God, it would have been better to have a Godless world!!

Hafeez Sayeed is a fuckingly fabulous dreamer. Hafeez Sayeed, who?? He is that champion jehadi of Lashkar e Taibba fame!! Well the poor innocent Hindu in me gets scared whenever I see him thundering in public meetings in Pakistan. I have reasons to get scared! I have read enough of medieval Indian history to know Muslim zeal in cutting down Kafir Hindus to size and get them, the poor grass eaters, intimidated by the burly meat-eating champions of Islam.

Well, Lashkar e Taibba has taken up the goal of liberating Kashmir from India and then set up a Mughal state of Islamic India. It is a free world by the way! Hafeez Sayeed reserves the right to act and behave as per the norms set by his sanity or insanity (both are same by the way). Suppose he succeeds in installing some descendant of Mughal kings on throne (he has to find out peacock throne as well for this purpose), the main challenge facing him will be to find out the real claimant out of thousands of princes of royal blood who may turn up for the title. It will be still more arduous task given that most of these princes will comprise emaciated rickshawallas and beetle nut chewing ruffians. But even to claim that authority they need to know about Mughal history and for that you need at least a history book. So the dreamers of pre 1857 world should know that at least basic education is essential even for mindless work of jehad.

As a chicken-hearted Hindu, I at least pay namashkar to the Englishmen for weeding out the Mughal dynasty. We grass eaters would have continued to pay homage to the feeble most princelings for centuries to come. Somehow that era still rules the hearts of common Muslims and unfortunately even the educated ones. I had this Muslim friend as my colleague in corporate. He was dashing, handsome and his narcissism ever pampered by the adoring ogles of Hindu fillies. On top of that he got extra soft treatment by educated cultured Hindus because the latter are so damn crazy about proving their secular status. They will leave no stone unturned in mollycoddling the minority prince charming lest he felt bruised and broken hearted on account of majority tyranny. So this educated minority prince was my closest buddy. He would drag me to eat chicken and mutton biryanis by the mosque, muttering, ‘Enough of grass eating!! Eat the real food!!’ Then there was some issue where he let down because he found me lacking in overenthusiastic support of an educated Hindu for the cause of minority. Sullen faced, he just muttered over his lunch plate, ‘Yes bro!! Now this has to happen. We guys are surviving under your rule!’ It just seared through my heart. If an English speaking ultra modern Muslim still recalls Mughal era with such aggrieved nostalgia, what will be the situation of illiterate people in the minority! So at least Hafeez Sayeed is entitled to keep his Mughal Raj dream alive.

A friend of mine was passing through a really tough phase in life. Somebody suggested the help of a tantric-type-mullah from a mosque. The happy glutton arrived at my friend’s place; got pampered by the royal treatment; suggested a few things to dispel the evil spirits; and made us cram ‘La ilaha illaha, Mohamed rasool-ul-ullah, salal illaha vassalam!!’ thousands of times. Whole peasant family of my friend chanted this new Vedic mantra for months, hoping that at least Allah’s angels will bring them happy days. Even though the fucker was just a single Muslim entity in the neighborhood, he still had a last laugh on our poor Hindu heads. I realized it four years later in a sleepy suburb of North African town. Meanwhile, just like a typical educated Hindu I never missed an opportunity to chant out the Islamic mantra to every tom dick and harry Muslim coming my way, just to showcase my secular spirit and that I also know about Islam. But the secret was busted that sultry evening on the residential outskirts of Djibouti in East Africa. I was talking to this young chap Moosa, sipping coke in their small eating point round the corner of their house. Moosa had been to Pune in India for studies. Again to prove my Hindu secular credentials, I started the Islamic mantra. I was expecting appreciation. But lo what happens! Moosa was dying with laughter. He nearly choked over. Almost fell down from the wooden chair. He frantically called dozens of his siblings. They rushed in for entertainment. Being asked to cite it again, and to prove my secular status to a larger audience now, I sang out with more enthusiasm. It created a flutter of curious, proud peals of laughter.  Then Moosa the great told me the secret. Now I got to know it was in fact the hymn of somebody getting initiated into Islam. ‘Anybody saying it even once becomes a Muslim’, educated and enthused Moosa informed me. Fuckers!! He seemed to believe it. Thank God my friend somewhere in me did not get a taste of Muslim religious initiation by getting a cut on its head!!

At the general level, Muslim society believes in quantity. The more the numbers, the better!! The food, even certain postures seem to be meant to add to the men’s libido to keep four wives and produce as many kids as possible. In the distant future, it is expected, when they will have numbers on their side, they will teach grass-eating Hindus a mighty lesson. A few months back a Muslim family took up a rented accommodation in our part. Miyanji was a burly man. But as a carpenter he earned almost negligible in comparison to his Himalayan libido targeting his emaciated wife. Result?! They were poorest of the poor and had six children. In his heart of heart he must have been thinking, ‘Even I am contributing to Hafeez Sayeed’s dream of a Mughal India in 21^st century through bringing as many true species of Allah as possible!’

Muslim society is haunted by this massive insecurity that puts them closeted within a claustrophobic sphere. It pervades in Muslim neighborhoods. From first world countries to the poorest ones, the very same pattern of Muslim neighborhoods shows a deep sense of distrust for anything un-Islamic. The streets are so narrow that you just find it difficult to sneak out once you are unlucky to get in. The doors are shut. Almost no windows! They just do not want to see the world globalizing in beautiful blend of cross-cultural sinews. It is a world lost in its own strange maze. I never felt more insecure as I did when I committed the mistake of searching a Muslim merchant in the claustrophobic Muslim neighborhood in Colombo, Sri Lanka. To make it worse I was having a vermilion mark on my poor Hindu brow, put by a smiling priest in a Tamil temple in some other quarter of the city. The first person whom I asked about the concerned individual just shot through my Hindu-marked forehead with his blood shot aggressive eyes. I could feel that typical antagonism for the kafir. Afterwards, while I walked lanes after lanes of lost world, I felt my feet giving under me. To be hell with metropolitan Colombo, this world ruled itself in its narrow lanes, dim light, dingy shut-doored and windowless houses, foul smelling stagnated air!! ‘If they decide to slaughter me, the outer world would not even come to know in which quarter I had my last breath!!’ I felt horrified. Thanks to the Hindu priest’s blessing hand, I came out in one piece. I had exactly the same feeling in Rangoon where my Muslim friends found me intimidated while I just chickened out of their quarters like a rabbit runs away from a pack of wolves.

Travelling in a train across the snowbound wastes of central Asian republics, me and my group was scanned by the blood-shot eyes of another Islamic zealot. Baring his gold-plated fangs, that allowed him to tear any type of meat, he asked, ‘From Pakistan?’ ‘From India!’ we the lambs bleated. There was a queer aggression in his eyes. A joker friend of mine had the audacity to say, ‘I am Hamidullha!’ God, how I wish if you guys had seen the sense of relief and composure pervading his tensed being after meeting a co-religionist!!

No hesitation in confessing that I am feeling more and more scared of Islam and Islamists. And more so because I have just closed my doors to Hindu rituals and that means Hindu Gods would not have anything to do in saving this newly turned atheist. How did I come to turn an atheist? Well about that sometime later!! Till that time some God of some true religion save me from Muslim tyranny!!