The Little Sparrow

Cooling in the elixir of postmodernist afterglow?  There are deft strokes, steely lines and spools of songs about our achievements. There are shadowy poles that beat the fog with their pale, penetrating light. But then angelic, sacred balance and natural laws have been violated and warped. Something basically wrong has happened with nature during the present scandalous times.

Have you ever seen a sparrow couple fighting out with another, the latter having set up its nest, mated, laid eggs and waiting for hatching under the mother’s warm fur and father’s protective gaze? It does happen now. The force of human touch is too strong on nature. Everything is getting humanised. And with due respect to the pardonable—beyond the realm of sin and pity—non-judgemental fight among the innocently instinct-led lives in the animal and bird kingdoms, we can still brand it as the most gruesome attack on somebody’s home and hearth to fulfil the basest of a selfish motive.

They were furiously screeching, chirping, pecking their beaks into the rivals’ fur mercilessly; their little claws trying to gouge out the opponents’ eyes. Mind you, it had all human connotations. Their rumpled feathers and crumpled fur had all the elements of a bloody street fight among we humans. And what was it for? To grab the nest!

Possibly the fact that the nest had the smell of human hand in making it had something to do with the things going nasty like among the supreme species of the earth. It was a barn roof made of wooden rafters and stone slabs. The box made of plywood was attached to one of the rafters. It hung there with a broad look of TO LET for free at the uncemented, brick-laid floor below.

Earlier this transgressing couple never ever cared to look at the abandoned nest, vacant after the previous hatching, waiting for some laborious sparrow couple to sort out things for another cycle of home-making by the new entrants. And a diligent couple arrived looking for a secure home. Finding the odour of long-left nestlings inimical to their pure, non-short-cutting instinct to procreate and preserve, they worked to bring it into order for a new homely start. Old bird-drop smitten sinews were thrown down piece by piece and new ones fixed for a brand new cosy interior. Then eggs were laid and the expectant moments for hatching started.

Now there was a fight at hand. Perhaps, it’s the modern day norm to destroy before getting on to the next step in the journey. The way they—the attacking couple, led by their hissing instinct which easily overpowered the much mellowed down parental defence—beat out the parents waiting for the fluid in their tiny eggs to form and shape into nestlings, made them condemnable as the rogue, brutish couple. Broken shells and scattered fluid on the ground for ant-feed provided testimony to the charge against them.

The winners knew that the mourning couple will take one more day to keep fussing around the site, so unashamedly they mated on a nearby tree, fully sure of their possession of the nest. The next day, they started flitting in and out of the sinewed shelter, with spring in their flight and much mirth in their dives; making minor adjustments to the grabbed property to satisfy that primordial birdy instinct to make a nest before drawing out procreative self’s best. Very cleverly they made those minor adjustments; gave themselves a clean chit and life started again in the nest.

Why have even birds started taking short-cuts like the humans, stepping over others’ toes in the selfish stampede, crushing others’ dreams to fulfil personal motives? Very intelligently the birds around the human world have also picked out a few paying lessons from our book of practicality.

******

I, a little sparrow, just out of the nest, and not even baptised, have been a witness to this happening that took place in the neighbouring man-made nest-box attached to the wood and stone slab ceiling. Quite surprisingly, I’ve a wonderful memory to narrate the sayings of Mother almost as she did.

Now, since I’m sitting freely on a branch, I can narrate the whole story without being constantly chirped, pecked and haggled to take first lessons in a birdie flight. Mama and Papa aren’t with me for the simple reason that both of them couldn’t withstand that hit by the ceiling fan (within a couple of days—Papa on the previous day and Mama the following day, that is yesterday) circling in air to make air out of air—and draw blood as well, if chance suited it—over, above, around, beneath the buffalos and calves in this rectangular barn with three wall sides and one side open fronting the courtyard.

Well, as soon as we were hatched and could make out the meaning of her chirp, nestling anecdotes started. For weeks, we were just parting our tiny beaks to this someone who remained with the ugly, hairless, soft piece of purplish offspring. Amidst intervals in their frantic, beakful cargoeing to cater to our unceasing hunger she had some moments of respite:

“Your Papa and I were one day frantically scratching our beaks against the plastered walls and the ceiling of this open-fronted barn. Nowadays, it’s rare to have unplastered walls having nooks, holes and crevices for us to sneak in and make nest. It’s after all a sound, solid, smooth world of modern-day man. And there are still lesser trees with holes in their trunks. So we were desperately trying to undo the smooth plasterwork with our little beaks. But beaks are no chisels. Though by the look of it, we felt sure to do with a hole in the walls just below the ceiling, around the rafter-ends.

