careful in
your role of a friend, partner, husband, wife, colleague. Maintain the
attraction but don’t allow it to pull you too much into the inner sanctified
zone of the object of your attraction. Don’t simply fall over people, making
them feel burdened with you. Respect that inviolable individuality in a person.
At the same time, don’t allow the outward-bound forces to break the fragile
bond of attraction and fly you away into the unknown, out of the trajectory of
that person. Don’t be too far. Don’t be too near either. Keep a teasing
distance to keep it fresh and alive. Too much of intimacy and too much of space
are both bad for a relationship. Harmony is the product of a balanced equation.
With some space in between, each of
the two persons can feel comfortable and can see the other in true light. We
need some space to watch, to witness, to appreciate, to note weaknesses and
thus guide and give support. If we crash into each other, with too much
intimacy, it somehow disturbs the sacred individuality of the person. Then we
see a blurred picture of the other person because he/she has crossed the zone
of observance, comfort and bonhomie. It turns into a transgression. That’s why
two persons, who might be almost perfect to others outside, after coming into
too proximity get confused about their respective identities, make it complex
and then find themselves almost intolerable to each other. They take each other
as transgressors.
This cosmic law holds even
supermassive galaxies in balance. Human relations are a cakewalk for its
application. So hold hands softly, don’t crush; embrace gently, don’t squeeze;
softly brace, don’t clutch; speak gently, don’t shout; hold talks, not debates;
make love, not just violent lust; just smile, don’t snort; listen and make your
point; laugh and make her laugh; gently support but slowly undo the
dependencies; don’t lead or follow, just walk together; hold hands but not pull
him/her into your direction, walk on a common path. These are the little tools
to maintain that sacred space between two humans.
So there has to a sacred space in
between, the space defined by healthy attraction, which is just sufficient to
undo the outward forces of distraction. Not too near; not too far. At a perfect
distance. If we meet each other at this perfect distance, we too can keep
revolving around each other in an optimum trajectory for a long time.
