Joseph K. and Me

"if you have the right eye for these things, you can see that the accused men are often attractive. It's a remarkable phenomenon, almost a natural law.... accused men are always the most attractive." __Trial by Franz Kafka.

Well, at long last I find reason for my peculiar attractiveness. Ha ha. I also stand accused by state vigilance commission under Hooda govt. My crime. Actually I had cracked Haryana PCS to get selected as a subdivision magistrate. Hooda got gastric ulcer over my tiny feat. So there he orders an inquiry. They scanned my answer sheets. Lo, there they found the proof of my crime. It was an expert catch. In one of the answers, the evaluator had changed marking from 2 to 4 with his initials authenticating the change of mind. Now 15 years down the line, having lost the fruit of my 10 years of study, I still wonder how come I stand accused for evaluator's change of mind, and especially when this adding of 2 marks doesn't effect my selection in any way because even with 2 marks less I still get into the selection list. So guys, there starts the Trial protagonist Joseph K. type futile struggle. Judges won't understand the rocket science. But then my take away is Kafka's accused protagonist type attractiveness..and I like it. And equipped with my accused attractiveness, I sometimes ponder over to find out reasons how come I got only 37% marks in IAS interview even after scoring 54% in mains written because with this type of score one can easily be among the toppers. And I also remember how come one PCS BOARD gave me only 36% in interview after I had scored 55% in written mains which again is a top-worthy score. So guys here I stand like Joseph K when he was executed with final words on his lips, "like a dog!"...heee heee. Am I that bad, I sometimes think. Or to rephrase, am I too good for the system? This second option gives more solace, because it provides a sort of self-driven poetic justice. Well, to survive in this world one has to have grey shades. Not that I don't have mine. Possibly they couldn't spot it. In any case, system's loss, not mine. Hee heee. Again I derive sadistic pleasure with this thought.