Drugged Monkeys

The vendor’s auto laden with fruits and vegetables is chugging with a shaky drooling sound on the tiny village square. A monkey chides and grimaces at the cornered Homo sapiens and escapes with two bananas. But he doesn’t eat them with the typical hurry and greed of a thief on the run. He claims a well calibered ownership of the provisions in his hand. The pink-bummed ruffian carefully sniffs at the stolen fruits as if doing a thorough chemical analysis. The expert lab in his brain gives a clear signal and he peels them and eats with relish. Emboldened with the fruit giving him instant energy, he stalks a woman who has her purchase in a polythene bag. The broad daylight robbery is avoided as a man runs to help her.

Question arises why did he go for the sniffling analysis of the plundered property. Surely the message has been circulated quite well among the Simian population of the village. A couple of days ago, two broad-backed, thick-bummed, pink-balled rascals paid the price for not doing a thorough sniffing analysis. They had enlarged their domain of chronic mischief to include even tasting the skin on human calf muscles. These two stood out as the main plot-hatchers who probably thought they can do a coup and scare the humans away to have the entire village to themselves. Nothing wrong with the intentions by the way. They have a right to whatever we humans do. But we are smarter than them. The drugged bananas found them out of senses sloths on a porch. They were nicely packed in a gunny sack and disposed off to a far off place.

The rest of the Simian populace seems to have learnt a lesson and they have agreed to go for a chemical analysis of whatever we bigger monkeys offer them.

In a nearby town, my friend has a sorry tale of Simian wrongdoing. Tortured by their ever-breeding ways of both progenies and mischief, the locals gave a contract to a professional monkey catcher. He but turned out to be too smart for both the monkeys and the humans. He would drug them with fruits, gather them in sacks and dispose them in the dark of night at a nearby town. Now, the townspeople there also had given him contract for the same. Here also he did the same and offloaded the fainted offenders at the former town. The business went smooth. But this continuous drugging left the Simians very irritated and aggressive. During the lockdown, these aggressive and drugged monkeys literally ruled the streets.

That friend of mine was brushing teeth bent over the sink. An irritated rascal, in lugubrious high spirits, jumped from a height of one story and landed straight on his head. Poor fellow fell headlong. The offender ran away screeching with glory. ‘A monkey has a lot of weight man!’ is all that poor fellow can muster up with his jolted senses. On another occasion, his mother paid a big price for breaking the lockdown curfew. Poor auntie walked with apprehension as she crossed the deserted street now ruled by monkeys. Can you believe it? Look at their guts. They pinced her down and sat on her. She was just an ounce short of having a heart attack. People ran to save her and salvage Homo sapiens’ price. Luckily she wasn’t bitten.