An abandoned beehive in the garden

 Natural honey is a precious thing these days and the honey-loving eagle is also rare. It’s a little, poignant tussle between two rarities, a kind of unrelenting oscillation between despair and hilarity. The honey-buzzard returned the next day as well. It seems almost destitute and runaway, so few of them are left after all. It took a big slice. It’s a lucrative trip but it chronicles an irony as well. There are so few beehives and the honey buzzard’s beakful of takeaway seems like the sadistic savor of a glutton. The honeybees belong to the little garden and hence to me it looks a deplorable act by the eagle. There I stand in the melded eerie of reason and emotions. The reason pardoning the eagle and the emotions feeling the loss incurred by the bees. Great is the winged hunter’s predatory dive and equally great is the bees’ craftsmanship and the alchemy of transforming pollen into nectar. The bees so homely and the eagle seems so distant, weird and peripatetic.

There I stand with my dystopian look, skeptical oeuvre, hasty impetus and restless impulses. Primarily our attitude between a loss and a new beginning is shabby and provisional. Our thoughts febrile and random. The sense of loss is hundred times palpable than any other effect of any consequence born of our efforts. From the ramparts of my fortified illusions, the house of bees seems in tatters. But the bees hardly suffer from the effects of simple happenings that we perceive as haunting mirages of loss and agony. So while I stand morose and disheveled, they show painterly aesthetics to draw new lines on the endless canvas. And with a fledgling and buzzing sense of duty, they make a new beginning. They understand that it is the time to move. Their take on life and living is beyond mere commodification of one’s efforts. Moving on without any grudges is an inseparable part of their nature.

I’m but caught in my mundane and superfluous catalogues. Something is missing from the yard. It’s a sad sight to look at the empty hive. With an irreducible sense of duty, a few of them are still busy in taking away the last remaining granules of nectar. A nostalgic winding-up of affairs. I’m sure they will have more pollen somewhere with the spring coming and many flowers blooming with vivid full smile. I hope they will return with the onset of monsoons on a luminous day. In fact, they come every year. But there is something missing. The abandoned hive is just three or four feet above my head when I stand under the curry patta tree. I used to be welcomed by soft wafting smell of honey as and when I passed under it. It’s always a sad sight to look at an empty house, the house that was so alive with activity till a day back. 

Freedom

 JK was a free soul. He broke all chains of religious and spiritual institutions. He didn't believe in the guru-disciple equation in the strict sense of it. He dismantled the spiritual kingdom of Theosophical Society erected around him for making him its spiritual king. He was for the utmost freedom of mind; freedom beyond even spiritual syllabus involving spiritual texts taught by spiritual Masters in spiritual institutions.  But the world cannot bear up with so much of freedom. We need our anchor points to feel at home. So quite ironically Krishnamurti Foundation piled up around him as the thinker of freedom and ultimate liberation kept talking about against all institutions and institutionalization of thoughts.

Gurus have spiritual powers, just like politicians have political powers or rich have the power of wealth. And power has a tendency to manage things as per its chosen set of reality, its judgement and likes and dislikes. A mission is a mission even if it's holy in nature. Even in the case of spiritual empowerment, there is a very subtle trace of manipulation of things, even if it's for a noble cause, as per the likes and dislikes of the spiritually powerful person. They have their mission of nobility and it needs missionaries. I have read in the biographies of many holy Masters that they were made to do all the holy work by the power and instructions of their gurus. Like they were given a task and they hardly had any option. They had to do it. This is where Krishnamurti went off the road from the main spiritual thoroughfair. He was for complete annihilation of any bondage including routinized faith, scriptural principles, ashram system and all the allied things in the domain. To me a best guru is the one who gives all he has to a follower, without expecting any missionary work, and leave him or her to seek their own Destiny. Like a Father who brings up his children in a healthy environment and then is all happy to see them setting up their own homes. 

Stay at one place and expectations creep up. They want you to take up their holy work. I have always felt insecure about being piously hijacked by a holy man for his humanitarian mission. So I have a strategy for this. I go to ashrams, have their Darshan and before their eyes stabilize and start building plans for you, I run away. So sadhaks, take your nectar, and flip away like a butterfly taking honey from various flowers. Go to holy places of all kinds, absorb and soak all the positive energy and keep hopping. Why get anchored in one ashram? Read scriptures, as much as you can. But don't expect them to be the reality itself. They are mere pointers. Never expect to understand or agree to everything written in a holy book. A holy book has something positive for all types of people. If you don't agree with certain portions, it simply means that part isn't for you. But you will have your agreements and likes further on in the same text. So filter what is suitable for you. Read, have Darshan of holy men, go for pilgrimages, roam in free forests, bathe in untamed rivers, interact with people, do your worldly duties, keep moving...and finally all this seeking tires you out to help you stabilize within yourself. Happy journey!