“It is, as you can see with some care not to fall down, a stone slab and wood-beamed roof, so we smelt our chance here. There are two iron cross-beams. The one that you see just ahead and the other you can’t—but will see later as you come out to enjoy this big world. These run along the width and the small wooden rafters supported on the beams along the length across the three sections bearing the stone slabs make our roof. Well, that’s our roof. It’s better to know ones roof. It’s as good as knowing the root.

“All of us need the holes of our sizes. But just for utilitarian purpose, we can’t become ants to lay eggs. Harder and harder we worked. Our wings smeared with sweat. We could disturb spider-webs, plaster and lime whitewash only. There was little to show, except some dents in the lime-wash, in lieu of our efforts. It’s so hard to make a home inside some bigger one’s home!

“This farmer that you can steal a glance from above, tending the buffalos, cutting the grass, working on the chaff-cutter over there, and grinding wheat in that chakki—the way I do for you in my beak on a tiny scale—in that flour machine there in the opposite left hand corner, is very kind and understanding. We birds for make a big noise our little demands. It’s disproportionate to our worth and feathery stature. But quite paradoxically our noise does appear a song to the bigger world having bigger brains. So most often, even our mourning for the dead goes on to be interpreted as a song of celebration, as if in some nest the prince of the whole birdie kingdom has been born.

“There are good people, simply like there are bad people. Are they really good, or they have to put up the pretention of being good through supposedly good acts, we don’t know. Is goodness the first flash received in reaction to circumstances; or they have to labour for it? Well, these questions shouldn’t rob us of our thankfulness we should feel for this farmer boy. God bless him with all good things in life, a nice harvest, good wife and long life and a longer trail of children! He knew it was no song of ecstasy and love. It was a noise of desperation. So he thought of helping us.

“Then there are various categories of people. Some don’t listen even if they see it; some listen but don’t act; some act in a bad way; and some act positively. And God bless him with more happiness than any other human being. He not only listened but acted well also. He nailed plywood boards into this beam here in the safe corner. He made this box fixed to the wood rafter away from all storms and dangers.

“There are but many takers for such safe house-letting. So a rival couple, in the same position as we, arrived just as we had staked our claim to the wooden little box by ferrying the foundational sinews. To defend this fact and to save a position of being held culpable on account of not defending our right, and thus add to the lawlessness, we maintained and secured our foothold.

“Now there are some people who can even repeat an act of kindness even twice; who don’t turn their ears deaf and eyes blind, hands crippled, legs numb, mind not seized with clapping for the already opened account of goodness, and heart not basking and drawing moral solace from that sole deed for days on end. Defying all these simply affordable luxuries, he took another bitter swig of practicality (or maybe it was really a sweet pill to him), he made another one over there just to the other side of the iron cross-beam, where you can see the lower ends of the dangling sinews from its opening. Ours, however, is more favourably placed. Here you have this big swing they playfully turn on, and sometimes it gets turned off by itself; sometimes it starts again by itself and sometimes they have to put their index finger over that board!”

Well, you might complain that I, a young sparrow just out of the nest for the first time, my funny purplish body bearing a funny coat of grey-brown tufts yet to cover the whole of me, have ended up telling a whole epical story from the book of birdie mythology. But it isn’t so. It’s a simple narrative Mother told me and my little sister.

I take the onus and burden of being the elder sibling for the mere fact of my male gender, her relatively slow development, pathetic shrill cries as well as my outmanoeuvring her to grab most of the beakfuls Mama and Papa managed to get from somewhere. Where did they go, I was never able to know. To me the world meant this roof and the barn floor below; society means the vague indication of hustling and bustling in the neighbouring nest.

I don’t know why there are so many different types of birds. Well, there must have been some pattern and reason behind all this; otherwise all bird parents will make their offsprings look the same. In that case, it will turn really funny. Elders would feed wrong kids, mistaking others’ children as their own.

