The game of push and pull

 

The inspirer of lovers and the innocent muse of little children, the moon is always there in its orbit around the earth. We expect it to be there after the dark nights, its crescent first increasing then decreasing. How come it’s able to fulfill its natural duty with such unerring precision? It’s born of centripetal and centrifugal forces, the forces of opposing nature. The centripetal force of earth, born of its gravity, pulling the moon towards it; the centrifugal force, the outward force on moon when it rotates, saving it from crashing into the earth due to the its gravitational force. Perfect balance, harmony and precision!

The same is the connection between two humans, be it business partnerships, matrimonial alliance, friendship, communication or any situation involving a connection between two human beings. There has to be gravitational pull, the attraction. This attraction is born of our hopes, expectations, insecurities, vulnerabilities, strengths, weaknesses, dreams and aspirations. But the pull can be really hard. It sees us crashing into each other as if the other person is the last salvation point. We forget that he/she is also a human being with similar strengths and weaknesses. Then follows the pain, dilemma, blame and even suffering as we try to free ourselves from the other person, feeling suffocated, our sacred self violated, our sense of freedom jeopardized.

How to keep moving safely at an optimum distance in the trajectory of any type of relationship? We have to maintain the pull, but too strong a pull will see us being sucked into the privacy and vulnerability zone of the other person. Similarly, the outward-bound centrifugal force of testing incidents and situations will try to pull us apart, pulling us against the forces of attraction. It’s always there to make people fall apart because without it the force of attraction has no meaning.

It’s only the see-saw balance between these opposing forces that sees an object moving in a safe orbit about another body. Similarly, it’s the attraction and the challenges to that attraction that make the trajectory of a relationship between two humans dynamic in nature. It gives it mobility. The mobility makes it a journey. And the journeys are meant to make us learn lessons, to evolve and be wiser. Wise people know the importance of love, kindness, care and share.

So all you people there, be careful in your role of a friend, partner, husband, wife, colleague. Maintain the attraction but don’t allow it to pull you too much into the inner sanctified zone of the object of your attraction. Don’t simply fall over people, making them feel burdened with you. Respect that inviolable individuality in a person. At the same time, don’t allow the outward-bound forces to break the fragile bond of attraction and fly you away into the unknown, out of the trajectory of that person. Don’t be too far. Don’t be too near either. Keep a teasing distance to keep it fresh and alive. Too much of intimacy and too much of space are both bad for a relationship. Harmony is the product of a balanced equation.

With some space in between, each of the two persons can feel comfortable and can see the other in true light. We need some space to watch, to witness, to appreciate, to note weaknesses and thus guide and give support. If we crash into each other, with too much intimacy, it somehow disturbs the sacred individuality of the person. Then we see a blurred picture of the other person because he/she has crossed the zone of observance, comfort and bonhomie. It turns into a transgression. That’s why two persons, who might be almost perfect to others outside, after coming into too proximity get confused about their respective identities, make it complex and then find themselves almost intolerable to each other. They take each other as transgressors.

This cosmic law holds even supermassive galaxies in balance. Human relations are a cakewalk for its application. So hold hands softly, don’t crush; embrace gently, don’t squeeze; softly brace, don’t clutch; speak gently, don’t shout; hold talks, not debates; make love, not just violent lust; just smile, don’t snort; listen and make your point; laugh and make her laugh; gently support but slowly undo the dependencies; don’t lead or follow, just walk together; hold hands but not pull him/her into your direction, walk on a common path. These are the little tools to maintain that sacred space between two humans.

So there has to a sacred space in between, the space defined by healthy attraction, which is just sufficient to undo the outward forces of distraction. Not too near; not too far. At a perfect distance. If we meet each other at this perfect distance, we too can keep revolving around each other in an optimum trajectory for a long time.