A swordish wife

 Bunna has an avant-garde, sharp-edged wife. He has been a withdrawn youth but at last fate has feted him with an instrument to beat his brooding self trapped inside a recalcitrant persona. He is safely drafted into matrimony, having hit the jackpot to get a wife at last. There is no scope for any sort of discontentment now as long as there is a wife. So now as a young man, looking for the satiation of the customary desire, he easily gets what he needs at this stage of life. These are bewitching days suffused with enchantment of flesh. Life seems a cakewalk with varied compilation of the much-touted sense pleasure; a kind of true-to-life tenderness blooming like lotus among the mud of tyranny and suffocation.

Mostly all relationships carry love-hate shades. Apart from the usual recreations and raptures, his wife’s requirements but cover a broader horizon. She is very quick to hit the belligerent trajectory. She sandblasts her husband, so much so that hers is a legend-spinning persona in the neighborhood. Although evocative and vivid in her fun-games with her husband, she scratches his face and spits at him when she suffers from the fits of her volcanic temper.

He is receptive to all this with a wobbly cuteness. He carries an ironic, wispy half-smile. As she gallantly takes a crushing grip at the last traces of his freedom, he coolly bears all this, knowing fully well that this is the investment he has to commit in lieu of all that he needs. In fact, he considers himself lucky to have a wife. He is the only one fortunate enough to get a wife among three brothers. He is wise and understands that if he reacts, on the spur of an anarchist moment, his grip on matrimonial pleasure may be gone with an extraordinary twinkle. So he is joyously yoked into the affair with a womanly compliance. I find him pretty strong willed in this, a sort of strong-charactered guy who is compellingly consistent in his demeanor. 

He works in a needle-making factory. It’s a very careful work where you cannot afford to be in estrangement with caution even for a moment. In this way, he is completely used to needling by his perk, petite, curvaceous, young, temperamental wife. On a Sunday, he lets his guard slightly down. It’s late morning. He takes few pegs of the cheap desi liquor, offering one to his razor-sharp wife also. A romantic Bollywood song then shatters the neighborhood walls. It’s eroticizing and exoticizing romance beyond limits. The exquisite lyrics carry their sensuous notes with incorrigible loudness. The locality’s peace lies in shambles, almost in disrepair.

The frivolous notes sneak into serious corners. Someone is in the middle of an online examination going. Bunna and his sharp wife are caught in dulled, gyrating moments, as a prelude to their tumbling fight in the bed, by the complainant who arrives at the door of their small upstairs room in their tiny house. This is a clear KLPD. Her romantic energies then change to vendetta against her husband. He is sympathetic to the complaint raised by the neighbor and hence lowers the volume. Now the sizzling energies in the razor-sharp wife need an escape medium. She pounces upon her husband calling him a floundering sissy and coward who pees at the instructions of ever-exploiting neighbors. The volume of sound stays the same, as loud as earlier, just that now it’s the wife raising a storm.

A child's playmate

 Nevaan has turned a caustic interrogator now. With his little steps liberating him from childhood dependencies, he is nicely climbing up the teasing scaffolding of boyhood to further enlarge his sphere of influence. As I use the toilet, he stands outside the door and sternly asks, ‘Mama kya kar rahe ho?’ There is a weird nuance in his tone. He sounds like a policeman in this enquiry. ‘What will a person do in the loo?’ I mutter guardedly like an irritated thief in the jail. My tone is rudely soured for being asked such an obvious question. Now, they are smartphone-honed, extra-smart generation. They are discerning and insightful beyond their years. Before we realize they have already acquired critical perspectives. God forbid, if he already—just at the age of five—has some idea about the other side of the story that sometimes unfolds inside loos and bathrooms. If it’s so then it’s quite worrisome.

There is a dry, crooked branch of tree lying in a corner in the yard. With a cynical certainty, it becomes a sword, a gun, a stick, a spear, a policeman’s baton as per the role adopted by him. In all these instances, it’s a super-hero’s weapon of dispensing justice against the evil, the bad guy. No need to guess, I’m the all-bad guy, thoroughly enmeshed with thuggery, who needs a child’s weapon to mend his errant ways. My primary crime is asking him not to watch too much of cartoon programs on television. So there he is on a mission to reframe my persona into someone who is comfortable with children watching cartoon programs on television for endless hours. You can say he wants to mold me into a good guy. 