To some physical requirements and convenience come first and the moral, material duties required to support the former come later. I don’t exactly understand the real meaning of it. I’ve sort of crammed it up for the sake of my all-knowing Papa, as he told me on that stormy night while the big noise from where my parents fetched grains kept we nestlings awake.

With a mischievous glint of pride, Mama and Papa bragged that day that the other couple was just the same; while they were the opposite. Here again I just reproduce the words—for I’ve been born with a keen memory—chirped by Mama about the meaning of ‘opposite’:

“To us the duty comes first. The duty to support the pleasure; otherwise today’s pleasure becomes tomorrow’s pain. So before deciding to bring you two to this nest, we worked on this opening in the box. It was a bit big and risky for you little ones. We almost sewed up the opening with grass sinews to avoid a fall, leaving this nice peephole for you and a door for us. It took us weeks before we finally entered the marital life. But she, the lady in that other couple, already had eggs in her furred belly when they came to fight us.

“Hadn’t it been for the farmer boy, she would have been forced to lay eggs in open much to the shame of motherhood. So they had no time to secure their box’s opening. While the nature’s call or miscall struck at her belly and father’s head, they scampered for a couple of days to get a famished bed for the eggs and the flimsiest of a grass wall around the opening.

“Thank God you didn’t see the consequences to the nestlings because then you were mere eggs. The day their scurrying for food started to shake the nest’s sinew wall, their future seemed almost lost. More so because the farmer’s son has a domesticated cat. A cat eats the likes of us! So always be scared of them. Now we hate cats for this fact. But we can pity her as well for we have wings. A cat can’t fly. So unless and until we become too careless to allow the cat’s earthly crawling beat our sky-high winged flight, we need not have fear at the cat front. So as youngsters, I’ll not teach you both to get crazy about the cat’s claws and make little, ineffective, hateful noise of the predator. Strengthen your wings. That is my advice.                    

“Now, before you both start hating this farmer boy for petting a cat, let me tell you that there are rats as well. And rats do a great harm to a farmer’s harvest and interests. So they have to bear with the nuisance of even a cat. You must have seen her prowling below from the strong parapet of your nest, gazing with the patience of a sage at our box. Whenever the cat had time from the rats and its mean mewing at the stray ones of her type, it stood below our neighbouring nest. It saw a chance there. The opening was too big. Its mouth brimming with water as it listened to the meaty sounds coming from behind that thin curtain of sinews and grass specks at the box’s opening. The nestlings were growing rapidly, as you were very slowly coming into shape inside your shells. The farmer boy knew the cat’s intentions, so not to rob him of the credit for his good deed, many a time he shooed her away from the spot. But he couldn’t beat her out of the house for the simple reason that there were many rats.

“The nestlings—three of them—had grown fat as the parents had been feeding them quite well. Whimpering to eat more and more, they now hit against the grassy protection around the opening. It finally gave away and two of them dropped like little meaty dumplings in the form of reward for the cat’s patience. Before the farmer boy could run to their help, she, more agile, gathered up the freebies and ran towards the courtyard wall. She wouldn’t let go off the prize even as a stick landed on its back while it cleared the fence. Now, you might say that he must have forsaken the criminal. To be fair to him, he must have even thought about doing the same, for I saw him chasing the offender for a couple of days. He must have started to become oblivious to the fact that there are rats if not for his mother’s stern chiding. Even the rats came out of their holes. Since there were rats, so there had to be a cat. They are still hidden around. Beware of them! Rats are even bigger enemies because they cause the cat to exist in the house.

“Well, to leave the cat and return to the tragedy-stricken parents, we can’t add wordings to their grief. The grassy facade had fallen. It now appeared a gaping hole of death in the far corner of which cowered the lone survivor. I saw it in the maker’s eyes as he pitifully looked at the nest from below. We don’t speak but our chirps make us understand our own chirping—that helps in telling you the story. But for the unspoken feelings of the humans! They are strange, so I cannot tell you anything about them. But I found him full of guilt for his design. His eyes conveyed that feeling to me. O yes, humans’ eyes tell a lot about the things that aren’t spoken. ‘I should have put up a support along the opening,’ I guessed him to rue sullenly. But somebody’s good intentions can’t match the perfection of design required to bring the full fructification of those kind wishes...”

Here again I’m just repeating the words, for the meaning gets lost to me. I must reproduce the crammed words. I feel more confident of my memory than of my wings. Anyway to carry on with my mother’s story:

“So as a result of the bird couple’s mismanagement, his deficiency of design and the cat’s simple validation of the fact that ‘cats not only eat rats, they eat birds with even more relish’ he blamed himself.

“After mourning the loss of two hatchlings, they had to still work for the survivor. As we birds forget easily, the task at hand becomes the real cause for flying, chirping, peeking, etc., etc. They showered all paternal and maternal love upon the lone hatchling. The farmer boy knew that the last one was also doomed to fall, so he tried as many times to forget that there are rats and kicked the cat, followed by more and more lingering below the nest to catch the victim mid air.

“He is a very learned fellow, knows that a nestling—as soon as it gets onto its feet—tries to follow the parents after they have emptied their beaks into its greedy pout. So the moment the little one’s shriek of joy announcing the parent bird’s arrival signalled him, he rushed to the scene to avoid repetition of the gory incident of the past.

“The young bird flapped its yellowish wings, pecked with its yellow-cornered beak at the saggy, scattered tufts of feathering. Many a time, it came almost toppling down as it continued on its repetitive haggling for food as the parents left the nest. Finally, one day its childish greed found it toppling down. However thanks to its good stars, there was no cat but the boy who had forgotten or trying to forget that there are rats. He plays the game of ball really well. I’ve seen him catching the ball over there in the playground where we get the grains outside the village. He caught the terrified thing midair. The screechy little drop almost choked itself to death with fear.

“Its unthankful parents, quite ignorant of the home-maker’s latest deed of kindness, chirped obscenities from the branches of the neem tree swaying to gentle breeze in the courtyard. He knew that any effort to play the role of father-mother by him would still fall way short of the mark to save the little nestling—so repressing the urge to keep it—he flew it or rather threw up towards the hanging branches. It flapped its feathery resistance against a fall, thus fell less painfully, but cried as if had been shot. Anger and blame game touched a new high from the parents.

“However, a tree is a tree because it gives air, shadow and shelter to anyone looking for these. The fact that it was a tree was proved by another fact that there was another bird on it. It was but a crow! On the second throw, the wily crow plucked away the offering mid air and flew away with a thanksgiving cawing. In desperation the boy hit himself on the head and stoically bore all humiliations heaped by the stolen kid’s parents screeching, squeaking in pain.

“As penance, he boarded up half of the opening for a better future and clearer conscience. He came to our nest as well with the same suspicion about safety and the same set of resolution. However, both we parents chirped very confidently from our grassy fortress. He had to convince himself that at least we won’t add to his score of self-reproach. You were only eggs then dears; and he left us as we were!” 

Then we were hatched and grew at the cost of their parental labour. Then one day, I witnessed that genocide of egg-breaking by the rogue couple who sneaked into the other nest to set up their home by force. If not for that foul-smelling oddity life seemed birdie-small and infinitely enjoyable.

Mama and Papa were feverishly bent upon bringing each and everything available there in the outer world. The things and stuff that their beaks cut were easily lost in my gut. We thus grew bigger. I myself had a vague notion of this fact of growing stronger because now we made greater noise and ate more. But more was the look of desperation on the faces of Mama and Papa. We thought we did them a favour by nibbling down everything they brought. So in order to make them happy in their occupation, we continued making noises even while our little bellies were full. Getting irritated, papa sometimes gave us punishing preens. He always talked of future...when you will grow up...when you will catch a worm yourself...when you’ll fly. And we siblings wondered why he talked so much about something we didn’t even know about.

Papa would have been really happy to see a day when his inexplicable and unmeaningful words dawned on us with their clear meaning. But then something happened and he was no longer able to repeat those same words amidst beak-panting spells. It also meant that he no longer had to labour to and fro for beakfuls of cargo to feed us. Both the above stoppages and pluggings meant that Mama now had to work doubly hard and change her soft molly-coddling words into his guiding phrases. ‘The balance’ she said. The toy that produces air out of air had mothered all these new meanings of a changed reality.

We birds have this faculty of minding only the business we are engaged in. However, it is a handicap as well. Handicap—faculty...faculty—handicap...advantages—disadvantages...profit—loss...loss—profit...paradoxically these seem to have a peculiarly perverted, juxtaposed, interposed meaning to me. I can just draw a hazy meaning of what I just ended up telling you. Haa, haa but that makes me a philosopher.