Consciousness dancing on the floor of its self-hatched realities

 How will a stone know that it's a stone? It knows how to 'be' a stone, that's why it exists. From the tiniest to the biggest, from the moving to the unmoving, from dust to a flower, everything knows how to 'be'. In fact, the things considered as insentient by us know it perfectly well how to 'be'. The atomic arrangement in them knows how to be a stone. But there is a tendency in the element of just 'being so' to 'become something' and that drives this multilayered flux from being to becoming ranging from galaxies to a dew drop. At their essential core, 'just being so' and 'becoming something' are part of the same game. In fact the same thing. A stone looks just a stone, but it's becoming something as well at the same time. The process is very subtle. And what is consciousness? This is the force of 'being' and 'becoming' itself. The debate is endless and the question will stay unresolved till eternity as long as we are compartmentalizing matter, energy and consciousness as separate entities. That's a very funny convenience we create. But what else is this existence apart from the limitless potential to create? Mother creation is just an open ended freeway of timeless and spaceless possibilities. 

Coming back to consciousness. If you segregate one fundamental entity into three different categories, like here in matter, energy and consciousness, you have infinite possibilities to create logic, analysis, hypothesis or any other output of mindwork. That's our logical creation only. It hardly deals with the essential commonality between matter, energy and consciousness. It but serves a purpose. This categorization of the same unity into fragmented elements gives rise to fabulous brainwork in the form of science, religion, ethics, moral codes, education, culture, everything belonging to the blissful and agonizing maya we create. Who can stop little children from making castles, dolls, dogs, toys, sepoys from the same mud and clay? They are free to play and take it very seriously to believe their creations to be quite different from each other. But does that make any difference to the mud being just mud? The entire profession of consciousness scientists will turn redundant the moment we put up the little toys of energy, matter and consciousness into the dustbin and mesh them together to make them the undifferentiated clay.

This creation, this game, this play of energy, this churning of matter, this storm of consciousness is helpless in 'being' and 'becoming'. It goes on. And all of us are entitled to erect smart structures of nations, religions, gods, deities, science, cars, planes, relationships, smiles, tears, everything. So keep 'becoming' all you 'beings'. And once you 'become', again try just to 'be'. It keeps us busy like every particle around us madly busy in spinning. All this is just a tiny storm in the teacup, a little ripple in a tiny corner of the universe or multiverse whatever you name it. And this play and expansion is so funny as to take itself very very seriously and churn out wonders, new shapes and phenomena at every point of its expansion. But all this is the same primordial dust playing with itself making different looking entities. Consciousness trying to be conscious of itself. A sort of self-driving motive for its journey,  a never-ending journey. If you are trying to be conscious of something outside yourself, the journey can't be endless and later or sooner you will stop. But here consciousness is following its own tail, trying to be conscious of itself, like a cat chasing its tail in a circle, unleashing a blizzard of happenings. And that creates newer and newer avenues for latest versions. I hope you remember the ancestors of little house lizards were once mighty dinosaurs. Infinity trying to be limited and make a meaning of its meaninglessness through laws and generalization. And we carry the same tendency of the cosmic entity's fundamental quest. We are a little ounce of universe chasing its tail, spinning on its axis to find some meaning for all this spinning around. From the so called best to the worst, we finally convince ourselves that that's the real meaning. But that again is a solace, a conditioning of our mind to accept something that seems to give us some respite from the mad circling around in pursuance of our own tails. Whatever meaning you create, whatever toy you make, it hardly matters to the primordial clay. But yes, the clays that we create through individual and collective organizational set up in the form of nations, organizations, religion, faith, gods, deities, bureaucracy everything, that's merely an acceptance, an agreement to behold the validity of our creation. It has no bearing on the fundamental mud and clay, the cosmic pool of consciousness, we are all wallowing in. I have repeatedly used the word 'consciousness' because we have all agreed to define it as such. So spin your webs well. Create your realities. Dance on the floor quite energetically. Contort yourself in your dancing as much as you want, move and shake in your own weird ways. Only caution, try not to trample others toes as you go dancing. 

During the dynamic meditation sessions at an Osho ashram, people would let loose their inner emotions through crying, laughing, rolling on the floor, shouting or singing. Some would roar like lions and I would be scared that they might bury their molars in someone's throat. I was particularly scared for one old tauji who usually turned into the cutest goat after every dynamic meditation session. He would crawl on all fours and move around bleating. That was when I got apprehensive that the lions in the group might pounce upon him for their dinner. Jokes apart, the cute goaty tauji had every right to become a goat as long as he took care of not trotting out of the hall and enter the garden for grazing on well-tendered flowers.