From the grassy parapet we had a nice view of the swirling circle. We enjoyed its circular antics. It was so funny. Mama and Papa but warned each other while going out, looking at it apprehensively. However, coming in with a full beak is a totally different ball game. At that time possibly their mind doesn’t mind too much about the funny thing. And darting in with proud air, Papa was hit by the air- producing toy. His skull smattered; beak offloaded for the last time. Air catapulted him against the wall and then he slumped without air in his wings down the wall. For a few moments the air still seemed wobbling inside him at the foot of the wall, as if to play with the air from the airy toy.

He seemed all the same except airless, flightless and a tiny patch of blood on the skull tufts and loss of few feathers. I wondered why Mama was making such a huge roar over such a minor difference in Papa’s status. Then I grew anxious perhaps the difference was bigger than I had initially presumed for he didn’t move. I got worried that the cat will arrive, but perhaps all rats had gone out of the house that day, so the cat luckily didn’t reach the spot. It must have gone where all the rats had gone, perhaps on some vacation.

I learnt a new thing that day: if a cat isn’t around then it gives enough time for the snaily ants to creep up in swarms up to the one who has danger at the hands of a cat. And I wondered and tried to calculate their number; whether they will be able to carry him or not. Before a cat he seemed so small, but before these ants he looked huge. However, someone still bigger came to lift him. Seeing my Papa on his palm, I wondered whether this change of status had brought a new friendship between the boy and him. It taught me a lesson that if you are a bird but don’t fly due to change of status, you then become friend to a boy. Mama was in crying fits and we too imitated her; grew hungry in the process and opened our pleading beaks to her. Forgetting all her change of mood from Papa’s change of status, she started with larger beakfuls with more frequency.

During resting intervals, she sat in the nest and looked sadly at the changed status of the airy toy; which perhaps had been punished for blowing out airs from Papa’s lungs. The boy also looked accusatively at it. However, there were mosquitoes and flies below and there was a buffalo as well who was being tormented by them. The insects, in dangerous droves, loved its blood. When the insects injected out the blood, it reacted furiously and that affected the milking process. So it was necessary to run the airy toy at least during the milking time for the black beauty, who had put so much of airs herself just because she gave milk to them to become fatter.

The next evening, when the barn was buzzing with so much of airs, Mama shrieked painfully and got her status changed exactly like that of father, except the presence of the milking boy on the scene. He ran and stopped the airing toy and picked up Mama with even sadder face. Before that he had run to somehow put air out of the toy. The toy and Mama went airless, but the buffalo had again too much airs about it. It kicked the bucket as a drone fly penetrated its skin. Instead of the cat and ants around, it was milk all over. I also know that if milk is not in the basket, but on the ground, then a beating follows, for the boy’s mother beat him away from the place. He had my Mama in his hand. I couldn’t see further where did they go, but I could hear his mother’s shouting.

Me and my sister were thus left alone. And how wonderful being left alone is! One can either choose to cry his guts out or chirp to the happiest hilt. However, we had our bellies empty so we chose the first option. Our new neighbours in the other nest suspiciously looked, lest our constant noise portended something accusatory against their transgression.

The grown-up brown-white bully, with a patch of black fur on its throat, even pecked at the grass protection about our nest’s opening to silence us. I remember Ma telling me that it was a male who looked like that and I instantly matched it with Pa. We cried more fiercely with wider beaks, thinking the good neighbour had come to feed us. But they had already split the future’s shapes in present’s semi-fluid, so expecting any help from them would have been asking too much. Still a kid sparrow doesn’t know the nitty-gritty of others’ and their own parents, so we cried to get some food, taking their reprimands as some caring, kind signals. Since I was bigger than my sis sparrow and ate more than her, I made more noise.

Our noise got the farmer boy’s attention. Since he was aware of the status of Mama and Papa, he must have derived our status as well from their status. I with my funny dark brown head gloated at him as the saviour. Though he had all the looks in his eyes of Mama and Papa, he couldn’t become Mama and Papa, because he had no wings to fly to the far place they visited and no beak to carry the food. So I forgave him on that account.

“You have a big noisy head. Necessity will force you to come out of the nest and become a sparrow from an orphan nestling!” he must have calculated in his big head, after all they seem to run this world with their big head buzzing with God knows what type of ideas.

I knew he had in all his kindness thought of saving us by playing a hardy role. But we were just nestlings. And he won’t be able to grow wings and beak to become Mama and Papa two-in-one. So it was hopeless from the beginning. He thus left us to face our lonely orphaned night.

If I could break these shells—I looked at the egg-shell fragments lying crushed around the grassy interior—while I was the tiniest of a thing to come out, I can still do the same. I tried to brace myself up quite funnily.

All the day’s bulbs dangling unseen outside were put out by turns and darkness crept up in the barn below. Though the boy lit up a feeble reddish thing on the wall opposite, perhaps to remove darkness from our scared minds and nest, in addition to the daily purpose of helping the buffalo see what was what and save her from conjecturing phantoms. But this was the darkest night we had ever faced. Nothing can be darker than being parentless. We both kept crying late into the night and when sleep could no longer wait for the stoppage of our sad songs, it somehow smothered us down.

When our eyes opened, the light bulb in the barn had been turned off and the bigger one somewhere outside had been turned on. Right from the word go, we started our day with a spell of fearful and heart-rending chirping in all its suffering connotations. Somebody must have said it pretty well that we must not cry out our sorrows too loudly, for in that case these tend to perpetuate themselves.

A sparrow sat to our side of the iron cross-beam and looked attentively, hopefully into the nest. I thought it was Mama who on account of her changed status now looked a bit different. But these little shards of hope were dispelled when she suddenly darted into the opening. Shorn of all our past sorrows, we gave a shrill cry of triumph, gave her a happy look for her new smarter, sleeker—for Mama had pretty worn-out herself before her last status—appearance and parted our beaks a bit accusatively and complainingly.

However, instead of love-cuddling pecks, she gave a painful bite at the yellow, soft edge of my beak. Still hopeful, I thought maybe she is reprimanding me for some silly mistake I might have committed during her absence. But a harsher peck at little sis’s softer and almost tuftless violet body convinced me that either it wasn’t Mama or if it was she indeed, then in this new avatar as the beholder of a new status she didn’t need us or at least won’t feed and love us.

She was later joined by another one. It was a young, strong male. I couldn’t help appreciating this new look of Papa. However, he was even harsher in his mistreatment. Maybe, he was angry that we hadn’t changed like them. But then I became sure they were not Mama and Papa, but some nest-grabbers like I had seen in my neighbourhood.

As the stronger elder sibling, I tried to protect the property, lest Mama and Papa returned to chide me for not protecting the home and hearth properly in their absence. Little sis cowered in a corner, while I fought them peck for peck. But I was just a kid sparrow who hadn’t taken a single flight, hadn’t taken a single beakful of my own. So inevitably I was finally dislodged from my precarious perch on the sinew rampart.

I knew there are rats, so making the presence of a cat quite logical. The floor below seemed an open jaw of a cat. So I flapped my wings with all my hungry belly’s might. I just beat them like I had been flapping inside the nest purposelessly. But then there was ground beneath my little paws and now I needed to avoid getting grounded. So naturally my feeble, famished flapping was bound to follow. To my surprise, it came naturally. A sparrow is destined to fly some day, I think. But then flying isn’t the only thing in life.

Life stuck up in my chirpy throat, I just flapped dizzily without knowing the path or direction. Much to my first shriek of joy for the last many-many hours—now it had started to appear like I hadn’t chirped happily even once since that doomed rupture in the shell brought me into this world of sorrows—I found myself landing on the wings of the air-maker which fortunately wasn’t making air at that time—perhaps it had stopped to witness my first flight—otherwise my status too would have changed like that of my parents.

Now I cried for my little sis to come out. They were having a good time pecking at her soft, half-furred body. I myself was disappointed with my look in the new light. I appeared quite funny. A muddy greyish cast. My almost fully furred body carried the striking vulgarity of a yet-to-take-flight nestling. But then I remembered I had taken my first flight and that too quite successfully. So I convinced myself that in the department of looks also I will perform better after my consequent flights.

They then threw out my little sis also. From the first moment, I cried words of encouragement. But she was too small, soft and feeble. Her first flight was surely going to be a failure. She wasn’t that mature to know that she had wings with a purpose to fly.

However, knowing the wings and putting desperate efforts to use them don’t mean a successful first flight, which in majority of the cases robs further chances of a retry. Why? Because there are rats and that means there are cats also. She struggled harder than I could have ever expected. Just a few more morsels daily for the last weeks and she definitely would have made it with her will power!

Now I held myself guilty for eating her share and thus robbing her of that extra power which would have ensured success in the first flight itself. That is, in reaching a destination, safe from the cat, even if it means to land on this airy toy that takes air out of sparrows to give air to the buffalo.

Alas, she fell! Not vertically straight that would have been humiliation. She flew slantingly, plummeting down dangerously, out of the barn’s all-open front except for the two supporting columns. She almost hit the middle of the neem trunk in the courtyard.

“Clutch at the bark...clutch at the bark...dig your little claws into it!” I cried at the top of my voice.

However, it required a few more ounces of strength. But her long flight, longer than mine and I felt beaten on this account even though she ate lesser, had sapped her of the tiny reservoir of her power. She just slumped along the rough, dark-brown surface of the main trunk. There she sat on the ground by the trunk; her beak panting like the world outside was airless.

Some rat must have played truant in some corner of the house for it created ripples in the cat’s catty self and she ran towards the scene. Screeching a warning, I threw myself out from my perch. But instead of landing on the cat’s cursed head, I found myself clinging from the upper part of the trunk, where it branched off into many other parts to allow we birds some shelter and airy swings.

She proved that she was a true, unerring and unsparing cat. Much to my consternation even the farmer boy wasn’t there to punish the culprit with a hit at its bum while it leapt over the fence. Enjoying the regal spectacle of the cat hunting a prey, my neighbours were chirping meticulously from the branches above. I don’t know whether they were throwing obscenities or were just playfully chirping.

My initiation into the outer world had been quite an ordeal. I knew this new world required one more effort to reach higher in the foliage and from there watch out for the new prospects that might exist for a tiny sparrow like me. So drawing out the last ounces of strength from my hungry belly and bracing up my aching wings, I put up my third effort.

This time but I almost failed. I came hurtling and crashing down the branches to anchor my little paws into some support. I had almost given up but then luckily found myself clinging from a low hanging branch. After panting and resting for long minutes, I decided to give another try. This time I was satisfied as I found myself perched on a bough in the middle of the canopy. And from my dear place, away from the cat’s reach, I gathered my wits to collect some thoughts about this new world.

“So this is the new world Mama and Papa ferried food from!” I thought about their trials and tribulations.

The tree wasn’t as big as I had supposed it to be. It didn’t look as interesting and mysterious as I had imagined it to be. The neem just appeared a bigger nest on a larger scale. There were high-low zigzagging walls of the houses, where there were more people like our own farmer boy. Maybe, there were rats and many more cats also. And there was this dull-bluish ceiling—like our very own roof—seemingly very high overhead. I suppose it wasn’t as high as it seemed, for it appeared to be supported by the upper edges of the walls at the farthest corner this bigger nest.

I mustered up my wings, thinking that maybe I’ll be able to take flights long enough to take a peek around this larger—though not as big as I had thought earlier—nest to find Mama and Papa in their changed status. But the earlier efforts had been too daunting and tiresome. So I completely abandoned the idea and put all my faith in my vocal cords. Quite surprisingly, even with my hungry belly, I could cry quite noisily. This I banked upon to carry my chirping message to my parents. Sitting there in the branches of the neem tree I cried:

“Mama and Papa, do you hear? I have successfully taken my first flight as you wished me to. But the bad thing is that the little sis failed. Weak and small as she was. Her failure meant that the cat took flight with her!”

I was loudly chirping all that had happened in the course of the time since their change of status.

I was fully confident that this newer bigger world wasn’t big enough to stop my voice from reaching their ears. But it didn’t change my status or position in any way. Quite unlike the bulb on the barn wall, this bigger bluish roof had its bigger, far brighter bulb. Quite surprisingly, it changed its position since the time I had started to cry my guts out. Still more interestingly, the shades of its light also changed colours.

My constant screaming did attract some attention. The way they were cawing they must be crows, I thought. I recalled a story Mama had told me one day about them. I immediately knew it didn’t portend well, for like cats they too are enemies with the added faculty of flying. A sparrow has to outmanoeuvre them in variously agile flying pattern. However my options were so few that I decided to wait and watch.

The crows then started quarrelling for me, as if none of them had a son of theirs and they wanted to adopt me. The black monsters made it a virtual battlefield on the tree. Now I realised that there still was a bigger world beyond what I saw, for the farmer boy surely must not have been there because he didn’t rush to the noisy scene in his courtyard. Had he been somewhere in the bigger nest, he was sure to come out to inquire. And that would have saved me.

“Maybe he is chasing the cat—completely forgetting that there are rats—with little sis in its mouth!” I thought.

“Am I so dear to these darkies that they are fighting it out among themselves to lay claim on me?” now I got some little traces of pride.

Then a bigger claimant with a larger instinct to patronise me hovered over the tree. In contrast to the blacks, its colour was brown-greyish. Its size was also bigger than the crows. But those murderously searing, searching eyes looked at me with such force that I felt attracted, exalted and scared at the same time. 

One other thing, it also made me sure that it wasn’t just a rogue, outcaste crow painted differently as a punishment and given bloodied eyes also due to beatings. It had razor-sharp, pointed, hooked beak. The closer it hovered, more differences struck me and my fear plummeted high into the blue roof. It had deadly claws which far out-sharpened the crows’. Now I realised that its claim on me was the strongest. What made the claim strongest? There was no likewise rival to blunt the sharp edges of its hooked beak and talons. I knew it had all the power to mould my status the way it wanted. I felt a strong surge of nostalgia for my parents’ memories.

“If he takes me then my status as my Mama’s and Papa’s kid will be changed!” I cried attention to all the cawing and fighting darkies.

My warning little chirps, but, went in vain. They, after all, were so busy in fighting it out among themselves. Their love for me was forcing them to give each other bloodied noses. And then, before I could vent out my next warning, those strong talons just snatched me away. It happened so swiftly that my little eyes couldn’t even smack their lids.

As he rose higher, with me squeezed in his talons, I cried fools at the blacks. My sound must have been stronger this time, for they got the message and followed us almost crying with tears in their eyes. They made all types of threatening cawing, flew swiftly with menacing agility. Even the great fiery bulb—it had changed its position, I got to know while squeezed in those claws—seemed cheering the new claimant’s ownership of me.

One of the sharp talons was curled around my neck restricting my verbosity; others were dug feebly but still tightly in my feathering, giving sharp pain. However, that thrill of bigger, longer flight was giving me such pleasure that I forgot even the pain. The passing cool air, cooler than I had ever felt it, sang in my ears. Clutched topsy-turvy, I had such an exciting vision of the fleeting panorama of this still bigger nest spread far and wide.

There was also that exalted feeling about beating the blacks with the help of this mighty bird. They were left behind and retreated to their smaller world. While travelling trapped in those claws, I imagined all types of fanciful things about the world he was taking me into. Although this world we were flying through seemed limited always up to that line of tree-tops with the blue roof supported on top of the branches. But surprisingly, we were never able to reach the end, so I just waited patiently to come to the front of a newer world.

But all my hopes were dashed as—even before crossing the threshold of this bigger (but not that big) world which seemed just a few paces away by that line of trees across the fields—he stopped in this very world. I was disappointed about the landing place as well. It was a huge strange tree. A dry, leafless tree of this new world, as if my carrier-friend had eaten away all the foliage. At its top was a thick nest of prickly twigs, rags and wood pieces. And mind you, it was stinking like hell. Into this he dumped me. I fell on a dried piece of meat and a little bone which hurt me.

Aawo...now I realised that the big bird needed a playmate for his lonesome, brooding nestling put up so high at this solitary place on this charmless tree. Instantly my new friend, almost as big as a crow but looking so funny in his shabby feathering, came to play with me. I also reciprocated his friendly welcoming leap of joy at me. However, his pecking was severe in comparison to my own caressing and harmless one. I but forgave him just on account of his inability to play softer, given his bigger size and talons to keep it down to my sparrow level.

He was really eager to play with me. His father—or was it mother, I doubted while playing—looked with parental glint of satisfaction from a nearby dead branch. Then I began to bleed at various points of my first coat of feathering. Still I tried to play, though with time, it became a struggle to defend myself from further cuts and bruises. My playmate was too big and almost toyed with me. I kept on complaining noisily. But he was all eager to play and didn’t listen to me at all.

Here we have to stop our narrative for I’m on the verge of fainting due to this bloody game of his...aye...aye...I am perhaps losing in the game!